July 29, 2004

-The following is an excerpt from the August edition of Advertising Now, a trade journal for the advertising industry.

DON' T ROCK THE VOTE

    Kip Richardson is different.  In a world full of political ad campaign managers pushing, pulling, and bullying potential voters to choose their candidates, Richardson doesn't give a damn or at least he doesn't want you to give a damn.  Just twenty-seven years old, Richardson is the youngest accounts executive vice president at Clodgette-Price, the aggressive ad agency commissioned by the Republican Party to run its advertising for the 2004 presidential election.  Already Richardson has set the ad industry abuzz with his new voter apathy campaign called "Don't Rock the Vote."

    Still astonishingly youthful looking with rimless glasses, close cropped peroxided hair, and a neatly trimmed goatee, Richardson strums his ever present Richenbacker guitar while speaking, looking more like the fifth member of U2 than an advertising revolutionary.  Eyes ablaze with excitement and energy, Richardson recently explained his new campaign to Advertising Now from the comfort of his high tech command post on the eighty-fifth floor of the Blackstone Building.

    "Have you seen the polls?  For the last four months they show a virtual deadlock between Kerry and Bush.  The smart money says that the 8% of undecided voters will swing the final tally on Election Day.  If our 'Don't Rock the Vote' campaign can convince just two or three percent of those people  not to vote then we will have done our job and put Bush back in the White House for four more years."

    Pioneering a concept he calls "focused apathy," Richardson has targeted key voter demographics in the battleground states.  In Ohio, the campaign in aggressively going after young, male first time voters who might be tempted to vote Democratic in hopes of promoting peace or avoiding reinstatement of the draft.  Though controversial, the full page ads in regional editions of Maxim, Blender, and Sports Illustrated are proving effective.  One ad features a picture of a little old lady with a shawl, bifocals, and dentures in a voting booth.  The copy reads, "Voting?  It's something your Aunt Zelda does.  Blow it off!"  Another ad features photos of Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken, and Bill O'Reilly with the caption, "Who cares about politics?  Assholes, that's who!  Voting:  It's for losers.  Be cool, don't vote."  Polls by the Ohio Republican Party indicate that voter apathy in the male 18 to 30 group has already soared to a favorable 78%.

    In Florida, the campaign has kicked into high gear in the crucial Hispanic undecided population.  Says Richardson, "Any Latino with half a mind is going to vote for a hand puppet or a cartoon character instead of Bush, but the key is to distract, downplay, and minimize the voting process."  With co-sponsorship from the Committee to Re-elect Bush and the Anheiser Busch Corporation, billboards have been put up throughout the Little Cuba section of downtown Miami.  The signs show a photo of a houseparty filled with handsome Latino men and gorgeous, scantily clad Latina women drinking Budweiser with the caption "Cerveza, Fiesta, Siesta, No Voto!"  Older Hispanic voters have been targeted with ads in the Spanish language press cleverly disguised as a series of informative articles called "Democracy in Action."  The articles explain to new immigrant voters or the merely gullible that - to  quote - "In America, the voting process is difficult, time consuming, and merely ceremonial.  President Bush when he serves his second term would be pleased if you voted for him, but truly, amigo, it is not necessary."  Other articles in the series suggest that in America a Latino vote only counts for one third of a normal vote and that, as in the last presidential election, most votes in minority precincts will not even be counted.  Again Richardson manages to cleverly weave in his tagline call for voter apathy "Cerveza, Fiesta, Siesta, No Voto!"

    When questioned about plans for the last weeks before the election, Richardson gave us a sneak preview of a breathtaking new wave of ads aimed at  African-American voters in battleground states like Pennsylvania, California, and Arizona.  "The African-American male demographic between 30 and 50 could be quite damaging to President Bush so we've tailored the campaign to appeal to them and keep them out of the polls."  The preliminary print ads and billboards feature a pair of sexy, smiling models who bear an uncanny resemblance to Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry walking arm in arm past an empty polling place with a caption that reads, "My Brother, Why Bother?  Come Election Day, Get Busy, Get Down, Don't Vote!"  The ads are testing so strongly positive that Richardson envisions crossover potential with increased apathy among white and Hispanic voters. 

    Though he is a rapidly rising star in the firmament of cutting edge advertising, Kip Richardson maintains that work for him is like a hobby.  His true love remains music, and he is still active with his alternative rock band.  Says Richardson, "Misleading the public, eroding the basic principles of democracy, even straight up, balls out lying to people ... I love it, and if the Republican Party wants to pay me to do it, that's cool.  But music ... that's where my heart's at."  Though they are not currently signed to a major label recording contract, Richardson reports that his band, the Rectal Wolverines, have undergone a major shift in their fortunes.

    "Yeah, we just changed our whole image.  We've renamed ourselves Four Souls Everlasting - FSE for short - and we are going after that whole lucrative Christian Rock demographic.  Same songs as the Rectal Wovlerines, but a completely new deal.  We just cut a demo for Praise Records and it sounds great.  I know this time it's going to happen for us."  Perhaps with the elections coming up and an apathetic public awaiting him, it would be wise for young Kip Richardson to keep his day job.