tekong on thursday
it was supposed to be a grand attack on pulau
tekong, taking assault boats and doing saving private ryan style attacks on the
beach.
damn the infected toe.
sustained a cut on my toe during the new year that
became infected after survival training. that was another enlightening
experience altogether. no time to write about that now.
right now I’m in a shed in tekong, guarding
ammunition, wearing slippers and fatigues instead of battle order. hate the feeling
of not being able to help in the assault, especially when it looks like it’s
not gonna be the usual boring stuff. now I have to wait in this shed for a few
more hours, giving out ammo and stuff.
lunch’s here. better go.
10 january
2002
1305 hrs
gmt +8
back from lunch. still as bored, despite chatting for a while with a similarly decapacitated wingmate. still have got about 4 hours before the real action starts, even though the assault boats have already arrived. still as pissed that I can’t join the action later in the night. can’t look forward to the weekend – it doesn’t exist. gotta book in for exercise on saturday nite – saturday night for goodness’ sake!
thinking of my friends posted to tekong as instructors. envying their freedom and fun now; if only I can meet them, then maybe these 4 hours won’t be as boring. feel like going back to visit my company, but obviously I don’t have the freedom to do that. so I’m still stuck here in this training shed scribbling into this little black notebook that’ll probably disappear once it rains. so it’d better not rain.
actually, thinking again, what’s there to be depressed about this year? I’m commissioning this year, I’m studying this year… this year promises to be real great fun. well, at least after the Brunei trip. 13 days of hunder and fatigue. sort of mentally prepared myself already. must get the badge no matter what. jungle confidence course. I shall conquer it. then only shall I think about my loneliness after that.
going to be an officer. so what? failure. can’t win the heart of a lady after 4 years ++. people are bringing their steadies home to meet their parents already and I’m still facing males every single day of the week. shit life. thank god it ends 060402. hopefully.
gonna make this an extra long entry since I’ve got so much time. the toe’s still swollen, pressing it still hurts. I really hope it recovers fast enough for me to rejoin the action. and then 3 months more… for extreme delight. somehow I’m worried I’ll break down and cry on that day. cry like a baby. to achieve something I never thought I could, over 10 long harsh mothers. to make my parents and grandparents proud of me. to do some good in my life. to resume control over my own life and not let someone else do it. guess I’ll have to take it as it comes. and I also guess it’ll be 3 long months to go, especially those 13 days in Brunei. gonna leave on the 20th this month, definitely won’t be bringing back any presents this time round cos I think there’s absolutely nothing to buy there. come back, enjoy my first off days – 10 days – during CNY, then resume my shit life. all the while missing someone in my life.
missing someone important.
missing her.
10 january 2002
1517 hrs gmt +8
jln selabin
p. tekong