Confusing Conversions to English

• In a hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

• In a hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Dricing is then going alphabetically by national order."

• Another elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

• Hotel notice: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily."

• Restaurant menu: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

• Written reply to accommodation request: "I am honorable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy it is here have not bedroom with bath. Bathroom with bed I have. Do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed."

• Advice on maid service: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

• Laundry: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

• Airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

• Water quality: "The manager has personally passed all the water here."

• Sign in a tailor shop: "Order your summer suits. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

• Sign in dress shop: "Ladies have fits upstairs."

• Hotel desk: "If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager."