Violets

The morning was bright and a slight breeze stirred the leaves, turning them golden
in the summer sun. Richard sat on his front porch drinking an ice tea and going over the
mail. He thumbed though a few bills, set aside "Soccer World" for his son, Josh, and
handed a teen magazine to his oldest daughter, Kathy, who was lounging on the porch
swing. She flipped though the pages and set it aside. After a few moments, Richard
handed up a letter with block writing and an out of state address. She was through the
front door as she turned to the second page. She would be on the phone to her friends
telling them everything the young man had written and some things he hadn't. Richard
shook his head and smiled, opening the plain brown package from the gardening center.
He pulled aside Maddy's violets from his vegetable packets and walked across the lawn
to where she was playing.

"Maddy, your flowers are here." She looked up from her dolls and took the
packet, grinning.

"Thanks Daddy." she said. "Can we plant them now?"

"Sure. Let me get the watering can." She jumped up and ran to her flower boxes.

"Put your toys up first."

"Ok." she sighed. She set the packet down on the edge of the flower box and
turned back towards her dolls.

Last summer, Richard had built Maddy two flower boxes on the front fence. He
helped her put in the soil and took her to the gardening center to pick out the seeds. He
tried to get her interested in vegetable gardening, but she only wanted to plant flowers.
The one strawberry plant he convinced her to get died within a month. Now one of the
boxes hung barren while the other was over run with the blue and purple Cranesbill she
planted earlier in the year.

Richard walked back up to the house, a warm summer wind tossing his hair and
pulling at his cloths. He squinted in the sun. His wife, Alice, was waving at him from the
living room window. He waved back, smiling, but she kept waving, shaking her head and
pointing behind him. He turned, the sound of screeching tires filling his world. The still
body of his daughter lay in the street, the flower packet stirring innocently beside her.

Richard sat at the kitchen table in his best suit staring at the packet of violet seeds
on the far side of the table. The house had grown quiet around him and he could hear the
gentle creek of someone coming down the stair steps.

"Richard?" Her hand touched his damp cheek. "Come to bed."

"Josh and Kathy get to sleep all right?" he asked.

"It took them a while, but they're both asleep now."

Alice sat beside him, laying her head on his shoulder. "My little girl..." She
choked and began to cry quietly. Richard turned and put his hand on her head, clenching
his own eyes against grief.

The sun was shining between the blinds when Richard woke. He put on his robe
and went down stairs as the smells of bacon and toast filled the house.

"Morning, Dad." Josh was bent over the table reading the Sunday comics.

"Morning." he yawned.

Alice hovered over the stove cooking breakfast. Richard kissed her on the cheek
as she patted his arm and gave him a plate.

"It'll be done soon. Have a seat."

Josh looked up from his comics. "Are we still going to the Aquarium this
weekend?”

"That's the plan."

"I told Tom about the sharks and stuff and he wants to come too. Is that okay?"

"Of course. Make sure he asks his dad." Richard sat down at the table, picking up
the mangled paper. "So, is Kathy up yet?"

"Who?" his son asked.

"Your sister, Josh.”

"You feeling alright, Richard?" Alice asked.

"I suppose. I just wanted to know if she was up yet. I was going to ask her to help
me with a few things in the yard this afternoon." He looked up through the kitchen entry
way into the stair well. "Kathy! Rise and shine, kido.” He called and went on drinking his
coffee.

"Maybe you should lay down for a while," said Alice. She put her hand across his
forehead.

"No, I'm fine. Really." He looked at them for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"Who's Kathy?" Alice asked.

"She's our daughter," he said, looking up at his wife.

"No,” she said patiently. “We only had one daughter."

Richard stared at her. "No," he said. "No, I have two...Maddy and Kathy. I
know Maddy's gone but that's no reason-"

"Maybe I should call the doctor." Alice started towards the phone.

"No, I'll...I'll show you." Richard got up and stumbled up the stairs. Josh and
Alice trailed behind. He knocked at the door.

"Kathy…Kathy?" He pushed it open.

