Cynic's Den

And another collection of quotes for those who enjoy a little cynicism.

(1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff

Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steve Wright

A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.

"A witty saying proves nothing." -- Voltaire

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

History is a set of lies agreed upon.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

The more things change, the more they remain the same.
-- Alphonse Karr, Les Guepes/Les Femmes

The strongest bulwark of the capitalist system is the ignorance of its victims.
-- Adolf Fischer, Courtroom speech at the Haymarket trial

The Christian god can easily be pictures as virtually the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious.

If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites.
-- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to his nephew, Peter Carr

Why is it that if it is a chicken it is called an omlett but when it is a human it is called murder?
-- George Carlin

All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
-- Alexandre Dumas, quoted by Stanley Gudder in "A Mathematical Journey"

Workers are like lemons. When the rich have sucked out all the juice, they throw them in the garbage.
-- Ricardo Flores Magon, Regeneracion; April 1911

He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.
-- William Drummond, Academical Questions

[I]n the United States . . . the word honor, save when it is applied to the structural integrity of women, has only comic significance. When one hears of the honor of politicians, of bankers, of lawyers, of the United States itself, everyone normally laughs.
-- H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: Sixth Series

The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover; it is kept alive by hope and fear, by childish faith, and by cowardice.
-- Clarence Darrow, The Wisdom of Clarence Darrow

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
-- Ambrose Bierce, Epigrams

The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion . . . In the long run it will create a generation incapable of appreciating the difference between independence of thought and subservience.
-- Henry Steele Commager

Improving one's style means improving one's ideas,
and nothing else.
He who does not at once concede this
can never be convinced of the point.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

Prisons are built with stones of law,
brothels with bricks of religion.
-- William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

As the caterpillar chooses the fairest leaves
To lay her eggs on, so the priest lays his curse
On the fairest joys.
-- William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

It was fear that first brought gods into the world.
-- Petronius Arbiter

It is only those who do nothing who make no mistakes.
-- Peter Kropotkin, Anarchism: Its Philosophy and Ideals

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock

From the start, the Christian faith is a sacrifice; a sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self-confidence of the spirit; at the same time, enslavement and self-mockery, self-mutilation.
-- Friedrich Nietsche Beyond Good and Evil

"Catholics, which I was until I reached the age of reason..."
-- George Carlin