the
dark dot from afar bobs slowly down the slope. as it gets nearer it starts to
take on the shape of a man. long and lean. it continues to bobble downslope, getting taller and brighter, taller and brighter
till it takes on the shape of a man. a long and lean man in white. a man
running downslope.
he
pauses for breath.
cannot
take it anymore. stops and waits.
I
run across the road, traverse the barrier. step over the drain, and dash across
the remainder of the road to join him. he’s exhausted, and needs a rest. I continue
warming up, exchanging pleasantries.
he
decides he’s ok. that we can go on. we start at a
slow pace, talking occasionally. the conversation gets deeper, and more into
our private lives. we speed up. and up the slope we go. we talk less, saving
our breaths for the tormenting upslope. we conquer
the slope, then grunt in realisation of the next
slope we have to face.
and
on we go again. and before we know it, we reach his hall. stop outside his
entrance, talk for a while. or what seemed a while. he actually has the
impression that she and I were together, thanks to friends crapping around till
he actually believed. he’s happy for me. then I correct him. we’re far from it.
we
continue talking. suddenly we broach the subject of what we’re each going to do
on valentines’. then the messiah speaks: valentines’
is everyday.
the
simplicity of his statement stuns me. I think for a while, then I start to feel
more light-hearted. that statement puts everything into a much brighter light.
it’s everyday, so even if I don’t get to go out with her, there’s always
another day. it’s just an over-commercialised chance
for presents to be exchanged. and so I go
out to get her a gift. duh.
thanks
man, that short statement enlightened me tremendously.
we
decide it’s getting late. 0145 hrs. this time round, I
go on. he walks down the staircase to his room, and this time, I’m the one morphing into the little dot that fades and diminishes as I
bob along. back to my room, breathlessly conquering the upslopes
along the way…
and so I go out to get
her a gift.
got
it today. quite a nice thing from body shop. specifically requested for pink,
and the shop assistants stared as me as if I were weird. then had time to burn.
called her. bad move.
never
intended to ask her out on friday. but turns out I find
out she’s going out with someone already. he’s
some classmate you’ve never seen before. we’re not together.
why does she need to
reassure me about that? I’m not anyone to her.
need
to get a grip. I’m pounding the keyboard hard now. every stroke is hammered in.
everyday is valentines’ I comfort
myself. like a shot of ventolin I immediately feel
lighter. ok I can continue.
sat at boat quay, almost exactly where we were on new year’s eve, and wrote out
a letter to her to be stuffed in the box. as time passed, light dimmed. the
shade of sky darkened, the stars came out. the streetlights came on. wrote it,
felt better. decided it’s time to walk on. from boat quay I trudged to maxwell, to meet friends. guess I’m on a cheer-a-friend-up
campaign. I thought I wouldn’t be a very good consoler
today, so decided not to talk too much.
yet
I had to put on a bright façade. cos I knew she’d be
sad. (it’s a different her). so I tried my best to stay bright, and make her
stay bright. amazingly this turned my attention away from her, though it ached everytime they
mentioned her. I suddenly feel like giving up all over again, but hey, my angel
said everyday is valentines’. it’s
nothing special, I’ll tell myself everytime I ache.
felt
great to have dinner with them. then sent one friend home,
talked to her lots. and she mentioned her
quite a number of times. and it hurt that number of times. but realised she’s much better now. glad for her.
she
goes up the lift. and now I start to be alone again. walked a few bus stops,
thinking. then realised I had to take a bus else I’d
never get home.
guess
I did. otherwise you’d not be reading this.
and
every few seconds I’d be telling myself
everyday is valentines’.
dejectium out
12 february
2003
0005 hrs gmt +8