INSPIRATION AND THE SQUIRREL (hyde, hakuei)

by elenity

Hyde was looking through the bar window. He had chosen a quiet table in a dark corner and sat there with a glass of whiskey in front of him. The sight at the other side of the window was quiet: green trees surrounding a clear where a squirrel was chasing after a nut. The nut rolled each time the little animal tried to catch it, and Hyde felt a smile coming to the corner of his mouth. The squirrel stood still for a moment while he stared at the nut, then it shaked his head in a too much Sakura-alike gesture and jumped over the nut, rolling both of them togheter until they got lost behind a tree. Hyde sighed. He knew what the fate of the nut would be whenever the squirrel got to catch it in the right way.

He then looked a little to the right and saw a white building with big posters on its wall shining with the late evening sun rays. His eyes hurt because of the bright shining but he still didn’t look away. Instead, he searched for his glass with a blind hand and downed it in one gulp.

"Another whiskey!", he shouted to the waiter, rubbing his sore eyes.

"Hey!". The scream came from the other side of the bar, where a tall young man had just entered the crystal doors. Hyde was sure he had seen him before, but he could not remember when or where. He was surprised to discover that, in fact, if was kind of difficult trying to remember something but the squirrel in that moment.

The guy approached his table together with the waiter, who brought two instead of just one drink. "You mind if I sit here?", the stranger asked, "C’mon, don’t look at me in that way, I’m sure you know who I am. I saw you as I passed by and thought, oh, well, why not having a drink with Haido?".

"Hmm... You’re Hakuei??". "But of course!", he shouted, "Who do you think I was, the last emperor?". Hyde muffled a laugh an reached for his glass. "One gulp?", Hakuei asked with an evil grin spreading all over his face. "One gulp".

"Another whiskey!", both of them shouted.

"So", Hakuei crossed his arms, leaned forward and put his elbows over the table, "what are you doing here all alone?". "I came to see The Squirrel And The Nut", Hyde took a sip, "but none of the guys wanted to come with me". "I see...", he let fall his head over his arms, "Was it a good play?". "Very funny it was, yes, very good actors... but yet a sad ending".

"Another whiskey!".

"And you?". This time was Hakuei’s turn to explain his reasons: "I was looking for Inspiration, but I think he ran away forever".

"He?", Hyde raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, "he. If Inspiration was "she"", Hakuei explained with the glass in his hand waiting for an opportunity, "then I’d fell in love with her and you already know engaged couples can’t make good things together. Luckily, Inspiration is male". "And you don’t fell in love with Inspiration just because of his male condition?".

"Another whiskey!".

"Well, Inspiration and I have had many love affairs, but were mainly that, love affairs", he sighed, "Nothing deeper. Only lovers. Never engaged". "You have not answered my question", Hyde reproached him. "Yes I did", he replied.

"OK, let’s ask it in another way...", Hyde made a huge effort to switch the thinking part of his mind on, "Have you ever been in love with Inspiration despite his male condition?".

Hakuei closed his eyelids and took a deep breath. Then he searched for something inside a pocket of his leather pants. "You want a cigarette?". Hyde nodded. He remembered Sakura screaming something about smoke and lungs and voice and something else but the image of Sakura in his mind changed to that of the squirrel, and he could’t avoid laughing. "What’s so funny?", asked Hakuei letting out the smoke. "Nothing, a scene of the play I just saw came to my mind", he took a puff of the cigarette, "Now answer my question".

"I have been in love with Inspiration, yes", he admitted. "And", hyde narrowed his eyes, "did he ever knew?".

"No".

"Another whiskey!".

"Why?". Smoke filled the air. It was a nice smell, Hyde thought, but it really did not smell like tobacco... was it really tobacco?

"I always preferred him thinking I only wanted his shape, not his interior", he laid his cigarette on the ashtray and his hand changed his attention to the glass of whiskey. "Do you regret not having told him?", Hyde asked watching his colleague take a sip. "I do. I regret it, yes I do. But if I lived my life again, I wouldn’t told him either", he took now a bigger swig, "Inspiration is that: Inspiration. And if i ever told him I love him with all my heart and all my mind and flesh and bones and blood, he’d run away from me and I’d never have Inspiration again".

"But maybe he would also love you in the same way". Hyde turned his head. Inspiration was now taking form in his mind, a very human shape with long black silky hair and pale bony cheeks... but that was HIS Inspiration, not Hakuei’s. He didn’t need to hear his answer, he just knew Inspiration would never love in the same way.

"No", Hakuei answered with a weak voice, "Inspiration would never love in the same way".

"I know", Hyde assured.

Hyde looket into Hakuei’s eyes for a moment. He could feel Hakuei’s confusion struggling with the effects of too much whiskey running through the bloodstream. He leaned backward and closed his eyes.

"Inspiration plays with the nut until he gets to open it and eat it, but then there is no reason for him to keep the shell", his lips curved in a sad smile, "He just throws it away".

Silence fell upon them like a vault which had been thrown out from the very top of the Empire State. His eyes met again, but this time Hyde found Hakuei’s painfully filled with understanding.

"Another whiskey".

"There’s no point on running after Inspiration when he has gone away", Hyde said, his voice painted with a bitter colour, "He will never come back".

Hakuei didn’t say a word. He sat there at the quiet table in the dark corner with a glass of whiskey in front of him and the smoke filling the air between him and Hyde. But the smoke was clear enough to allow their eyes comfort each other and make time stand still.

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OWARI 22’03 99/5/23

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ok, i guess i should be right now studying for my final exams (have one tomorrow -_-’) but just can’t. i’m in my room with my father’s portable pc and lying under piles of dictionaries, text books and self-made notes *rolls eyes*. my head feels dizzy. dunno if there are squirrels in japan. i feel terrible *shivers*. i really need sleeping...

elenity#

(thinking her hyde clone’s belly looks TOO comfortable... she wants a new pillow...)

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