Jebus

And his many travels

Chapter 1:

The Beginning... kind of

   It was many millennia ago when it all began. And there is as much documented proof of such happenings as the worlds most popular religion (i.e. none). Though the beginnings are sketchy at best, the memories live on.

Pictorial of the Goard almighty passing the bong of life to Bill of Minnselvania

  In the beginning, there was Jebus, son of Goard the almighty. He was a simple man, but he had a gift... brute force. He would travel the country side with his many wenches and serfs, beating all those who challenged the might of Jebus. Though gifted he was, Jebus wanted something more... money, piles and piles of money. But being a traveler, this made his acquisitions of money nye impossible. So he found a young woman who had knowledge of how to make lots of quick cash. She decided to make him look like a god... or the closest thing possible, a demigod. People around the country and beyond began showing up at his doorstep, and Jebus would hand them a pile of money and they would feign being cured of some disease. Well, the rulers around him did not like his power and money, so they came to the quick thought to kill him... but how? The came to his house, but found he had many guards, so a public death would be best for him. 

Jebus, who had slain the mighty warrior, Berma, and toked up the greatest minds in history...

  One night, while Jebus slept, the hired goons of the Pickled Mercotta, the local ruling class, came and kidnapped him. This was not an easy task, but the men succeeded. When he was brought to the feet of their master, Alfred, he begged for his life, but he heard nothing of it. Then Jebus, being the cunning man he was, pulled his stash from the medallion from his neck. He offered to get the king stoned for free... the king accepted. I tell you, they were stoned, their eyes were beet red, and their hands went numb. The King was so pleased, he made Jebus his second in command... and the peasants rejoiced...

THE END