Lori's Lair: Igor Bars

Igor Bars

Or: The Year of Eating Dangerously
by John Kovalic and Lori Ann Curley

Serves 1-18 (one gamer or 18 normals, modified from the original recipe)

"I just made them to bring into the office. They are evil -- you must make them. The recipe says it makes 8 bars. It is best consumed in small squares. Be warned." --Formica Salt from the Army of Dorkness e-mail list.

The picture is a cross-section of Lori's first attempt at Igor Bars (Gen Con 2002):

Ingredients:

chocolate chip cookie dough (from recipe on bag of chocolate chips or purchase pre-fab dough that comes in a tube)
peanuts, 1.5 cups
caramels, 100
milk, 3 teaspoons
semi-sweet chocolate chips, 16 oz. (Lori uses mint chocolate chips for extra decadence)
Rice Krispies, 6 cups
marshmallows, 10 oz. (or one very large jar of marshmallow creme)
margarine (eliminate if using marshmallow creme)
M&Ms, any variety
toffee chips or bars
anything else you think is excessive, for example:

maraschino cherries
chocolate covered expresso beans
Andes mints
frosting
decorations

You will also need:

a foil pan, lasagna size or larger
cooking spray, margarine or butter to grease the pan
wax paper or parchment
a double boiler or a microwave
a guillotine (optional)
insulin (optional)

The Igor Bar recipe gives you the basics, but after a year of Igor Bar bake-offs (held at many conventions around the US and UK), here are some transcriptions and notes garnered from experience:

Make sure the pan is well-greased and that it's lined with wax paper or parchment.
Any chocolate chip bag has the recipe on it. You just need to make sure that they're chewy and not too dry when they're done. (Lori uses pre-fab cookie dough that comes in a tube.) John stresses that Igor Bars are designed to be chewy and moist.
Before you pour the caramel over the pan-style cookie base, scatter a cup and a half of peanuts over it. The saltiness of the peanuts works well to counterpoint the sweetness of, frankly, everything else in the Igor Bars.
While your cookies are cooling, start preparing the caramel. You'll need about a hundred chunks and a double boiler. Remember to add three teaspoons of milk to them as they melt, or they'll crystallize when they cool. Again, this is supposed to be a soft, chewy layer.
The caramel acts as the glue holding the cookie base to the Rice Krispies Treat topping. Use a full recipe (about six cups of Rice Krispies). And press onto the caramel. Then melt 16 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate using the double boiler, and spoon over the bars. Top this with peanut M&Ms, toffee, or anything else you think is excessive.
Let cool for half an hour, slice, and you get Igor Bars.
Lori's Microwave note: For those who have a microwave and no double boiler, I recommend using the former instead of the latter. Just put whatever you're melting into a microwave-safe bowl, put the microwave on half power (remember, the manual will tell you how to do this), and melt for 30-60 seconds at a time. Take the bowl out and stir between melting sessions. Repeat until you have the desired consistency.
More hints from the Army of Dorkness can be found at the bottom of the page.

Rice Krispies Treats recipe:

Ingredients:
margarine, 3 tablespoons
regular sized marshmallows, 10 oz
Rice Krispies, 6 cups

Instructions:
melt margarine and marshmallows over low heat til completely melted
remove from heat
stir in cereal until well coated

Brian (The World's Best Husband) Curley's short-cut for Rice Krispies Treats:
Purchase a (large) jar of marshmallow creme in lieu of margarine and marshmallows; mix with cereal; microwave as needed to melt; spread in pan

Igor Bars Close Up

Igor Bars Contest Winner: Dorkstock 2002

Hints from the Army of Dorkness:
    I used a 10" x 15" jellyroll pan like it said in the back of the Nestle chocolate chip package, and I made the cookie base from scratch just using the directions on the back of the Nestle chip package. With the Rice Crispy Treats I also used the recipe from the back of the box. All together
they ended up being taller than the sides of the jellyroll pan but it wasn't a problem. The wax-paper lining the pan is important to getting the whole thing out of the pan so they can be cut. And they are very heavy. I couldn't believe how much they weighed.
    My double boiler was ready before it dawned on me that I would have to unwrap all those caramels. Better yet get an assistant to do that grunt work for you. Rinsing with *very* hot water works best at dissolving the sugary and fatty ingredients stuck to the pan if you have good water pressure or a sprayer hose for the sink. I had to wash my double boiler after the caramels so I could melt the chocolate. Igor bars dirty a lot of pans.
    I used a non-stick pan sprayed with cooking spray, lined with waxed paper which I sprayed with cooking spray. The whole heavy mass of bars lifted right out by lifting the waxed paper (which is good because it would have ruined my nonstick pan to cut them if they stayed in the pan).
    Those suckers are dense. I'm about ready to make them again. They were daunting at first and I can't eat more than 2 at a time but I've begun to crave them.
If you have any more questions feel free to ask.
-Aileen E. Miles

    If you would like your Rice Krispie top to be chewey, I would suggest only melting the marshmallows half way. Having worked in a buffet style restaurant for 8 years, I find this to be the most appealing method to please the customers with a gooey, ooey dessert treat.
-Mark, Semi-professional chef of steak, chiiiicken and anything with sugar ;)

1. Use cookie dough that comes in a tube. You're going to be doing a lot of cooking, so any shortcuts you can take are good.
2. Sit down while unwrapping the caramels. My feet aren't supposed to hurt that bad until after Gen Con.
3. To save money: don't buy big bags of peanut M&Ms or toffee chips. I just bought two individual bags of peanut M&Ms and two Heath Bars. The latter I chopped in my chopper.
4. Have an empty sink ready and start soaking the pans you use for cooking right away, especially for melting things like caramels, marshmallows, and chocolates.
5. Do use the microwave for melting; it's faster, cooler, and easier to keep control of how much melting is done.
6. Just buy a deep foil pan at the store. Trust me, you don't want to attempt washing any pan used for Igor Bars.
7. Use a big and heavy knife for cutting. A guillotine would work best.
8. Have handi-wipes and insulin ready when eating Igor Bars.
Good luck,
-Lori

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