Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA
and the FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent
you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
Pisces people screw small animals.
Aries ( Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick
tempered, impatient, and scornful of advise. You are a prick.
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21)
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like
hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but
a goddamn communist.
Gemini (May 22 - Jun 21)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are
bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This
means you are cheap. Geminis are notorious for thriving in incest.
Cancer (June 22 - July 23)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think
you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, and that's why you'll
always be on welfare and never worth shit.
Leo (July 24 - Aug 23)
You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy. Most
Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always thieving bastards.
Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to
your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making
love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are
a man you are more than likely queer. Changes of employment and monetary
gains are excellent. Most libra women make excellent whores. All Libras die
of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a
plu-perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov23 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on
luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunk and dope
fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting
fucked.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of
anything. You are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they tend
to attract pigeons.
