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People don't like what I have to say. |
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This is where I'll address my critics. I probably won't bother doing this very often as most people who criticise what I write aren't able to form anything that resembles a sentence. Most of these people read my articles elsewhere online, so when they give me a number, it's because that particular site uses a numerical rating system. |
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Post # 1 - Do goths squeak when you hit them? |
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This was the first thing I posted on ubersite.com. Some people liked it, but there were a bunch of pussies who were bothered by it. On average, my posts are rated a puny 0.01. Some of these people think it hurts me when they give me a bad score. |
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REPLY: "u suck" This asshole can't even spell. |
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REPLY: "no, not funny. you have some predjudice against goths for some unknown reason?"
I have a predjudice against goths for many reasons.
1. They whine all the fucking time.
2. They think they're really smart, but in actuality, they are just whiney.
3. Wearing fake fangs and hissing at people is gay.
4. They listen to shitty music.
5. Gothic poetry is lame and whiney.
6. They think they're different and not just another stupid trend, but they're just as trendy and twice as whiney.
6. Hot Topic is a shitty store.
7. Gothic girls are usually fat with bad haircuts. They're not deep, they know they look like dead, bloated, manatees and it makes them sad.
8. gothic dudes lisp a lot and wear pleather short-shorts.
9. Buddhists know that life is pain and suffering but you don't see them crying and wearing fishnet stockings on their arms.
The list could go on and on...and I'm sure it will.
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REPLY: "not worth a reply" Maybe not, but you replied anyway stupid. |
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REPLY: "I hate goths but your username sucks and probably squeaks" My username kicks ass. If you listened to kick ass bands like Impaled you would think it kicked ass as well. Also, it doesn't squeak, it growls in a gutteral fashion. |
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REPLY: "I know my dick makes a wet sploshy sound when it hits the back of your throat" I believe you've mistaken me for either your gay whore of a father, or possibly (insert name of one of your beloved and dead relatives here). |
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REPLY: "Right..." Apparently this person either died or nodded off during his reply and indicated this by adding a "..." to the end of his one word post. I can only hope that someone is able to find his stench-ridden, slowly rotting body before a group of desperately horny wild dogs find the corpse and use its soft flesh as a series of smelly fuck-holes. |
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REPLY: "Hee hee. I can be a jerk and nobody can stop me" Nice use of a Simpsons quote. It's so rare that anyone does that. |
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REPLY: "Yeah. I don't think you're very funny, and this is a violent example of this" Sorry what? I was too busy beating the shit out of a clown to come up with a good response to your criticism. |
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Hails and horns to the guy who said "haha...did you try the 'Quit hitting yourself' routine?" I haven't tried it yet, but will do so when I further my research. |
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Post # 2 - A message to would be stigmatists. |
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How could anyone be offended by this. Me telling a joke about my shoe getting stuck in the Pope's cunt on the other hand, might be offensive to some of the more sensitive readers. |
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Most of the reviews of this post were mildy positive or indifferent. I was accused however, of writing an anti-catholic rant. To this I say, when the catholic church stops giving me stuff to be pissed about, I'll quit badmouthing them. Also, I feel that "A Message to Would Be Stigmatists" was too well organized to be a rant. |
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Post # 3 - Just a few nu-metal bands that should be fed to rabid racoons. |
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I knew people would get pissed about this one. Hey, it's not my fault that people who listen to blatantly inferior bands are super defensive about their poor taste in music. People get mad when you point out their obvious faults. People hated this post so much that they actually reviewed it, saying nothing, just so they could rate it a -2. I'm so hurt. |
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REPLY: "I doubt you could do any better" This of course refers to me saying that the singer from the deftones sounds like he is gagging on cock while he sings. Yes, I can do better. All I have to do is not sound like I'm gagging on cock, which comes naturally to most people. Anyway, this unhappy reviewer goes on to rate my post -2. This is painful enough but he also felt the need to preface this heart-breaking rating with the cutting remark "Here comes the -2 train! Choo Choo!" It's like salt in open wounds. I'm deeply hurt. What a stupid faggot. |
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REPLY: "Let's hear your recorded album, and hear you whine about your redneck mother. This post sucks more balls than Jenna J." I expect this sort of stupid response from someone calling himself "SoHipItHurts". My album is in the works and my mom is not a redneck whereas your mother is completely and thoroughly ashamed of you. |
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REPLY: "no one cares" You cared enough to post this remark. Idiot. |
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REPLY: "...the Deftones have been out for quite a while and therefore couldn't be classified as nu-metal" Are you trying to sound like a stupid asshole? |
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REPLY: "only half of these bands suck...I bet your band is better huh?" Yes, my band is better. Much better; and saying only half of these bands suck is a sure sign that you're a pussy. |
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REPLY: "Ps here's a -2 to shove up your poopie, happy proctosigmoiditis!" This person is obviously afflicted with autocytolysis. Maybe he is suffering from clitorism, that would explain a lot. Is that paratrophy acting up again you cock licker? I might diagnose peotillomania but that would be impossible considering you have no dick. Maybe you got sick from ingesting such huge ammounts of indole. You're probably a trigonocephalic aren't you buddy? I know, I know, you're just a stupid fag. |
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REPLY: "Dude are you seriously dumb or something I think korn are great" No. Korn sucks. Everything about korn sucks. Maybe they sound better when your head is up your ass. Try listening to them when you come up for air. You'll be surprised at the difference. |
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REPLY: "Deftones are a class above the rest of the bands" More deftone fans. Someone better call hot topic and tell them to order more Around the Fur shirts. There's a simpleton convention and they all want deftones shirts. |
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To the folks who agreed with me on this post - Great work. |
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Much more to come I'm sure. |
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