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| More bands that should be fed to the badgers at the zoo. | ||||||||||||
| Bare Naked Ladies: I was at Blockbuster Video the other night, trying to find something decent to watch, when my ears were raped by a terrible song. I've always hated this band, but their new song, something about monkies, was enough to push me over the edge. I immediately screamed like a caveman about to kill something that he would later eat. My eyes glazed over and I was no longer able to speak English or think rationally. I was a violent, barbaric, lunatic who could think of nothing other than destroying the offending noise. I jumped onto a nearby counter, reached up, and ripped a tv playing the music video off the ceiling. I threw it at a nearby employee who was obviously a filthy punker. It knocked him to the ground where I proceded to bludgeon him repeatedly with the tv until the music stopped. That was not the only tv playing the video, so I hurredly went about the task of breaking all of the other tv's. Someone in the store was trying to dial the police on his cell phone, but his lower than average intelligence made it impossible for him to remember how to call 911. Right before I broke a tv screen over his upside-down visor wearing head he screamed, "Damn yo! You be fuckin mad crazy! Don kill me, I jus be chillin hur". That made me even crazier, and after I broke the tv over his head I tore his leg off and beat his squealing girlfriend with it. When all the tv's were destroyed and the "music" was silenced, I became my regular, mild mannered self again. Before I left the store, I grabbed a copy of one of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. A few days later when I went to return the video, the store was closed down. Apparently, after my rampage, I victoriously smeared my shit all over the walls in patterns that looked somewhat like crude cave paintings. The health inspector had closed the place down due to unsanitary conditions. | ||||||||||||
| Blink 182: I hate this band. I was carpooling to class one day and the driver had the radio on. I hate the radio. The tall, skinny bitch from Blink 182 was being interviewed on the shitty radio station. I tried not to listen but the sheer bullshit of what was being said was too hard to block out. The girl conducting the interview was practically licking the guy's asshole. I've never heard such obvious attempts at sucking up. He loved it of course. She was saying shit about the new cd being brilliant, and technical, and even original and revolutionary. The whole cd is just like all their other cds, which, in turn, are just like every other sissy punk band out there. They are still using the same fucking chord progressions in every song. There is nothing new, or original about this band. I hate this band and all of their stupid fans. If I were given the opportunity to be the first person to violently bitch-slap someone to death, I would suggest Blink 182 as the victims. It would probably take several hours to kill someone by bitch-slapping them and my hands might be a little sore the next day, but all in all, I would be honored to aid scientific research by bitch-slapping Blink 182 to death. | ||||||||||||
| AFI: I always wondered what Danzig would be like if he were extremely gay and untalented. Wait, no I didn't. | ||||||||||||
| The Strokes: They look like a bunch of heroin ravaged hobos, but they more than make up for poor appearance with lack of musical ability or talent of any kind. | ||||||||||||
| The White Stripes: A fine example of what happens when a retarded duo is allowed to play with musical instruments. I'm amazed the institution they were forced to live in allowed them to play with drums and a guitar. These instruments could possibly poke them or harm them in some way. I mean, for people who aren't even allowed to use a pencil, it's amazing that they're allowed anywhere near something as potentially dangerous as a musical instrument. Although, because they don't use their instruments to make any form of music, their caretakers may feel that there is no immediate threat. Whatever the case may be, it is nice to see two obviously mentally challenged people allowed to live their dream of being in the spotlight if only for fifteen minutes. Boy, if they weren't so extremely retarded, their terrible music wouldn't be tolerated at all. I mean, if any normal person were responsible for such heinous musical abuse, no one would buy their cd's right? Because the general population is smarter than that right? People are intelligent enough to steer clear of such an obvious trend aren't they? Also, they're smart enough to notice cutting sarcasm when they hear, or rather, read it, right? | ||||||||||||
| Green Day: A band that has recorded the same CD ten times (or however many CD's they shit out). They know three chords and they've run out of different orders to play them. Same old bitch punk exaggerated angst, same old life is so hard, suburbia is hard, too many drugs because I'm depressed and useless, same old lack of creativity and intelligence, etc.. Now that they're older, they're concerned, they have issues and a message. From the lyrics I read, I'd say their message is, "I'm a dolt without an ounce of sense or an understanding of even the most basic of society's ills, yet, I have all the solutions." Here's an example, "Don't wanna be an American idiot" too late half-wit. If you're dumb enough to listen to their music, you're probably dumb enough to adopt their politics. | ||||||||||||
| There's a lot more to come. | ||||||||||||
| Home. | ||||||||||||