entry in the field. was
scribbling stuff into my notebook (yes we keep black notebooks in our
waterproofed bags that we carry everywhere with us while training)… decided to
write an entry and post it here…
talked to her last night for about 20 minutes. think it was the first time I talked as the real depressed me. somehow, I felt, maybe it’s time to change this feeling for her into something more, as they say, platonic. I see the potential for us to be great friends like what we are now. as she said, isn’t it nice the way we are now? she’s happily attached, and as a friend I shouldn’t attempt to change that, for her good.
maybe it’s time to let things be natural, and
no longer try to impress her, amuse her. I shall behave as I do to all the rest
of my friends, I guess. it’s great the way things are now, being able to call
each other and talk about pointless stuff. but the thought that she’s attached
lingers in the back of the mind, that it isn’t nice to get too close to her for
fear of disrupting their bliss. hopefully she doesn’t drift away like another
friend has…
but I can’t. can’t forget so easily, things of
four long years…
hai… can’t get into a stable trend of thought.
right now in a training shed in some live firing area, waiting for my
demolition live firing. too much time, yet too little time. ironic.
got to give her tuition this coming weekend.
time to be professional and platonic. time to put in effort to help her
achieve good grades. time to help friends.
but I can’t. can’t forget so easily, things of
four long years…
dejectium out
24 september
2001
0815 hrs GMT
+8