Shelves filled with dusty books covered three walls of the library. A mahogany
desk with a reading light was positioned beside the door. A rust colored couch sat smugly
beneath the curtain drawn bay window. Thick brown carpet came up to meet his toes as
Richard turned about, his mouth hanging open. This was Kathy's room. There were
supposed to be posters of actors and boy bands covering the walls, with pink shag carpet
under foot and a four-poster bed by the window. Richards mind was trying to reason with
him. This is your library. It has always been your library. You must be mistaken. You
don't have another daughter. Only Maddy.

"Richard?"

"I'm sorry, Alice." He noticed he was shaking. "Perhaps I will go lay down for a
bit."

She nodded and turned to Josh. "Come on. Your breakfast's getting cold."

As Richard walked though the hallway to his bedroom the photographs on the
wall caught his eye: Alice and Richard on their honeymoon in Madrid, sitting at an
outdoor cafe, sipping wine and holding hands; Josh in his soccer uniform, posing and
grinning with the rest of his team, suntanned and freckled; Maddy, sweet Maddy, playing
her cello at her first recital, looking so alone on the spot lit stage. Beside it, where the
photo of Kathy playing lacrosse had been, was a picture of Richard teaching Maddy and
Josh to play the piano. He clutched his head, tottered back to his room and slid under the
covers.

A car horn startled Richard from his nap.

"Josh!" Alice's voice called from downstairs. "Mark's here! Get your things!"

Josh poked his head into the room.

"Dad, have you seen my cleats?"

"In the living room under the piano, if I had to guess."

"Thanks." He turned to leave.

"Hey, Josh?" Richard sat up.

"Yea, dad?"

Richard swung out of bed. "Come here a minute." He hugged his son and tosseled
his hair. "I'll see you tonight?"

"I should be home for dinner," he said as he went through the bedroom door. He
looked in again. "Love you, dad."

"Love you too. Have fun," he called as Josh thundered down the stairs and out
into the driveway.

Alice opened the bedroom door with her shoulder, tea tray in her hands.

"I thought you might like something to eat since you missed lunch."

"Thanks, Love." Richard sat up and piled pillows behind him.

She set the tray on the bed and sat beside her husband. "Are you feeling better?"
she asked.

"Dunno." He shook his head. "Everything seems foggy. I mean, I know that the
library's been there since before we had Josh, but..." Alice waited. After a while he said,
"It's hard to explain. I have this feeling like things should be different than they are. Not
like Maddy not dying..." He stopped again and sipped some of the tea Alice had brought.
"It's like knowing something for a fact, taking it for granted... and then you wake up one
day and find it's not true…and it never was."

Alice nodded. " I wish I knew how to help you," she said. "If you like, I can call
the doctor. Or maybe there's someone else you can talk to." He shook his head.

"No. That's all right. I think I'm doing a lot better now."

"Do you think you'll be alright to see the Morris's from next door? They're
supposed to be here in an hour to see how we're holding up."

"Oh, that's right. Let me get dressed."

She put her hand on his. "If you're not up to it, I can make some excuse for you."

"No, no” He smiled and got out of bed. “I’ll be fine.”

 

Richard was playing the piano when the doorbell rang. Mr. and Mrs. Morris's
plastered smiles greeted him as he let them in.

"Here you are, Richard," said Mrs. Morris, handing him a bouquet. "These are for
you and Alice.”

"Thanks, Tiff. Rob." Richard smiled at them. "Let me get a vase from the dining
room. Won't take a moment. Alice has coffee and cake in the kitchen." Richard selected a
crystal vase from the china hutch and went to the kitchen where Alice was pouring
coffee. He arranged the flowers on the counter next to the others, then sat next to Rob
and took a cup for himself.

"So," said Richard "How are Tom and Jess?"

"Oh, they're fine," said Tiffany.

"Jess just made captain of his football team," Rob said. "Best boy they have out
there," he added, then looked down shyly into his coffee.

"Right. Well, that's great, Rob," Alice said as she sat down beside her husband.

"Congratulations!" Richard said brightly. "Wish him luck for us."

"Oh, thanks," Jack said, looking up. "We will." He scratched the end of his nose
and said, "So, um, how's Josh getting on?"

