I allowed my self to wallow in some
nostalgic self-pity and sadness today.
nostalgia often gives a connotation of not having experienced something, yet
missing that something.
and guess that aptly describes what I felt?
probably it’s the forced consciousness that brought it on. aprilyn mentioned her last night. mr fahmy mentioned her
today. then passed by her house as usual on the
highway back home. and of course, started to think
about the what-ifs.
just one year ago, this period, I was cycling to her house and passing her
notes. falling down and getting a huge scar in the
process. would have just celebrated her birthday with
her too. now she’s happily spending time with he who’s
“been there for (her) all this while”. my foot.
I’m glad to be able to say I’ve more or
less moved on. I haven’t allowed *her* to impact my life that often. except for those occasional sightings – heh
I’m speaking as if she’s some UFO. and I’m glad time
really heals. the hypothetical “they” never lie. and I’ve moved on, I guess. made new
good friends in my major. people who appreciate me for
who I am. just a pity that I won’t be able to spend
more time with them in the next semester to develop these friendships further. and a number of them are going into honours year already
anyway. (oh and did I mention I found one of them
really pretty; and we share quite a few common interests? too bad she’s
probably too good for me again. dancer, from RJ, staunch christian,
and all that sh*t). heh. then again, we’ll be
going to some concerts together. think I’ll just leave
things to chance lah.
and so as usual, I give myself reasons why I should stay single:
-
save money; a
-
I spend too much time
on band
-
no one notices me
anyway
-
I need time to start
dieting and getting fit
-
can continue ogling at
girls
-
can concentrate on
studies and those oh-so-important honours
-
to go on exchange with
a carefree mind
-
and be able to make as many friends as possible without restrictions…
and thus, as usual, I feel better after doing this.
dejectium out
0137
hrs gmt +8