Buddha pisses me off.
Why? Look at him. What an asshole. Sitting around with that smarmy grin on his face, thinking he's better than me. Lazy bastard; of course he's going to preach against materialism, he was too lazy to get a fuckin' job. Everyone should have called him a lazy bum, but he was a smooth talker and made himself look really fuckin cool and wise for essentially being a hobo. 
Life is suffering, no shit! That's not an epiphany that's common sense. It took him six years to figure that out. Nice insight fatass.
Sitting around under a tree telling me what to do, I don't think so man. Buddhism teaches tolerance for all other religions and beliefs. You know why, because Buddha was too much of a pussy to punch, say, a catholic in the face and proudly and confidently say, "My religion is better faggot". No wars have even been fought in the name of Buddhism. What kind of lame ass shit is that. No wonder all the other religions think Buddhism is a sissy. Buddhism is like the wimpy, paste-eating kid in school who gets picked on for eating paste but never stands up for himself. Instead of cowering in the corner with his tub-o-paste, Buddhism needs to stand up for himself and kick some ass. Then, maybe the other religions would let him in their club. Instead of answering an insult with a silly pacifistic statement, he should start kicking people in the balls. Maybe he just needs to grow some balls. He needs to get off the 8-fold path and onto a stairmaster. What a dick.  
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