"He's doing wonderfully," said Alice. "He's off at soccer practice right now." She
sipped her coffee. "He's made a lot of friends in the team this year. He seems to be
enjoying himself. Doing better than we are, at any rate." She smiled at them.

"Such a tragedy," said Tiffany, shaking her head, "You know...if you need
anything..." She patted Alice's arm.

"Thanks, Tiff," she whispered.

Richard cleared his throat and poured Rob another cup. They all shifted in the
silence. After a few moments he said, "We were thinking of taking Josh to the Aquarium
next weekend. If Tom and Jess want to come along, they're more than welcome."

"Josh?" Tiffany said.

"Yes, Josh." They looked at him, their eyebrows raised. Alice was looking at a
spot somewhere inside her coffee cup. He clenched his fists under the table. "He and
Tom play stick ball in the lot across the street. Josh, who's at soccer practice and due
home any minute. Josh. Our Josh!" The Morris's looked to Alice. She shrugged and
shook her head.

"He's not been feeling well." She touched Richards arm "He said we had another
daughter this morning and-"

"And Josh was right there!" He turned to her. "You told him to go downstairs to
eat his breakfast," he said, "before it got cold." He stood up, knocking the chair over as
he did. "He asked me where his cleats where before he left." He turned back to the
Morris's. "He's always leaving them under the piano..."

"Richard!" Rob said, standing.

"We were just talking about him, for Christ's sake!" He rushed from the kitchen,
up the stairs and flung open the door to Josh's room.

There was a bed, but it was spread with a deep red comforter instead of Josh's
Super-hero blanket. His soccer gear was gone from the corner as were his shelves of
comic books. The floor was clear of underwear and dirty socks, and a floral boarder
toped the walls. Richard slumped to the floor of his guest room.

"What's going on?" He whispered. He drew a deep breath. "What the hell is going
on?"

"Richard?" Rob stood at the top of the stairs. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know, Rob, I really don't," he said quietly. This is you guestroom. Alice
picked out the curtains. You hated them. Your mother stayed in this room last year for
Maddy's fifth birthday party. This has always been your guestroom.
Richard cradled his face in his hands. "Everything's so confused," he
mumbled. "I feel like my whole life is coming unraveled. It's just fading away." He
shook his head and got to his feet, wiping at his wet face. He stumbled down the stairs,
hand on the banister that Josh slid down every morning. Tiffany watched him with round
eyes as he walked past her and into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway.

"Where's Alice?"

The Morris's, glancing at each other, shook their heads. Richard turned around
and looked from Rob on the landing to Tiffany in the entry hall. They were watching him
with polite expressions. He looked back to the kitchen, then ran up the stairs and down
the empty hallway.

"Alice?!"

His room was a mess. The bed was spread with a plain, blue comforter and had
several visible holes. It hadn't been made. Alice's robe was gone from the bathroom hook
while his own robe lay in a heap beside the bed. Her small library had been replaced with
a stereo and Richard's books on gardening.

Rob appeared at the door behind him. "Richard..." Richard rushed up to him,
grabbing him by his collar.

"Where is she?" His nose was inches from Rob’s face.

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"My. Wife," he growled.

"But you're not married..."

"Out!" He let Rob go. "Get out." Rob just stared at him. "Now!" He slammed the
door as Rob backed out, and listened until he was sure they had gone. Then, all alone, he
cried.

The house was dark and grey. Richard sat hidden in the shadows underneath the
grand piano, hugging his knees. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he had a
family. Somewhere he had been happy. He thought of Maddy on stage at her recital,
looking so alone. Suddenly, he began to feel the slip, the unraveling of everything that
made him and kept him in the world. He drew a deep breath. His voice echoed inside the
sound box, giving it an eerie harmony. It bounced through the hallway, through the
library, through the guestroom and into Maddy's room. Outside the crickets sang to the
sounds of screaming.

The morning was bright and clear, promising a warm summer day ahead. Robert
Morris was watering his front lawn while watching his boys play stickball in the lot next
to the house. For an instant, something tickled the back of his mind, something about a
little girl. But then it was gone. He shook his head and looked over to the lot next door
where violets were growing wild. There was a pitch and a hit by one of the neighborhood
boys. It went high. His youngest son, Jess, ran into the street after the foul ball.

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