Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters in Digimon, and if you thought I did, then you are a sad, sad person. Don't sue, because if you do I shall have to set my chinchilla on you as I run away very quickly. For those of you who are reading this *please* do not get offended if I insult a character you like, I love all the DD and have no qualms with any of them, that and I insult equally.
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Yamato: Hello everyone and welcome to Blind Date!!!

Audience: Yay.

Yamato: I'm your host Yamato Ishida!

Audience: Yay.

Taichi: (from audience) Woo-hoo, Yay Yamato! I want to have your baby!

Yamato: Heh heh I know. I know. I am pretty aren't I?

Koushiro: (from behind the camera) Psssst you're supposed to introduce the guest now!

Yamato: (checking himself in the mirror and fixing his hair) Ok ok. (puts mirror away and flicks his hair)

(Taichi swoons and faints)

Yamato: Today's guest is 3'11", likes dead flowers, long romantic walks through the cemetary at night, and his teddy-bear- Mr. Fuzzykins! Give up a round of applause for Iori Hida!

Audience: Yay.

Iori: (walks out mumbling under his breath) Someone's gonna die. Who the *&^$! told them about Mr. Fuzzykins???

(Hikari laughs insidiously from the audience, chokes and dies. Iori smiles.)

Yamato: Uh yes...well-okay...(squints at index cards) Oh right! Now let's meet our lucky contestants!

(Camera pans to behind curtain revealing the 3 bachelors.)

Yamato: Bachelor number 1 says that he likes polishing his glasses, giving shots to people, making animals sterile, and luring small children away from their mothers with candy!

Audience: Yay.

Yamato: Bachelor number 2 says that when he's not being a rat bastard in the digital world, he enjoys letting his sensitive-womanly side show in the real world. He likes torturing small creatures when no one is looking, and claims to be soft at heart- when not molesting older Cuban boys.

Audience: Awww

Yamato: And Bachelor number 3 says he enjoys running away from flying bat-pigs, beating the crap out of bachelor number 2 on occasion, and other miscellaneous things he finds to be evil all while wearing a super kawaii bucket hat. What the hell?!? (looks at Koushiro) Did *she* write some of these? (Koushiro nods) Moving right along!

Audience: Yay.

Yamato: (glares at audience before continuing) Iori are you ready?

Iori: (looking wary) Who wrote these questions?

Yamato: Why Sora did or course! (mutters angrily) Probably while smoking *MY* bong pipe...evil bitch!

Iori: Hoo-kay. Uhhh Bachelor number 1 if you could be any type of cheese what type whould you be? WTF?!?

Jyou: I would be squeeze-cheeze so I could be spread everywhere!

Iori: Ummm...I guess that's good...

Jyou: Are you a little boy?

Iori: Some people tell me that I am...

Jyou: Oh good! (rubs hands together)

Iori: (sidles away from the curtain) Bachelor number 2, where did you put Biyomon...I want her back now you bastard. (scratches his head)

Ken: Bwahaha! I'll never tell you Sora bitch! (grins evilly)

Sora: (leaps out of no where) I'll tear out your ovaries!!! Grrrrr!!!! Where's Biyomon?!?

Ken: (cackling) What if I told you Wormmon is having his way with her right now???

Sora: (shudders) First I would think of how sick that was, then I'd...Beat you into a pulp! (starts clawing at Ken.)

Audience: Fight! Fight!

(Miyako and Daisuke come out wearing black STAFF shirts and pull the two apart.)

Miyako: (pulling off Sora) My you're well-endowed. The show must have editied your chest to make it smaller than it is.

Sora: (sighing) They did actually, they wanted it to seem as though Mimi had a larger chest than I because they knew everyone would hate me after I wed Yamato...But I only married him so I could steal his bong! Muahaha!

Mimi: (Comes tearing out) Stay the hell away from Miyako! She's my wench, you bitch! (Tears viciously at Sora's hair)

*~*~Fun Fact: The number of times Sora has been called a bitch in this story is 3*~*~

Daisuke: (while holding Ken stares) Hey should I, like, break them up?

Ken: Yes and you should let go of me now because you are sweaty and icky smelling.

Daisuke: (whimpers) Okay.

(Dai trots over and tries to seperate the 3 girls but gets beaten up. *Aieeeeeeeee!*)

Willis: (driving a U-Haul) Hey Yamato you want I should cart these bums off?

Yamato: Yeah, I wanna get on with the show I have a hair appointment right after the show.

Koushiro: (muttering) That's your 4th one this week and it's only Monday... Damn him, he's probably pulling the money out of *my* paycheck too. (decides to glare evilly at Matt)

(Willis ushers fight into the back of the U-Haul and drives off.)

Iori: I wanna go home...

Yamato: No! You can't you have to ask *at least* one more round of questions!

Iori: Okay okay. Bachelor number 3, what do you wear boxers or briefs? (Iori slumps into his seat blushing wildly.)

Takeru: Boxers, I find them to be more light and airy.

Ken: (sneering) You would, wouldn't you bat-pig boy!

TK: (snarling) At least my digimon doesn't molest annoying birds!

Yama: Now now boys take it easy.

Jyou: Yeah if you're going to fight I want in on the action too! (Winks suggestively at Ken and TK as the two of them scoot away from him)

Iori: Why do I put up with this? Okay! Bachelor number 1, What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color?

Jyou: (starts to sweat) Umm uh my quest is to get a date with a little boy. Umm uh... my favorite color is umm burnt siena! And uh...I don't think I'm allowed to reveal my name at this time! (suddenly the floor underneath Jyou heaves him upward and throught the roof, until he is but a sparkling dot in the sky.)

Iori: (praying) God, I love you Monty Python! Okay bachelor number 3, do you like scary movies?

TK: They're okay...I guess I-

Iori: What's your favorite?

TK: (Getting confused) Ummm Poltergeist?

Iori: (looking evil) What scares you the most?

TK: (getting all scared and blondish acting) What kind of questions are these? Why are you doing this to me? (starts to cry)

*~*~Fun fact numero duo! Blondes are usually the first to die in scary movies! ^o^ Only TK isn't busty o.o *~*~

Patamon: (appears as a dark shadow behind Takeru) Teeeeeee-kaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy.....Teeeeee-kaaaaayyyyyy

TK: (starts sweating and looking around) No, no! It can't be you!

(Patamon cackles and pulls TK kicking and screaming into the darkness.)

Yamato- (blinks) Well...that...was...uh...different...(Snaps back into announcer mode) Well now that there's only one bachelor left, and it's almost time for my hair appointment, I guess you're the lucky winner...BACHELOR NUMBER 2!!!!

Audience: Yay.

Yamato: Why don't you come on out bachelor number 2 and meet Iori!

(Ken comes trotting out looking disgruntled, and looks down at Iori. Iori stares back, frowning.)

Ken: Wanna go get a pizza or something?

Iori: (shrugging) Yeah sure why not.

(The two of them trot off together)

Yamato: Hey you forgot your grand prize, awww nevermind. Well folks that's the show for today, join us next time when we try to find someone who will actually be willing to date Michael! See you there!

Iori- That sucked

Shiore-Shut up wench! (whacks Iori, puts him in a sack and drags him away)