"You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same!"

"Everyone's entitled to be stupid!"

"Like what you see? Call 1-800-You-Wish!"

"If we can put a man on the moon ... why can't we put them all there?"

//sly

“I’d rather be who I am, not accepted…then who you want me to be.”

"Tact is for those not witty enough to use sarcasm."

“When you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, then slander, curse, and abuse them without mercy.”

"Forever sealed in the past, all I am to the present is a ghost, and to the future I am only a myth."

"Life is like an incessant series of problems, all difficult, with brutal choices, and a time limit. The worst thing you can do is to make no choice, waiting for the ideal conclusion to present itself."

“I'm sorry, your insignificance made it hard for me to pay attention to you.”

"Sometimes we build walls not to block out people but to see who cares enough to knock them down."

"Don't follow my footsteps.....I run into walls."

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!"

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it, be brave, live...for me," ~Buffy

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“And your life is filled with so much confusion until happiness is just an illusion.”

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will drive you insane!”

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words" *Snorts*

"Chaos, panic, and disorder…my work here is done."

"A friend would bail you out of jail. A good friend would be sitting in jail with you saying, "Man that was fun, wanna' do it again?"

“It is better to be hated for what you are, then loved for what you’re not.”

“Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.”

“Only in America....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.”

“Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?”

“Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?”

“If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?”

“If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?”

“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”

“We’re not fleeing; we’re advancing in another direction.”

"Light and dark are intertwined; therefore, neither light nor dark may exist without the other, creating chaos."

"You thought I was just a spark, something you could control to lighten the dark. I am the flame that ignites the inferno."

"Truth is not always in a well…"

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?"

"It's better to die fighting for freedom than to live life in chains."

“Lost in a dream; stuck in reality.”

"Holy men tell us life is a mystery. They embrace that concept happily. But some mysteries bite and bark, And come for you in the dark"

"Darkness devours every shining day. Darkness demands and always has its way. Darkness listens, watches, waits. Darkness claims the day and celebrates. Sometimes in silence darkness comes. Sometimes with a gleeful banging of drums."

"Life is a gift that must be given back, and joy should arrive from its possession. It's too damn short, and that's a fact. Hard to accept, this earthly procession to final darkness is a journey done, circle completed, work of art sublime, a sweet melodic rhyme, a battle won."

"Evil is no faceless stranger living in a distant neighborhood. Evil has a wholesome, hometown face with merry eyes and an open smile. Evil walks among us, wearing a mask which looks like all our faces."

"In the real world, as in dreams, nothing is quite what it seems."

"Night has patterns that can be read less by the living than by the dead."

"Life without meaning cannot be borne. We find a mission to which we're sworn - or answer the call of Death's dark horn. Without a gleaning of purpose in life we have no vision, we live in strife - or let blood fall on a suicide knife."

"Numberless paths of night wind away from twilight."

"Who was the fool, who the wise man, beggar or king? Whether poor or rich, all's the same in death."

"It’s a terrible thing when a beautiful theory is murdered by a gang of ugly facts."

"I would love to engage you in a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed."

"One day we will look back on this, laugh uneasily, and change the subject."

"If life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in your enemy’s eyes."

"Just let me get my bazooka and I’ll be glad to do business with you…I mean…Hey! Where are you going?"

"If your parents didn’t have children, chances are neither will you."

"Never interrupt your enemy while he’s making a mistake."

"He who laughs last didn’t get it."

"People think I’m cruel, but I have the heart of a young child…In a jar on my desk."

"I am the rightful heir to the flaming global throne of evil! I WILL TAKE THIS WORLD AS MINE!! So if you people just cooperated it would be very nice."

"Don’t do anything you’d rather not explain to the paramedics."

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come home, set them on fire."

"I’m not shy, I’m analyzing my prey."

"If I got smart with you, how would you know?"

"Either I will find a way or I will make one."

"Don’t meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"I can’t tell if you’re brave or just incredibly stupid."

"God grant me patience and grant it to me right now."

"I will live forever or die in the attempt!"

"I have always been on the side of heretics against those who burned them, because the heretics often turned out to be right. Dead, but right."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"People who devise fool-proof plans underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes."

