just wanted somewhere for me to vent my anonymous pent-up
frustrations, so this isn’t going to be coherent at all to anyone. and if it actually makes sense to you, this thing will
remain that – anonymous. thanks.
************
I
somehow got embroiled in a maelstrom of blame and accusations, admittedly due
to a personal screw-up. Apparently some miscommunication took place, and it was
my fault. (Lesson learnt: Never assume – Everyone loves to quote this, but who
actually adheres to it? Until now…)
I
stood up, admitted my errors, apologised, and thought I took my fair share of
the blame. Then somehow I was made to swallow more.
And
here I am to choke it all up. Things forced down can’t stay down forever.
First clarification: I will never skip practice just because I
don’t feel like going.
I hope I was told this just because I
was part of a group at which the message was directed. And I support that
clarification with the…
Second clarification: Because I never not
feel like going. I love playing there.
Third clarification: I always maintain personal responsibility
and inform as soon as possible if I will be absent or even five minutes late.
As I maintain, what took place on Friday was a
screw-up in communication and I take full responsibility for that. And that is
the only misdemeanour I think I have been guilty of ever since I started
playing there. I’d like to think that the flare-up in tempers and emotions is
only out of genuine concern for the band, and exacerbated by the fact that it
was a coincidental absence by so many people. I’d also prefer to be spoken to
as an adult, in even tempered voices; but emotions are that,
and I understand the probable rush of blood.
I
want to hold on to the belief that I am a person who is dependable and
responsible and reliable, who always accounts for his actions, and able to hold
his head high in dignity, conducting his affairs in an above-board manner. I
write this because I believe in its anonymity, and also because I want to avoid
further altercations. I don’t want my silence to be seen as an admission of
guilt, but rather as a sign of stoic dignity. I will still walk in for practice
with my head held high, knowing I have not committed any huge unpardonable
error, and still filled with passion for the music that this band produces. I
also maintain that I always try to make it for practices, and that I believe in
my own judgement of priorities. I believe I have made more than my fair share
of sacrifices for the band too, as much as playing there is an honour for me too.
And I can only finally point to earlier examples of when I cannot fulfil my
responsibilities – I inform as soon as I can, as many people as I can, only to
receive numerous naggings and pestering that only hampers me from whatever
urgent or important matter that caused me to miss practice in the first place,
but that is another matter altogether.
Therefore
in the light of all this, I ask not to be judged on one matter only, and for
sweeping statements not to be applied to me.
dejectium out
2 august 2004
0016 hrs gmt +8