(aren�t I original when it comes to titles of stories?)
�Hi. I�m Scherzando, and I�m a magical cat who was tortured by Macavity. You�re really cute. Do you want to go out and marry me and have a million kittens?� She asked him.
Mistoffelees was completely slack jawed once he saw how beautiful she was.
�U�u...uh, sure.� He stammered at the gorgeous cat.
�No way Misto, she�s mine!� Rum Tum Tugger said, pushing Misto out of the way.
Scherzando zapped him with her god-like magical powers and went over to nuzzle Misto.
�Oh, did that mean kitty hurt you?� She cooed.
�N-�
Zan: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: What?
Zan: You�re making me a complete Mary-Sue!!! That�s not how my story went!!!
Author: Well, if you can write better than me, be my guest!
Zan: Fine. *Ties author up with a feather boa and begins typing* Hi. I�m Scherzando or Zan for short. This is my story�*cue cool sounding rock music*
One day, I was completely bored, and I decided to scope out an interesting-looking junkyard in search of breakfast. As soon as I walked in, some strange queen immediately sat up and screeched �MACAVITY!!!� in my ear. Now, I have been called some pretty interesting names (some of which are not suitable for kittens) but I have never been called a �Macavity�. That�s a new one. Anyway, the queen screamed MACAVITY! And all the other cats in the junkyard walked over to me, led by a black and grey tabby. It looked like some sort of odd cult, if you ask me. Wait, you didn�t�
�Who are you?� The tabby asked me.
�Who are you?� I countered.
�I asked first.� He told me.
�So? I asked second.� I laughed.
�Fine. I�m Munkustrap.� He said.
�That�s a�erm...interesting name.� I said. What I really wanted to say was �Munkustrap? That�s the dorkiest name I have ever heard!�, but I was too lazy to actually say it. Plus, Munkustrap looked as though he was strong enough to rip me into shreds.
�Now, what�s your name?� He asked.
�Scherzando.� I told him.
I heard a guffaw from behind me.
�Scherzando? That�s a stupidest name I is ever heard!!!� a weird looking tom with a lice-ridden mane told me.
�The and Have. The proper way to construct a sentence such as the one you just said would be to say �that�s THE stupidest name I HAVE ever heard.� A motherly-looking queen corrected the over-grown shag rug.
�Huh?� Said the shag rug, scratching his head in confusion.
�Never mind.� she told him with a sigh of exasperation.
�Why are you here?� a white and black splotched tom said, turning to me.
�What is this, twenty questions?� I asked. It was getting rather annoying having everyone ask all these things. I mean, c�mon, is it really any of their business?
�What are you doing here?� Munkustrap demanded.
�I wandered in. Deal with it.� I said.
�Well, you can�t be here unless you�re a Jellicle.� A fiery-red queen said.
�Who died and made you the Everlasting Cat?� I told her. �I can be here if I want, and you can�t do anything about it.�
The shag rug stood up.
�And there�s no doing anything abowowowowowowt it!� He said, gyrating his hips in a freakishly weird manner. This caused all the hormonal kittens around his feet to screech loudly.
�Tugger, I�m warning you, if you do that one more time, I�m going to feed you to the pollicles!� Munkustrap said with his claws in his ears.
�NOOOO!!!! YOU CAN�T!!!! NOT MY TUGGY-WUGGY!!!!!!� a hyper kitten yelled, clutching the shag rug protectively.
I watched this drama unfold, giggling all the while.
A dark brown Siamese turned to me.
�Hey, guys, what about the new cat?� She asked. No one paid any attention to her. �HELLO!!!! LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!!!!!!! I MAY BE A BACKGROUND CAT, BUT MY OPINIONS MATTER TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!� She screamed at the top of her lungs. Her cries went unnoticed by the rest of the tribe.
�Everlasting Cat�� she muttered, stalking off. Me thinks she has some identity problems or something, but that�s just my opinion.
After about five minutes of listening to the kittens screaming over the shag rug, the tabby yelling at the shag rug, and the shag rug listening to a discarded CD player, I decided I�d had enough. I walked out of the Junkyard, still hearing the painful screeches of the female kittens. The End.