"Be sensible. If I was lying, wouldn’t my pants be on fire?"

"How do you know what you don’t need to know until you know it?"

"No trespassing: Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."

"Even if the voices aren’t real they sure have some good ideas."

"If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth."

"If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"A friend will lie for you. But a good friend will help you hide the bodies."

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

"Peace and trust take years to build, and seconds to shatter."

"The walls we build around us keep us from all the sadness in life, but also keep us from all the joy. "

"It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven."

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

"One hundred victories in one hundred battles is not skillful. Subduing the other's military without battle is skillful."

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

"Trust hurts, Betrayal kills."

"Believe in yourself and create your own destiny. Don't fear fate."

"For me, the world consists of the people I love. If those people are not here, its as if the world does not exist."

"If life punches you, punch it back. if it kicks you, kick it back. If it throws you headfirst into some thorns- -that's life"

"Beware damaged people, for they are dangerous because they know they can survive."

“Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comforted.”

“All stressed out and no one to choke.”

“Opportunity only knocks once. Temptation leans on the doorbell.”

“Reality is nice, but I wouldn’t want to live there.”

“I think; therefore I’m dangerous.”

"When I can't sleep, I count the number of buckles on my straight jacket."

"Nothing is stronger than the bond of two friends, no matter what shape they may be in."

"Pain hurts doesn't it? Well so does life. Live to learn; learn to live."

"I’m not miserable but I’m not happy. I’m not strong but I’m not weak. I’m not rude but I’m not polite. I’m not popular but I don’t care. I’m not sexy but I’m not horrid. I’m not dumb but I’m no genius. I am girly but I’m also tough. I’m not you but I AM ME. Accept it."

“Never fear the demons of your nightmares; those of reality are far worse.”

“Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.”

Two Wolves:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

“Mean what you say and say what you mean. Because opportunities are gone in a heartbeat…but regret lasts a lifetime.”

“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. So when you think you’re hurting me, you’re just helping me last longer.”

“It’s all about who was there, who didn’t desert me, about who really cared, and who didn’t hurt me. So I guess it’s all about no one…except maybe my dog.”

“All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.”

“Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.”

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.”

“If you don’t like my driving stay off the sidewalk.”

“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”

"There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!"

"Death is instant, Pain will end, glory is forever."

"The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate."

“Only after the last tree has been cut down, only after the last river has been poisoned, only after the last fish has been caught, only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten.”

“I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends...I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my best friends.”

“I can see a world without war. I can see a world without hate. I can also see us attacking that world, because they would never see it coming.”

“Some people are demanding more proof before they’ll consider Iraq a serious threat. France, for instance, wants more evidence. I’m thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence, they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.”

"He who is most creative conceals his best source.”

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."

What runs but never walks, has a mouth but cannot talk, has a head but doesn't think and has a bed but refuses to sleep? : A river

Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it? : a coffin

What is broken as soon as it is spoken? : silence

Can you think of a crime that is punishable if attempted but not punishable is actually committed? : suicide

“The person kills, not the gun.”

“With tears of blood he cleansed the hand, the hand that held the steel. For only blood can wipe out blood, and only tears can heal.”

'Nothing to see here, just flossing the teeth from the devouring of your children.'

“I am become death; a shatterer of worlds. Love me, hate me, despise me, run from me, for the lord of death. . .cannot know fear.”

"Those who have crossed With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost Violent souls, but only As the hollow men"

"But what's real? You can't find the truth, you just pick the lie you like the best."

"This is the culture you're raising your kids in. Don't be surprised if it blows up in your face."

"Once again I decide to chime in. In life we see shadows and monsters of all sorts. How we deal with them is our choice. But to let them kill you, to lay down and let them win, that is the beginning of the end. But if you fight them and at least try to win, then one day you may be rewarded for the slings and arrows you have suffered."

"Do not gaze into the abyss for too long, or the abyss gazes back into you."

"The one who takes your hand but touches your heart is a true friend."

"The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny hits you."

"Don’t use too much effort, the best things happen when you least expect them."

"Most see you as you seem, few know how you are."

"Don’t cry because it’s over, laugh because it happened."

"The most difficult lesson to learn is: which bridges in life to use and which to break off."

"Plan for tomorrow but LIVE for today."

