The President:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound,
Is more powerful than a locomotive,
Is faster than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water,
Gives policy to God.
The Vice-President for Academic Affairs:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound,
Is more powerful than a switch engine,
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
Walks on water if the sea is calm,
Talks with God.
Professor:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds,
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine,
Can fire a speeding bullet,
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool,
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Associate Professor:
Barely clears a Quonset hut,
Loses tug of war with locomotive,
Misfires frequently,
Swims well,
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Assistant Professor:
Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings,
Is run over by locomotives,
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury,
Dog paddles,
Talks to animals.
Graduate Student:
Runs into buildings,
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times,
Is not issued ammunition,
Can stay afloat with a life jacket,
Talks to walls.
Undergraduate and Work Study Student:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings,
Says, "Look a the choo-choo,"
Wets himself with a water pistol,
Plays in mud puddles,
Mumbles to himself.
Department Secretary:
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them,
Kicks locomotives off the tracks,
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them,
Freezes water with a single glance,
Is God.
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