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Random stupid-asses. |
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There are a lot of idiots out there. I just want to point out a few that have been pissing me off lately. |
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JACKASSES THAT RAVE IN A CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT: This is probably the dopiest thing I've ever seen. These clever fellows have found a way to have fun even though they're so lame they couldn't get invited to a rave. They decided to pack the rave up (them, their mom's shitty old faded red honda, and a tape with gay trance music) and take it with them to a stupid parking lot. Congratulations, you're hanging out in a parking lot on a friday night. These three geniuses actually play their trance tape with the windows rolled down and dance around next to their car, twirling glow sticks around like a bunch of fairies for several hours at a time. They must have some idea of just how fucking ridiculous they look; but then again, they might just be idiots. |
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STUPID GROUP OF GUYS THAT RAP TO A BEAT CD IN A CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT: These shit-eaters should meet up with the raver kids and have a parking lot party. The problem is no one would go to a party with these losers. These guys hang around their "pimped-out rides" (old trucks and SUV's with shiny rims) and take turns "free-styling" to a cd full of random drumbeats. It's terrible. "Professional" rappers suck as is, but there's something about a bunch of white guys struggling to rhyme "fo-shizzy", and flashing gang signs at each other in a parking lot that is especially awful. |
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PEOPLE WITH A CELL PHONE GRAFTED ONTO THEIR EAR: Everywhere you go, there are several assholes that are apparently so damn important they have to be talking on a cell phone at all times. I went to blockbuster to rent a movie and I was greeted by a store full of people on cell phones. At first I thought they all must have been asking their friends what movies to get. I was wrong. These jerks were all just having random conversations about unimportant shit. Apparently, they can't move while they're on a cell phone because every way I turned I was blocked by someone with a vacant stare talking on the phone. Finally someone hung up and went back to looking for a movie, but as soon as the phone was taken away from his ear, it began ringing, not a normal ring of course, it was ringing a song. A stupid, irritating song that drilled into my brain like the clumsy drill of a drunken dentist boring into a tooth. I've found if you just push these assholes out of the way, or beat the shit out of them, you get kicked out of the store or arrested; so I've found a way to deal with them. When they answer the phone, talk to them like they were addressing you.
EXAMPLE: IDIOT: (into phone) Oh, hey, what's up?
ME: (to idiot) Oh not much, just looking for a movie.
IDIOT: (shakes head at me and points to phone as she obviously speaks into it) He said what?
ME: (give her the thumbs up and keep talking to her) He said Hellraiser was good.
You get the idea. You just keep up the conversation until the person has had enough. They will either hang up in a huff, walk away bitching to their phone buddy about you, or flat out tell you they are on the phone and give you a bunch of shit. Either way, it'll piss them off, and they'll probably move out of your way. Don't let these fuckers walk all over you, give them hell. (There's a lot of other things you can do, but my lawyer says I can't mention any of them.) |
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THE FUCKERS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT GOD-AWFUL MOTOROLA SANTA COMMERCIAL: Where you at? Fuck you asshole! Say that one more time you shit, and I'll kick you in the mouth until you learn how to quit pissing me off. That is the most irritating commercial I have ever seen. I bet tons of people watch that commercial and get a real kick out of it. you know why? Because they are fucking stupid and only the truly stupid would enjoy such an obviously terrible commercial; AND only an incredibly idiotic jackass would go out and buy the phone because of the commercial. |
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THE ASSHOLES RESPONSIBLE FOR OLD NAVY COMMERCIALS: They suck so much words cannot even describe it. When I saw Fran Drescher sitting there, confusedly saying something about her shizzle being fizzled, I vomited. Literally. I literally emptied the contents of my stomach onto the floor in my house. I would have gladly grabbed a spoon and eaten my own chunky vomit with a smile on my face if it would have gotten me out of ever seeing that commercial again. Alas, I was not given that option. The people responsible for these abominations should be hanging themselves with phone cords because of their shame. This kind of garbage shouldn't even be legal. |
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Much more to come. |
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