think it’s starting to work. the constant deliberate
putting her out of my mind. I think of her less and less these days. and though the pain still cuts as sharply it did on that
day, the frequency of that pain is less now. it’s a
real tiring effort, this deliberate mental psyching. takes
mental effort to just force her image out of my mind. to
deliberately cast off all thoughts of her, the moment they come. and that is damn
frequent.
the surroundings still remind me of her. the
places we’ve been together. the mental video player replays
the images of the two of us at those places. then I tell
myself to press the record button. to erase whatever
there is on that tape. it still insists on staying
where it was, but I tell myself it’s no longer there.
however much I’ve managed to distance and try to get her out of my mind, I know
that all these will come to naught the moment I see her again. not to say that I don’t want to see her at all. in fact I really yearn to. I’ve repeated this so many times
like a broken tape recorder, but I’ll say this again. I really want to remain
as good friends. but that possibility seems
increasingly distant with every passing day that we don’t keep in contact.
reading again what I’ve written, I realised it sounds eerily like a breakup. let me categorically
state here that there is nothing further from the truth – we weren’t together
in the first place. she merely told me it’s impossible
between us, and that’s it.
hey. I just realised I therefore have no right to feel sad or dejected or whatever(!) at all. it’s not like I
lost anything.
but I fear I’ve lost a friend. I don’t know.
but I must say I really feel better now. the
mental psyching’s working.
因为太了解 所以很伤心 没有你只好听着风的呼吸
却有种叫做时间的东西 说没问题 最后我们会痊愈
hope it’s true.
dejectium out
28
may 2003
0403
hrs gmt +8
oh, and by the way, all the best to dejectium
for his results! =p