been thinking a lot these few days. perhaps too
much.
I really don’t like to be in this kind of
situation, where I don’t know where I stand, and I fear finding out.
I’m close to giving up. I’m starting to
believe that there’s no hope after all.
but why did it have to take so long? why must I have
waited till she’s available only to decide (or come close to deciding)?
but she’s too precious a friend to give up. as a
friend, that is. yet I need her absence to enable me
to purge her from my mind. I have to stop thinking of her all the time.
Sorry didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight itI guess I was weak, couldn't even hide itand so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.
Don't know how many times I said I'm gonna live without you,and maybe someone else is standing there beside you,
but there's something, baby you need to know.
That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying. I have to see you,it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world's become so empty. The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.
Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol.
Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte. Agonizando, muy lento y muy fuerte.
Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias, mis ganas de vivir la vida, devuelveme el aire.
Cariño mio, sin tin yo me siento vacio, las tardes son un laberinto, las noches
me saben, a puro dolor.
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world's become so empty. The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it.I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide itand so I surrendered just to hear your voice.
my mind’s almost made up. so’s my heart. and both feel
like they’re being torn into a million pieces. looks
like I really have to bear through this period of unbearable pain. I’d rather
do it to myself, then let her do it to me. at least one person’s pain’s better than two? that is if she actually feels any pain to clarify things
with me.
but how? from elatedness at having
the same lecture and tutorial, transcending into fear of seeing her every week,
ever so often. this is so fast. is
that how fate or whatever-they-call-it twirls us around its fingers
excruciatingly? perhaps I should channel all my
energies into other things…
but what’s worthwhile? studies? instrument playing? computer games?
they are just… so superficial. I don’t want to hide
behind a façade. but I have to, so that those close to
me don’t feel awkward nor inconvenienced by my sudden gloom. perhaps
I don’t need to go around telling people that I’m gonna
give up. just to those whom I think will understand me
well.
I
hope she doesn’t notice me trying to distance myself from her. I have to, for
my own sake. else I can’t imagine how I’d face her. dilemma: I hope she feels a little tinge of sadness at our
distancing, yet I don’t want her to. I would love to know that I at least mean
a little something to her, but I don’t want her to suffer any little bit of
unhappiness.
men don’t cry. I’m not about to. but
how I hope I am able to. just let everything go at
once. but men don’t cry.
I
don’t cry.
But tell me, where do I start'Coz it's breakin' my heartDon't wanna let her go Maybe my love will come back somedayOnly heaven knowsAnd maybe our hearts will find a wayBut only heaven knowsAnd all I can do is hope & pray 'Coz heaven knowsWhy I live in despair'Coz wide awake or dreamin',I know she's never thereAnd all the time I act so brave,I'm shakin' insideWhy does it hurt me so?Maybe my love will come back somedayOnly heaven knowsAnd maybe our hearts will find a wayBut only heaven knowsAnd all I can do is hope & prayHeaven knows... heaven knows.
absolutely in the doldrums
dejectium out
1300 hrs gmt +8