"Love doesn’t require two people to look at each other, but that they look together in the same direction."

“I wish you always: air to breathe, fire to warm you, water to drink, and the earth to live in.”

“Life without friendship is like the sky without the sun.”

“It’s me and you against the world. We attack at dawn.”

“Some are born to greatness. Others achieve greatness. And some have greatness thrust upon them.”

“We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.”

“Don’t fear going slowly, fear standing still.”

“You ought not refuse to eat just because there is a chance of choking.”

“Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.”

“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.”

“333. I’m only half-evil.” *Snorts*

“Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.”

"Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate." [AND Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream---*drools*]

"I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?"

"Talk only if you can improve on the silence."

"Never settle with words what you can settle with a flame thrower."

"I'd rather be a failure at something I love, than a success at something I hate."

"Touch me with that hand and I'll remove it."

"When someone pushes you down, get right back up and push them back."

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...than it's hilarious."

“Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.”

“People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.”

“Time is the best teacher: Unfortunately it kills all its students.”

“If you can’t understand my silence, then you’ll never understand my words.”

"Aim for the moon...should you miss you will always land amongst the stars."

"I am nobody... nobody is perfect... I must be perfect then…"

“I’m going to smile like nothing’s wrong, talk like everything’s perfect, act like it’s all a dream, and pretend that it’s not hurting me.”

“True love does not come by finding the perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

“Do not fear death, for it is only the beginning, so follow me into the darkness, for I will be your guiding light into the abyss of the deceased, and you will be safe."

"Your imagination is the one thing nobody can take away from you, no matter what else one may try to take away. Within your mind, you are temporarily free from the rest of the world."

"I've stopped listening. Why haven't you stopped talking?"

"Top Ten Reasons to procrastinate: 1-" *Chuckles*

"National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support." *Shakes head*

"If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?"

"If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?"

"Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?"

"What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?"

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." [I LOVE this one!]

“A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. A woman's gotta do what he can't.”

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."

"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry."

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

"I'm not fluent in Idiot, so please speak very slowly to me.”

"92% of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. I would be with the other 8% laughing my ass off!!"

"Don't be afraid of darkness; be afraid of what it hides."

"EVIL is just a way to LIVE backwards."

“You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.”

"A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him."

“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”

“The price of power is giving up your innocence.”

“Insanity is just a label the weak have made to keep the true geniuses from taking their rightful place in the world.”

“You haven’t lived until you’ve found someone worth dying for.”

“War doesn’t determine who is right; it determines who is left.”

“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go.”

“I shall always remember that my weaknesses are to be revealed on a need-to-know basis. I shall also remember that no one needs to know.”

“A good friend still thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you are slightly cracked.”

“A friend comforts you when you are down, supports you when you struggle, and celebrates when you succeed. But a best friend feels pain when you are hurt and holds you when you cry together, walks with you every step as you struggle, and rejoices with you at every success.”

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't."

“Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.”

"Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative."



“Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes.”

“Everyone says that time heals all wounds, but all time does is turn them into scars.”

“Pain is your friend, your ally. It will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job. But you know the best thing about pain…it lets you know you’re not dead yet.”

“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”

“Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

“If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.”

“The words that escape a friend's mouth are ‘I'll be there when you say you need me’ but the words that are unheard from a true friend's heart are ‘I'll be there...whether you say you need me or not.’”

“Never be afraid to try. Remember...Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

“Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.”

“God made Man before Woman because you always make the rough draft before the final masterpiece.”

“Promises mean everything, but after they are broken, sorry means nothing.”

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...its learning to dance in the rain.”

“Take life with a grain of salt.....a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.”

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!"

"There’s an unknown pandemic that’s already engulfed the entire world. It’s caused massive devastation over years, its killed billions and it tears us apart every day, it will be the end of this planet. That plague, is called humanity."

“My Karma ran over your dogma.”

“Sometimes I think the surest sign of other intelligent life is that they don't contact us.”

“Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that!”

Murphy's Law: If something can go wrong it will go wrong, unless I really like you and make an exception. In which case, let the rest of the world run screaming, don't worry - you'll be fine.

"There are things that go bump in the night. We are the ones that bump back."

“How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?”

“Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.”