a new change in colour. hope it’s not too
glaring. wanted to use white but it looked too
formal-letter kind.
think I’m almost back to 100% me. spent the whole
day at east coast park psyching myself and letting myself wallow. really enjoyed the time alone there. and
as I left, I told myself.
I’m
leaving east coast park a changed man. a happier man. ready for a brand
new day. I’ll allow myself to show some weakness occasionally, that’s only
natural. but I’ll be happy.
and I am. think I’ve really managed to rebound
well. of course, the occasional mention of her by
friends will still bring back some brimming. but
that’s natural too. I’ve managed to elevate myself to a vantage point. to see that all’s gone, but not lost. I still have my life. and everyone around me. lots of
friends. and a whole long holiday to look forward to.
as a friend said, it’s not even a
break up. you weren’t even together.
and I wholeheartedly agree. true we’ve shared
precious moments. and I’ve given her perhaps more than
I’ve given anyone. and I don’t regret a single bit of
it. I don’t regret those five years gone. because I
have memories. sweet ones.
and I’ll keep them. store them in a jewel box for
retrieval when I start to grey. it’ll be nice memories
to reminisce. that’s almost a quarter of my life so
far!
now I feel liberated. freed. no
longer anything tugging at my heartstrings anymore. no
feeling of obligation or urge to go on being a sucker for pain as I’ve always
been. no intense need to go message her and tell her
to take care or what.
because.
because I know she’s capable of more than take care of herself.
I face it. I see it. I’m not good enough. and that’s it. that’s about all to
it. I haven’t any loss.
I give myself a reassuring smile. my sis probably thinks I’m mad smiling to myself. but I strangely feel happy. a kind
of subdued happiness. relaxed to know that I’m fine. (heh, though my head still spins occasionally – worst ever
hangover!!! =)
I feel confident again. to
face the whole world. to face her too.
I’m alright.
dejectium out
07
may 2003
0056
hrs gmt +8