I’m not having a very productive day for studying. have only cleared up stuff that I need to study, generated a list of exam dates, syllabi and exam formats. spent more time checking mail and playing warcraft.

 

I take a glance at the bottom right corner of the laptop screen. says 6.45pm. I decide to go for a jog.

 

rummage through my wardrobe to find suitable jogging gear. yellow singlet with a large “INFANTRY” blazed across the back. red short shorts. put them on, look in the mirror, and I see a flattering physique. over-flattering. then I take pity on the image for the ghastly face it carries. nevermind. nobody will look at a sweaty mass decked in yellow and red anyway.

 

sip a short drink of water, pray that the slight running/blocked nose won’t affect the jog. amble over to the kitchen, push the sliding door aside.

 

mummy, wo qu pao bu

 

mum makes a comment about how good I look in the jogging gear.

 

opens the door with her keys, just in time to see grandma walk out of the lift in her trademark green tee shirt, slips on my “no balance” (new balance) saf shoes, leaves the door open for her.

 

wo qu pao bu

 

waits for the lift, raring to go.

 

reaches the playground where I do my warmup. begins the routine warmup from waist down, all the way to the toes. nice jogging time, judging by the people who are passing by. a guy decked in army grey singlet and black shorts. he takes a cursory glance towards me. “infantry?” he must be thinking. two malay friends sitting at the void deck chatting, one with a crutch and an intricately wrapped-up leg. I take a short glance at them, and look away quickly, not wanting to impose any imperial-looking disposition.

 

sees the chin-up bar. been long since I’ve tried, so I do a long eccentric one. takes six seconds to reach the top, and another six to straighten. feels good. so I tell myself, heck, another few. four more follow in quick succession. better conserve some strength for the jog.

 

just in time. the watch reads “18:56:30” and I start. at too fast a pace for a beginning, I suppose. but I tell myself I’m fitter anyway, so might as well see how far I can push myself. I tell myself I’ll run as far as I can for 15 minutes, then turn back and try to reach home in another 15 minutes.

 

reaches the petal garden, sees the guy in army grey and black shorts again. passes by a pony-tailed girl in tkgs-looking shorts. takes a perhaps-too-long look at her, before telling myself hey I’m supposed to be jogging.

interesting to see some teenagers in dunman high uniform playing basketball there too. three guys and two girls. wonder if my sister knows them. passes by many benches along the way, and see different people. greying old men relaxing on an evening walk, oversized t-shirts and shorts-clad maids with impertinent kids playing at the children’s playground. the avid foot reflexologist. pregnant woman taking a healthy walk. and of course, the health-conscious housewife who’s finished cooking dinner ambling along at a comfortable pace.

 

runs past all, run to the end. a bus stop advert comes to mind: the person in front is there to be overtaken. or something along those lines. then a song comes to mind. liang jing ru’s fen shou kuai le. synthesizes that into my jogging pace. in the end it turns out to be almost a techno beat. repeats it over and over.

 

reaches the link between the park and the main road. new pavement linking the two places. one of housing estate, and one of exclusive landed property. continues the jog down to the main road. glances at the watch. 19:01:30. heck. I’ve only been running for five minutes. definitely too fast.

 

getting a bit breathless, but that’s the way running is supposed to be.

 

takes the link to the pedestrian sidewalk, keeping to the side to allow passage for four indian workers on bikes. continues down the main road towards the mrt station. notices a growing wet patch across my chest. perspiration’s good. means I’m exercising hard. traffic lights go my way for the entire road down. most of it, at least. until the penultimate one where I have to wait for the man to turn green. no choice but to stop. bad move. the unfamiliar bright feeling starts to overcome me… I see white. feel groggy. and breathless. throat runs dry. I bend over, asking myself why this is happening. must let the blood rush to my head, can’t turn back now. 19:08:27. just need to get to the 19:11:30 mark and I can turn back.

