I
tried creating some sort of nostalgia tonight.
after some problems with my computer, I finally have it up
again, and tonight I played some music. inadvertently
I ended up playing songs that reminded me why I’m far away in
she’s always on my mind
from the time I wake up
till I close my eyes
she’s everywhere I go
she’s all I know
and though she’s so far away
it just keeps getting stronger everyday
and even now she’s gone
I’m still holding on…. (am
i?)
so tell me where do I start
cos it’s breaking my heart
don’t wanna let her go
I
thought I’d gotten over it, gotten over everything, and getting on pretty well
with my life. after all it’s been more than a year
already since everything happened. I thought I’d test it out by looking through
some old photos. some old photos of happier times,
when we celebrated friends’ birthdays together. then I
saw her photo, and his photo too, and I realised I just
couldn’t bring myself to look at those photos.
that’s when I asked myself: have I gotten over everything? or am I still
holding on?
I
can still distinctly hear her wispy voice whining to me over the phone. see her eyes gleam with delight. feel
the little accidental contacts between our hands. smell
the white musk on her…
sounds reminding me of her, sights reminding me of
her, scents that came from her, all these don’t exist in reality anymore far
away where I am, but they still exist just as vividly in my imagination. does memory really fade? will
we ever forget?
I’m
starting to think I just need someone else to come into my life, maybe not now,
but anytime that new person comes into my life, that’s when I know that I’ll
start to exorcise those ghosts of the past, and start believing I’m not that
same loser anymore. yet I don’t want to behave like
one on the prowl, looking out for potentials as if I were desperate. I know I am
happy as I am now, but that life might probably be more fulfilling with someone
to care for, someone to dote upon, but that’s not a pressing need.
actually I don’t really know.
who really knows anyway?
dejectium out
0038 hrs gmt
leeds,