suspension of
disbelief: a phrase used by
Samuel Taylor Coleridge in his Biographia Literaria
(1817) to point out that readers will, in
the interest of what Coleridge called
“poetic faith,” forego the temptation to doubt the veracity or likelihood of
what is expressed in a literary work, or any modern form of media
when applied in today’s world. Definition
from
that’s a darn useful skill that we all have. and that’s what makes us believe in things like fairy tales,
animal fables, movies, soap operas, channel 8 melodramas and the like. after watching this channel 8 tv
show about children grappling with disease, I guess I have a fairly
well-developed suspension of disbelief. and it’s a
rather self-convinced one. told myself I’m going to
enjoy the show, and therefore I will forego all reality just for that hour to
let myself into the show. and boy. this
suspension of disbelief nearly brought me to tears numerous times. just seven episodes into the show, and I’m brought near to
tears for, I guess, four or five times.
and weirdly, I realised something in
me after several such situations. I don’t get moved by corny stuff like titanic or other unrequited love
stories. the first time I ever felt like crying in the
movies was Armageddon, then E.T., and no more after that. musicals was Chang and
on another note, the high after the release of results has
somewhat subsided. think I shan’t mention them
anymore. will just say I’m satisfied, to avoid any
insensitivity, especially since I find people not doing as well as they desire
all around me. don’t know what to offer, except to
tell them, work harder next semester, you’ll
reap your rewards then.
on the back of these results, and other things that have
happened recently, and with the interest to leave this place temporarily, I’ve
decided I’ll try for some overseas exchange, hopefully to catch up with friends
based overseas now, and to take a break from the pace of life here. application doesn’t start till january
next year, but I’m quietly confident that I should be able to secure a place. previously I was kind of apprehensive about leaving family
and friends behind, but I realised my friends would
still be here when I return. but still I worry about
the family. thankfully sis would have completed her
major exams then. wanna stay
to take care of grandma, but she’s getting along fine since her myocardial infarction, so I hope I can
stay out six months without a worry. will update more
when my application succeeds.
been on vacation for almost a month already, and I still haven’t
found a stable source of income. financially I foresee
many problems. and yet I don’t have the time to work
on a stable-income job. I don’t know if that’s a valid excuse. and now this band comes along knocking, tremendously
tempting me to play for their upcoming concert. what
with the herculean efforts required for my jazz band
admin, I don’t know if I can cope. friends have been
persuading me to play, but I don’t know how I can explain all the work I have
to put in for the jazz fest. meetings from
(and I’m not complaining that I’m not being paid!! it’s just
my responsibility. heh)
I’m
afraid all these will put a toll on my ability to spend time with friends and on
leisurely pursuits. but just have to see how things
go. hopefully I’ll wake up tomorrow morning with my
mind cleared, and a clear direction of where to go, as has always been the case
for times when I’ve seen things threatening to pile up on me, suffocating me. weird how these morning visions always set me free of all
fears. thanks to kwan yin, the goddess of mercy, I guess. (because
I share the same lunar birthday as her, I tend to believe I’m sort of blessed
by her. though she sort of cheats cos she has four
birthdays every lunar year! hehe… blasphemy. but in
this modern world I hope she understands humour… hehe.)
ok so I’m depending on you dear goddess. =p
not able to hit the books for release or escape. hope the school term starts again soon. heh sadomasochist.
dejectium out
30 may 2003
2327 hrs gmt +8