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| The French and Indian (Civil) War | |||||||||||
| Concept by Doug and Steven | |||||||||||
| Written by Doug; Edited by Steven | |||||||||||
| The French and Indian War. But wait. Wasn't the war between France and Great Britain? Yes it was; which leads us to believe that the British are actually Indians (and you were wondering why they talk so weird). So actually, this war was a civil war between Indians, and the French just decided to "F" things up (damn French). | |||||||||||
| The leading officer on the British Indian side (we'll just call them the Brindians) was George Washington, who was blackmailed into fighting for the Brindians instead of the colonists. The Brindians employed their strategy they so often used: to march in lines, playing music, and wearing red coats while being slaughtered by French and Indian troops/ gangsters (these Indians were lead by Pontiac, which tells us that they were all black and attacked in mobs). Faced with an army equipped to the teeth with switchblades and Tommy guns, George Washington fled for his life. | |||||||||||
| In 1758, Brad Pitt (seen in movies such as The Mexican) came out of a hole in the ground, and fought for the Brindians. But soon after, he was shot (and killed) by a Muslim terrorist; but it was okay, he deserved it. Many Mexicans were mad for the killing of the star in their movie, and joined the war against the French. | |||||||||||
| By the end of 1758, the Brindians had begun to turn the tide in the war, in North America, by using biological warfare (later outlawed in the US) that killed all the Indians. The French didn't like it because the Brindians destroyed their only way to get beavers (which they bet on in Illegal Beaver Fights in the basements of taverns all through out France). | |||||||||||
| The French employ the help of the Spanish, but they were quickly destroyed, due to their lack of funds. In a last ditch attempt, the French attempted to use Gorilla Warfare against the Brindians. The attempt failed, after the French realized that they could not speak Ape, and the gorillas (not the band) began destroying everything in sight, including lesser gorillas. | |||||||||||
| The Brindians finally defeated the French general, Napoleon XXVII, at the battle of Waterloo (Waterloo, Maine) and ended the Civil War that had lasted 7 years. In the treaty, the Brindians made France change its name to "Prance"; but the Prench were later sued for copyright infringement. | |||||||||||
| After all of that, George Washington betrayed the Brindians and started team killing, and then joined the colonists because he didn't like the Brindians' lack of health care insurance and relatively low salary. The colonists then launched a full scale nuclear war with Great Brindia. They employed the use of bulls to trample the red coated (now, really red coated) Brindians to their deaths. | |||||||||||
| And that's how America came to be. Now give me money! | |||||||||||