He curls up into a ball, hides himself into a corner. Comfortably tucked into a little corner. No one disturbing, not under attack by anyone. Protected, comforted in solace.

 

He sees the ball bounce, once, twice, thrice. A multitude of times, till the spaces in between the repetitions grow so close that they no longer exist. The ball grows, bigger, bigger, bigger, till it completely engulfs the room, engulfs the space he is in. He struggles against that power, but finds his struggles futile. He finds himself choking, asphyxiated by that smooth ball with the wonderful texture that used to offer him comfort. He gasps for air, but all that enter his nostrils are the wafts of shampooed hair. He tries to expel them, but he realises he is powerless. He pushes hard against the ball, but with every moment, it grows bigger, bigger, bigger. He can’t breathe now. No more shampooed hair wafts.

 

His heart thumps. Why? He’s stilled it. He reaches his hand in, the entire arm down his throat now, past the gullet, through the walls of the stomach. Yes! He’s managed to get hold of the slithering heart. It writhes, like how he writhed in agony just seconds before, trying to escape the demon-like clutches of that claw. Nah. Another futile struggle. The claws gain a grip, and secure a hold, and intensify their grip. The heart pulses a few more times, and gives a token pump before it stops.

 

Now he is relieved. He gives the token sigh of relief. No more thumping, no more agony. He tries to pull himself up but he realises he can’t. He doesn’t have the energy to. No blood pumping, no cursed blood coursing through his cursed veins. He sees the black spread. Or is it purple? He can’t tell it’s dark and everything’s blacking out. Or is it purpling out? It speeds through his veins, from where his heart was supposed to be. It moves out radially, his limbs blacken and stiffen. That blackness rushes up his gullet, through his open, screaming mouth and spew forth like a volcano spewing out its lava, ready to destroy all that’s around.

 

More of that blackness, that purpleness gush forth, filling up the floor around him. In his mind he hears the incessant ticking of a time-bomb ready to explode anytime. Then it stops and starts playing Bach. Then Rachmaninov. Now Tchaikovsky. Hey it’s almost like a radio station suddenly. No, maybe not one radio station, but many. Welcome to the Class Ninety-Five Five-on-Nine contest or whatever that shit is. Huan ying shou ting xian ge ji yi. Jiu san san zui xin ping dao yong yuan pei zhe ni. Then it’s static all of a sudden. Now the sound of a DJ scratching at his vinyls. The sounds speed up, with no more space left in between them, into an incessant roar of mice screeching.

 

Sudden silence.

 

The waft of recently-shampooed hair returns. It intensifies around him, and now it smells as if somebody has sprayed on too much cologne trying to impress the girl he’s going out with. It’s stifling, and at the same time that silence roars within him. The pool of black rises, up to his curled-up knees now and he can’t stand to get out of it. It’s burning him, no, freezing him. He tries to scream, and releases a bloodcurdling yell if there were any more blood to curdle. The silence roars louder, the scent smells stronger, the flood rises higher. He screams louder, but there’s no hope.

 

dejectium out

0119 hrs gmt +7

17 june 2005

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