i often wonder, how many people experience the same sense of yearning that i go through from time to time, the yearning for someone who will be there always, regardless of what happens… yearning for someone to go through everything together with…

but who would be that someone?

in my wildest dreams, in my sweetest dreams, that someone would be there, not taking any tangible forms, but floating around, almost levitating, as someone, for me to sneak a look at, yet not see…

the edges around that shape get less blur, i can make out her outline now… still i do not know whether she is here in my life yet, whether she has already stepped into my life. has she, or hasn't she?

i wish, for someone to answer that question, to step into my life. someone for me to take care of, to devote my time to, my undivided attention.

"she reclines into my arms, my chin on her head, my arms around her… we talk, and talk… that familiar sense of closeness…"

familiar, yet unfamiliar. i feel as if i've felt that way before, but have i? i really don't know. that sense of yearning pervades again… the yearning for that person to cuddle into my arms, for me to cradle, and just spend time with, without care of what the world thinks. still, that someone hasn't given even the slightest hint of who she is… yet. when would she surface above the rest of the crowd… the masses of grey that seem to merge into one another?

"i realise the word that represents all this… the most overused, yet undervalued word… love…"

love, not that of family, not that of friends, but of the most intimate kind. the kind that bonds two people together. perhaps i'm still too young, perhaps too inexperienced, but i have this wish… that the first such someone i find, would be the last. is that why it is that hard to find that someone? i have told friends before that should my wife pass on earlier than i should, i would never remarry, no matter what age i am, yet i'm scoffed at. "who would do such a thing?" said they. unconditioned love. that's what i would shower on her.

they always say, true love is selfish. who am i to argue with that? no… i would not say for sure whether i would be selfish or not, but i would definitely not be possessive. "if you love someone, set her free… if she comes back to you, she is meant to be yours…" i would never require her to reciprocate whatever i do for her… i think i have spent my entire adolescent years searching for her, yet i still don’t even see the slightest shadow of her, except perhaps in my sweetest dreams. could it be? could it be that i would never find that someone… never ever?

"i hope…"

i remain hopeful, hopeful for that ray of light to pass through this thick fog of uncertainty, to bring some brightness into my life. that ray of light can come tomorrow, next month, next year, or in ten years' time. but it must come. or i shall spend my life yearning, letting my hopes fade with time…

2249 hrs 13072000 gmt +8