Completed: 7/6/01 ===================================================================== CHILD OF UNREQUITED LOVE: a SORA WA AKAI KAWA NO HOTORI fanfic By Corbeau Noir ===================================================================== --------------- Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to SORA WA AKAI KAWA NO HOTORI and its characters belong to Shinohara Chie, and the distributors of her work. The characters of this series are used without permission for the purpose of entertainment only, and is not meant for sale or profit. --------------- Author's notes: This is a story that takes place just prior to when Queen Nakia set into motion that whole fiasco with Mursili and the illegitimate child. Unfortunately, the manga volume in which this event occurs escapes me for the moment. Anyone interested in hosting this particular fanfic on their website, feel free to do so. Just please send an e-mail to me at doppelganger03@hotmail.com before you do. This is more to let me know where my work has gone than anything else. And as always, critiques and comments are always welcome. ^_^ --------------- ===================================================================== With a patience born from years of practice, she stood still as the servants fussed with the last finishing touches of her appearance. The midday sun was peeking into the room from an open window; its light catching at the glittering jewels her father had insisted she wear for this occasion. As a servant inserted one more jewel-incrusted head ornament into her hair, she muffled an exasperated sigh into the hem of her gold-embroidered robe. Even in the relatively cool confines of her room, the dress was beginning to feel a little stifling. She hated to think how it would feel to wear the garment and all its accompanying accessories under the scorching midday sun. But unfortunately there was no help for it. For today she was going to the palace to answer the summons of Queen Nakia... And perhaps, just perhaps, see *him* again. And then she paused. Did she want to see him? She'd heard the rumors... Had seen for herself the newest girl from whose side he never seemed to leave. And even if there had been no concubine to worry about, she could not get out of her head that last disastrous night between the two of them. She could remember every last devastating detail to the second. Even if it had been over two years ago. "Mama! Mama!" The sound of her son's voice came as a balm on her aching heart, and she laughed as she caught the rambunctious six-months-old child in her arms, ignoring the disapproving clucks of her handmaidens as the boy mussed up her arduously arranged toilette. "Now, now, little prince, be a good boy. Mama needs to go somewhere for a while, so listen to Nanny," she told him, stroking his soft baby hair. He could easily pass as his son, she thought wistfully, and at times she had a hard time remembering he was not, especially when everyone else seemed to think so. Absently, she brushed a few leaves and twigs from his unruly curls. Immediately her son looked up at her, the beginnings of a frown on his face, his large amber eyes fixed on hers with an intensity that was startling for a child of his age. And he opened his mouth to ask: "Why?" The unexpected question caught her off-guard, and for a moment she was thrown two years back... Back to when a different pair of amber eyes had looked upon her with an even greater intensity, asking a similar question. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Two years ago] It had been weeks since she'd last seen him, months since he'd last visited her bedchamber. The only comfort she'd held, as she lay cold and alone in her bed, was that he wasn't visiting any of his other lovers either. Palace rumor had it that he was occupied with the king's business. And yet she couldn't help but wonder if he was so occupied that he couldn't even think to send her a message of some sort...just to show he still remembered her. Life without him was a dreary existence, one in which she only woke hoping that that night would be the night in which he would finally grace her with his presence. It was too cold to wait up by the window, looking for signs of his arrival while the wind blew in snowdrifts from outside. But she did, and in the morning her maids always found her curled up at the window, having fallen asleep during her nightly vigils. It was a miracle that she passed the winter without catching her death from cold. As the months passed and there was still no sign of him, she began to have doubts. She began to wonder if there was someone else that the palace gossip circuit didn't know about, if that someone else had taken her place as his favorite. She kept on worrying, kept on fearing, until anxiety made her so haggard that her father sought to confine her to her bed fearing she was ill. So when at last he finally came to her under the cover of night, she'd been almost overcome with relief and gladness. They spent that night doing what they always did when he came to her rooms under such circumstances. He was as gentle with her as ever and took even greater care than before to see to her pleasure. When their entangled bodies finally stilled upon the bed, she was gasping, exhausted, and totally spent, though she could feel that his body was only slightly out of breath. For a while they just laid there, not moving, satisfied to simply bathe in the afterglow. She snuggled as close to him as she dared, backing off when his body tensed to remind her of the always- present boundary he had set between them. She knew him too well to expect him to stay long with her after the deed was done, and yet she could not help but hope that tonight would be the night he would finally remain with her till morning, even if just to reassure herself that her encounters with him were more than just a dream. But when minutes passed and he still made no effort