Forgotten, when did I start falling in
love with him?
Kaoru…
‘ I love you.’
Kaoru avoid again, using his warm
smile, treating that I was joking.
This is the first time I express my
love to him.
I failed.
Nevermind, there is still chances…
‘ Can I stay over your place?’
Kaoru let me.
Tonight was a wonderful night for me,
Kaoru was beside me and I could see him again tomorrow morning when I open my
eyes.
“ Why are you sleeping on my bed?”
“ Why can’t I?” I pouted. “ Shinya had…
Die had… even Kyo… and I did sleep here before too…”
“ Ok… ok, just don’t kick me tonight.”
Kaoru sighed.
I know he would let me do so because it
weren’t the first time I spending my night at his place. All of us do it often
and Kaoru place was just like the second home for all of us. We would stay over
here whenever small matters occur at our own house and he always let us; Kaoru
was kind to me… to everyone too.
“ Why can’t it just be me?”
“What?” Kaoru had heard me.
“ Nothing…” I turn my back facing him
now. “ Kaoru…” I called softly.
“ Huh?”
“ I like you.” I close my eye when I
say that.
“ Me too.” Kaoru had reply without a
second thought. “ And everyone else in the band.” He laughed.
I give out a laugh too. I know he mean
what he say, he weren’t avoiding anything, he had say exactly what he was
thinking, were not treating it as a joke, everything he say mean truly what he
think. Kaoru didn’t take me a special one, he treat every one in the band
equally.
Toshiya was important to me.
He once told me this…
And
Shinya too…
Die too…
Kyo too…
Everyone in the band was important to
me…
All of you.
I felt hurt again.
Why can’t it just be me?
This is the second time I express my
love to him.
I failed again.
Nevermind, I told myself…
There are still chances.
“ Goodnight.”
The next morning, I opened my eyes and
there he was sleeping soundly beside me. I could hear his breathing. I move
nearer to him and feel his breath. I always do so whenever I am here. Kaoru
doesn’t know at all that I always wake up earlier just to see his sleeping face
and went back to sleep again so that I can enjoy the feeling of him waking me up.
“ Toshiya, it’s time to wake up.”
Kaoru was waking me up gently. His face
was beside me and he was talking at my ear, he always does so and I enjoy his
breath blowing on my face when he calls me. I pretend not to wake up and he
would use whatever way he can think of to try waking me up, and this is what I
enjoy too because this was the only time where I was the only person he think
of.
“ Mmm… let me sleep a while longer.”
I move nearer to him. This is the only
chance I can get so near to him and this is the only chance he would let me do
so.
“ I love this blanket… this pillow…” I
hug the pillow tightly.
“ What so nice of the pillow?” He tried
to put the pillow away from me.
“ Because I like it owner.”
Kaoru did not treat it seriously, he
believes that I was saying this so just to please him and he would let me sleep
longer. He pulled the pillow away and pulled me up. This is the only time I
admit that he was strong but this is a good chance for me to lean against him
where he let me do so too. I smiled secretly. Although I failed to get him into
believing what I say but I can get so close to him… okay worthy.
This is the third time I express my
love to him.
I failed again.
Nevermind,
There are still chances.
Time races…
‘ I love you’
‘ I like you’
Kaoru warm smile bring every word I had
say over.
This is how many time I told him I love
him?
Forgotten.
Never mind.
There are still chances. I told myself
for the don’t know how many time…
Yesterday I do it again. I told him
directly this time that I like him, Kaoru smiled again. “ Don’t be silly
Toshiya.” He told me this. What does it mean?
“ I like you too, you are an important
person in my life…”
I covered my ear after this word…
because I know…
“ Die is… Shinya is… Kyo is.” I know he
would say this to me.
Kaoru… Do you know I love you? He
always brings every word of mine pass with his smile. Does he really understand
what I had say to him till now was truly from my heart?
Or
He had thought that what I had say to
him was just a joke… because I always joke with him…
Or
He decides to treat the matter this
way, in case we broke our relationship if he rejected me directly?
Or
This is what I wish so. Kaoru really
doesn’t understand my what I mean.
I failed again.
Is this my last chance of telling you?
Because…
“ Hi guys, let me introduce.” Kaoru had
brought a girl with him today. “ This is my fiancées.”
My heart was shattered.
Kaoru…
You are cruel…
+End+
By Tsmr
[12/01/03]