had a really bad dream last night.
dreamt that she was sick. those kind of hospital-sick
kind of sick. perhaps shadows of her previous
hospitalisation still hung over me. woke up feeling
damn worried, and somewhat anxious. didn’t know what
to make of it, but ended up realising I miss her a lot. for
what the hell, I don’t know.
perhaps it’s what dreams make us, but you ever had a bad dream and then kept
wondering if it was indeed true? I kept having this recurring niggling feeling
that she wasn’t ok. then I kept going around in
circles trying to find out if she was ok without directly contacting her. just to assure myself she was fine.
so sent her an sms, the first in many many days, asking her if she wanted to watch an sso concert together with a few other friends. thankfully she included a short update about her life in her
(negative) reply as well. so I found her hale and
hearty and fine.
and felt much more relaxed after that.
to think I woke up, then spent the next 8 hours or so struggling between
message-her, or not-message-her modes.
then went to katong to play games with friends,
and had the time of my life enjoying the game. perhaps
change of environment, change of people around, who didn’t remind me of her at
all throughout the whole time. just catching up with
old times and gaming and soccer and stuff. happy
night.
tomorrow will be the third instalment of tuition in as many days. and the last of this stretch. thankfully
the kid had a change of timetable, and he no longer required me to go down on wednesday. but unthankfully that
means no accelerated income. need a job. aargh. heh.
perhaps this blog can start degenerating into one which
complains lots and lots about financial woes and nothing else.
but that’ll bore everyone. including myself.
so I’d just stick to my usual genial social commentary and stuff. and hope my site statistics remain well. have
totally no freaking idea why the stats were so good for the period when I felt
so bad. sadistic viewers. heh.
but just like to thank all those who stood by me. including
the stranger who sent me an email. thanks lots too.
I’m better.
surviving. =p
dejectium out
20
may 2003
0025
hrs gmt +8