 

the lights turn green and I carry on despite the whiteness. and it amazingly disappears as I run on. the breathlessness and congestion in the chest carries on though, as does the dry throat and gag reflex. 19:10:45. ok, I’ll cross the road at the next traffic light and turn back. and it’s eunos mrt! crosses the road. suddenly feel that I can’t carry on anymore. stop, panting. walk on slowly. but I can’t. the bus stop’s just in front. how can I walk through just like that? I tell myself, run on. will reach home soon. restarts with a reasonable pace this time round. passes the bus stop before I know it. and carries on down the opposite side of the road from where I came from. see a guy sprinting in the small circular track just on my left, within his precinct. reaching the now-defunct primary school that attracted so much controversy over a headscarf-wearing issue. passes under the flyover, reaching the exclusive private estate again.

 

have to stop again for the lights. and the white comes back. must be the carbon monoxide I tell myself. depriving my head of oxygen. all that secondary school crap about carbon monoxide interfering with the blood to form carboxyhaemoglobin starts filling my head. kind of a paradox huh. the effect actually happens as I recount it. light turns green again. and I cross.

 

this time the white doesn’t go off as fast as it did the previous time. I start thinking my stamina’s really weakened now. it’s 19:18:36. almost nearing the 19:26 mark that I should reach home by. struggles through the private estate back to the link to the housing estates. then I suddenly realize I haven’t noticed anyone along the way on the main road the way I did inside the residential park. lesson learnt: struggling with oneself blinds him from the happenings around. feeling philosophical.

 

suddenly I realize again that the white’s gone. and I’m breathing normally. except for that increasing tightening and tiredness in the calves. I make myself promise I won’t stop to walk at all along the way back home, even if it means it’s a slow snail’s pace.

 

and before I know it again, I’m back at the petal garden. the dunmanians are no longer there. two malay kids stroking the ball around the street soccer court. I notice a couple jogging quite some distance ahead of me. that “meant to be overtaken” quote surfaces again and I tell myself I’ll overtake them gradually. then the slight slope in front dismays me. but it’s nothing compared to the school slope, I say. and proceeds to conquer it in seconds. fast approaching the couple. another pony-tailed girl, with a strapping guy this time round. I pass, turning my head ever so slightly to glance at the girl. nothing much. heh. bastard. jog also want to see girl, the singlish refrain goes off the top of my head.

 

reaches another run-down playground that has a girl about my age lying down doing crunches on the peripherals of it. hair again tied in a ponytail. wearing shorts. nice legs, I notice. then I see this indian guy too well-dressed for a jog, walking not towards her, but somewhat in her direction. I slow down, ready to take any action should he desire to do anything funny. then tell myself off for the paranoia and endeavours to see her face. too bad, light conditions don’t allow me to. 19:31:37. darn. much later than I expected. but guess that girl’s safe as I strain a ear to listen out for any screams.

 

seeing that familiar soft lighting near my void deck again finally. I’m impressed with myself that I’ve managed to complete this run with that whiteness and breathlessness. and hey, the malay guys, one with the plaster-cast leg, are still there. nice chat eh.

 

jogs up to the sit-up bench and immediately sits ignoring all those advice about not sitting down immediately after stopping a run. buries head in arms waiting for the blood to rush. by now I’m wet through with perspiration. then an elderly couple stroll up and take a seat at another bench a short distance away. not wanting to disturb them, I walk a distance away to commence the cooling down. too short to be medically-advised. but the heck with it. I wanna get home, shower, drink lotsa water, and collapse on the sofa.

 

I say a silent farewell to the elderly couple and the malay guys, and gets ready to take the lift. wet through with perspiration. entirely.

 

someone’s going to be washing their hands damn hard later when they reach home should they take the lift I was on. *weak smile*

 

 

dejectium out

(I’m impressed if you’ve read this far. but hey, there’s so much happening on a mundane jog!)

2152 hrs gmt +8

15 april 2003

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