Summer 1999 (the death of my innocence)

You made me cry
because of my fears
and what they are
doing to you.
You made yourself 
the victim
of my attempted
rape from months ago...
You are the one suffering
because you can't wait
for me to recover...
(I can't give you what you need...)
I warned you never to call me a tease-
but you just hit me with 
your exasperation and
frustration
like a slap in the face
and a shove against the headboards.
I know you think 
you are valorous
for holding off as long 
as you have, 
but my love,
I am still frightened-
I have no clear pictures of what to expect-
only memories
of muffled screams
and shame...
I knew that one day my virginity
would ruin my life...