to disentangle himself, she raised her head to look up into his eyes questioningly. And when she saw him watching her with a thoughtful expression on his face, for some reason a feeling of satisfaction coursed through her. "Princess," he murmured against her hair, the word a reverence and as close to an endearment as she'd ever heard from him. Heady with a feeling that could only be called elation, she promptly buried her face in his shoulder. The bright moonlight streaming through the open window had chased away the shadows and in that moment of false security, she slipped and committed the most grievous error she could ever commit in their relationship. Snuggling against his throat, she whispered three fatal words: "I love you." Fool she was. It could not be said that she didn't know better, because she did. She had heard all too many stories of broken hearts as a result of such confessions to the prince, had sworn up and down that *she* would never be so foolish as to commit such an act. But in her defense, it could only be said she never truly expected to fall as hard for him as she did. And people in love were known to be called all kinds of fools. Besides, she had high hopes that she had become more than simply one of his women. Her hopes were misplaced. At her whispered admission, he'd bolted up, dumping her away from him as if she had suddenly grown two heads and a tail. As for her, she was too shocked to say anything, and could only stare with growing dismay as he leapt out of the warmth they'd created. He didn't even hesitate, even though the wintry bite of early spring must have chilled him to the bone. It took less than a minute for him to throw on his robe and grab his short sword from the foot of the bed. And the entire time he never once glanced her way. She watched him the whole time, not saying anything, not doing anything, hardly even daring to breathe...while tears streamed silently down her cheeks. He was already at the doorway, when he paused and finally turned to face at her. For an indeterminate period of time, they remained like that, staring at each other with one unwilling to move and the other unable to. She could not truly see him, for clouds had shadowed the previously bright moon. Everything was shadowed and in shadows, until suddenly a stray moonbeam slipped into the room, and his eyes, which were previously hooded in shadows, snared that passing shaft of light and flared into gold like water reflected by the sun. She caught her breath then, almost choking on her tears. Gods, but he was beautiful. And suddenly, in a flash of intuition, she knew that if he left tonight, she would never again see him like this. But at the same time, she didn't know what to say in order to make him stay. He was searching her face as if looking for hidden clues, when he broke the tense silence with a question. "Why?" The question resounded through the room, even though it had been spoken in a hoarse whisper. She gazed upon him frantically. Why? Why did she love him? Was that what he was asking? When she told him she loved him, she had crossed the boundary he'd set between all his lovers. And if the stories were true, whenever that happened, he discarded the woman without a second glance no matter what it might have seemed she meant to him. That he was still standing there gave her hope that there might still be a future for the two of them. But then he continued, "Why do you love me, when I don't love you?" She felt the world drop out from under her, and the blood drain from her face. It was one thing to suspect this, but to hear it stated so bluntly, and from his own mouth no less... And he was still waiting for a reply. Her tongue felt leaden and glued to the floor of her mouth. "B-b-because..." she stammered, and then was unable to go on. She desperately willed him to see that her love for him had no words to describe it, that it was unconditional, even if it was one-sided. She implored him to see that her heart, body and soul was his for the taking...If only he would make the tiniest effort to accept it. But apparently, what she offered wasn't enough, for in the face of her selfless offer, a mask had slammed over his face and any emotions except carefully cultivated geniality fled from his expression. And as dispassionately as if he was discussing the weather, he told her, "I'm sorry." He bowed to her; though whether in apology or regret or remorse, she would never know. Then shutting the door gently behind him, he walked out of her life. A year later, her son was born. [End] ===================================================================== Author's endnotes: I have always wondered how the women whom Prince Mursili discarded felt, and what was his reason for doing so. The character of the princess, from whose perspective this story was written in, had always fascinated me. She had made her debut appearance in the manga SORA WA AKAI KAWA NO HOTORI as the mother of a boy who was rumored to be Mursili's illegitimate child. This rumor was to become the basis of another of Queen Nakia's insidious plots to separate our beloved heroine Yuri and her prince. While Yuri and Mursili will always to be my favorite couple, one could not help but wonder why Mursili, prior to meeting her, pushed all those other women away as he did. A simple answer is readily available: because that was how Shinohara Chie wanted the story to be. But in the realm of fanfiction, one can explore possibilities and delve into alternate explanations. And this story was simply the result of my take on the whole issue. ^_^ BTW, if anyone noticed I never mentioned the princess by name, that's because I don't know her name. ^^; If anyone can inform me either her name or her child's, I would be most grateful. ------------------------------------------------ E-mail the author at doppelganger03@hotmail.com =====================================================================