He
had come to the sad realization that he was pushing her to her limits.
Time
and again, Jen had been trying to drop him hints, that
he wasn’t giving her enough space to breathe. She wanted her own share of
freedom. True, she enjoyed being with him, being loved by him, and all the
companionship that he offered. Yet there were occasions that she felt she had
to be by herself, or with her own friends. She’d dropped him hints to back off
just that little, and it now seemed to her that those hints didn’t work.
She
felt the panic rise up deep within her. This was an occasion she didn’t want to
face. At least not yet. They had been together for
four long years, and the love between them was still as strong as it was the
first day. They had come to realise each other’s little quirks – how terrified
she was of lizards, and how much he couldn’t stand people who coughed out loud
in public. They had shared four years of their lives as one. Yet it might all
just come to an end soon. And Jen wasn’t sure she was ready to face it.
Tong
looked up, his eyes starting to glisten. They’d agreed to meet after a week of
non-contact. A meeting to thrash things out. To settle things once and for all. The lights of
There
was uncertainty in Tong’s eyes too. As he spoke, his voice broke.
“Do
we really have to come to this stage?”
“I
don’t know. You’re the one who’s pushing me…” Jen’s unsure voice trailed off.
“I’m
not. I’m still the way I’ve always been. My feelings for you have never changed
all these years,” Tong interrupted.
“It’s
not a question about love or what. It’s the tolerance, the restriction, that
strong jealousy within you that so suffocated me…” Jen was getting close to
tears.
“But
doesn’t that show how much I care for you? How much I love you?” Tong’s voice
started to rise.
He
saw that that didn’t have much of an effect on her.
His
voice lowered, he implored, “Jen, jen, please do give
me another chance.”
“I’ve
given you so many chances, but have you ever taken any of them seriously?”
“No,
no. Just tell me, do you love me?”
“Yes,
but…”
“What
else is there to but about? As long as we still love each other, there’s no
reason why we shouldn’t continue as we were. Happily.”
Tong was getting desperate. He sensed that Jen, this time, was serious. He
could see the pain within her, as she mustered up her next words.
“We
should go our separate ways. There’s no point carrying on.”
He’d
somehow been expecting her to say those words, but the impact of those words
still hit him like a ton of bricks. His previous machismo absolutely
disappeared.
Breaking
down, he mumbled in between tears, “No, there’s still a way we can carry on.
See, we’ve had our arguments over the years, but everytime
things have ……” His voice trailed off, unable to continue.
“There’s
no use talking about all these now. I’ve made up my mind, and…” Jen couldn’t go
on too, bursting into tears.
Sniffing,
Jen went on, “Tong, I really love you, but I guess all this has to end sometime.”
“Must
it be now?” Tong asked hoarsely.
“I’m
afraid so, Tong, I’m afraid so.”
“Don’t
wait for me anymore. I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t think I’m changing it
any time.” Jen’s heart broke as she uttered those words, which had reduced the
usually-composed Tong to streaks of tears.
Tong was unable to talk, sobbing softly to himself. He looked up once again. The
lights of
“I’m
sorry Tong.”
dejectium out
0336 hrs gmt +8
11 august 2003