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VH1's hundred metal moments was less metal more pussy bullshit |
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When VH1 advertised it was going to play a special heralding the "100 most metal moments", I knew it was going to be bullshit. Yet, for some reason, I tortured myself and watched all of the 100 "metal moments". It was blasphemy. Some of the bands featured were Bon Jovi, Poison, Whitesnake, Warrant, Dokken, Motley Crue, Marilyn Manson, and the suck list goes on and on. Rob Halford coming out of the closet was considered a metal moment for some reason. How is that metal? What about a British faggot is metal? It's like calling Dani Filth metal. A true metal moment would be some dude in a Marduk shirt driving a tank through a gay parade. I know some jackasses persist in calling bullshit hair bands like Poison metal, but it's not. It's wuss rock, glam rock, drag queen musak etc. This shit has got to stop being called metal. It's like calling Bill Clinton an honest man, the shit just isn't true. |
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They do get credit for mentioning Mayhem (number 69) and Gorgoroth (number 45). They fucked up regarding Mayhem however by claiming that Hellhammer is the band's only original member. Bassist Necrobutcher is the only original member. Pure Fucking Armageddon, Mayhem's first official release, credits Manheim as the drummer. Hellhammer wasn't credited as a Mayhem drummer until the release of the album Live in Leipzig. They got a few other facts wrong too, most likely because their research on the band probably just consisted of their asking the mailguy what his metalhead friend knew about Mayhem. Shitheads. They mentioned Motorhead, House of Shock, and Megadeath, but other than that, every other metal moment was about Motley Crue, someone in motley crue, or some other pussy shit. The two most metal moments were randomly put at numbers 69 and 45 even though they were worthy of being number 1 and 2. Let's compare Mayhem and Gorgoroth to the bullshit that was supposedly more metal. |
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VS. |
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Gaahl - Singer from the black metal band Gorgoroth. Pissed off and prone to violence. Got in deep shit in Poland for shooting a video with simulated, naked chick crucifictions, dead animals, and tons and tons of blood. Doesn't take shit from anyone and beats the hell out of people who piss him off. One guy claimed Gaahl kicked his head in and drank some of the blood. Why? Because he's batshit crazy - and metal as hell. |
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Marilyn Manson - Lives in pussy wussass hell. Dresses like some sort of ugly woman, sings like a little pussy faggot, and thinks he scares people. Likes to rub his taint on male security guards, considered a nancy-mary by real metalheads, sucked off by gay gothic, nu-metal, hot topic kids. He thinks he's smart and has something to say...wrongo. Became an ordained minister in the satanic church. Ooohh! Big deal! Those jackasses are just athiests with a mascot. They don't believe in a heaven or hell, god or devil. They don't sacrifice babies and animals, they bitch a lot and act like they're smarter than everyone else, or know something no one else does. Besides, Anton Levey was a pussy too. |
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Gorgoroth came in on the countdown at number 45, manson joining the faggy church of satan came in at number 36. Yeah, a little bitch who scares Christians from the midwest is way more metal than a guy who'll kick your head in for pissing him off; bullshit. Plus, Gorgoroth is kickass black metal and manson is gay goth shit. Nothing metal about it. Gaahl would probably kick manson's ass for being such a wimp. Hell, he'd probably just beat marilyn manson up for looking at him. |
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VS. |
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Hear N' Aid - This massive suckfest featured some of the 80's worst singers. I mean look at this shit. It's a joke. We are the world was bad enough, but someone got the idea to do a glam rock song. This song should be forgotten and the mere mention of it should bring shame to the pussies who are responsible for it. Yet, this piece of crap moment in supreme suckiness was number 1 on VH1's bullshit list. |
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Mayhem - One of the greatest black metal bands of all time. Thir history includes gore, cannibalism, church burnings, violence, and murder. Their music is kick ass, Maniac, the singer, cuts up animal heads with crazy knives on stage for no apparent reason. He's been known to cut himself and wrap barbed wire around his arm. Why? He's nuts and very, very metal. |
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Terrible, simply terrible. Hear N' aid, the biggest joke associated (wrongly might I ad) with metal made number 1 on the list. Bullshit alarms should be going off all over the place on this one. |
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Another disgrace to VH1's list - Peter Steele of Type O Negative posing for playgirl. Fuck man, it can't get much worse than that shit. I decided to ask the fag, er I mean, Mr. Steele why he posed for playgirl, why he sucks so much, and why his band sucks and is not metal. I didn't actually interview Mr. Steele and none of his opinions are remotely expressed in the following interview. |
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Me: Thanks for speaking with me tool.
Steele: No proble...hey, did you just call me a tool?
Me: Wouldn't dream of it fag. Anyway, why does your band suck so much?
Steele: Isn't it obvious? It sucks because of me.
Me: I suspected as much. So, how do you make the band suck so hard?
Steele: well, pretty much everything I do is shit. I could totally fuck up a great song just by being in the room. |
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Me: That explains a lot. You really do suck.
Steele: No mystery about it.
Me: What made you pose for playgirl?
Steele: I liked the idea that a bunch of gay dudes would be jerkin' it to pictures of me. That's why I started Type O Negative.
Me: It had nothing to do with the money?
Steele: Listen, money can't buy you love or gay dudes across the country all whacking off to pictures of you. Money had nothing to do with it.
Me: I bet a lot of women liked it too.
Steele: Aren't you listening...
Me: Sorry. Anyway, were you honored to be mentioned on VH1's stupid metal list.
Steele: Honetly, I was surprised. I'm like the farthest thing away from metal that you'll ever find. Metal is scary, and frankly, it makes me very uncomfortable.
Me: Were there any benefits to being mentioned?
Steele: Well, I hope it got a bunch of gay guys to wack off to naked pictures of me. I mean, that's really my ultimate goal as I mentioned already.
Me: What if real metalheads saw the segment and now want to kick your ass.
Steele: Oh shit...I hadn't thought of that. Well, you know what? It's a risk I'm willing to take if it will make gay dudes everywhere yank it to pictures of me.
Me: Damn you're gay.
Steele: Yup.
Me: And you suck.
Steele: You know it. Well, I have to go. I'm getting my prostate checked by a friend of mine in the alley behind this studio.
Me: What the fuck?
Steele: Yeah, he does great work. Doesn't even use his hands. It's great. Later. |
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Well, that pretty much sums it up. Vh1's 100 most metal moments was crappy and Peter Steele is a fucking queer. |
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Home. |
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