Love is…
By Tsmrhara
Blue or pink
Part 1
Toshiya hug his soft toy, sitting on
the bed waiting for Kaoru to return. The room was always too big for Toshiya
when Kaoru was not around and Toshiya hate to be alone, really hate it. Toshiya
and Kaoru had become lover for almost half a year but still, Toshiya cannot
find any secure in Kaoru. All he knows was Kaoru had accept him because Shinya
had become Die’s lover.
Another hour had pass and it will be
midnight soon but Kaoru had not return. Toshiya decide not to wait anymore,
packing up his belonging and carefully making sure that the apartment door is
knock before proceeding to the bus stop to catch the last bus home.
Damn Kaoru, it had been half a year and
you don’t even ask me to move to your apartment. Toshiya cursed. And now I had
to travel within Kyo and your apartment and I don’t even get to see you today.
I’ve put in so much effort for you and all I get is being left alone in your
apartment just because you receive a call from Shinya. Shinya Shinya Shinya is all over your mind but he is not your
lover and I am!! Why must you
put in so much effort for Shinya….? Toshiya anger had change to tear when he
think about it.
----------------------------------------------------
“ I really have enough of him and I
going to break off with him this time!!” Shinya shouted but was immediately
stop by Kaoru who was helping the drunk Shinya to the bed.
“ Ok, ok. Be good and sleep now….”
Shinya had already fallen asleep before Kaoru can finish his word.
***
Toshiya must be damn angry with me now.
Kaoru can image Toshiya’s angry face (^ ^;) Sitting down on the sofa, Kaoru
soon fall asleep.
The next morning, Shinya wake up and
was surprise to find Kaoru in his apartment. Shinya remember that he had
quarrel with Die yesterday and had ask Kaoru out to accompany him and then he
got drank for the first time and it must be Kaoru who sent me back and look
after me.
“Kaoru, wake up!” Shinya call softly.
The light really hurt Kaoru’s eye when
he open them but was soon cover by a shadow in front of him. Kaoru close his
eye and pull the person down.
“Totchi, good morning.” Kaoru muttered.
“What do you think will happen if
Toshiya see us like that?”
Kaoru open his eyes immediately not
caring whether the morning light hurt his eyes and he saw a blushing Shinya
still being hold in his arm staring at him.
“A hard tight slap for me without
giving me any chance to explain.”
---------------------------------------------
Kaoru and Shinya arrival at the
practice room to see that Die and Kyo was already there but Toshiya was nowhere
seen. Kyo was sleeping on the sofa and Die can really be seen that he had not
been sleeping the whole night.
“ Shinya I have something to talk to
you.”
Die and Shinya went out of the room
together leaving Kaoru and Kyo behind.
“ Kyo, wake up. Kyo!”
“ …….”
“ Kyo your Miko is here looking for
you. She’s outside waiting for you. Wake up now!”
“ WHERE?”
Kaoru finally get Kyo to wake up and found
out from Kyo that he had not see Toshiya early this morning and had thought
that Toshiya was at Kaoru’s apartment. Kaoru make a phone call back to his
apartment to see whether Toshiya was there as he had not go back to his
apartment since yesterday but no one answer. Kaoru had tried many time but it
is still the same. Kyo had assumed that Toshiya was still sleeping but Kaoru
began to get worry as he know that Toshiya will still answer the phone no
matter what.
“ Kyo, I going to my apartment. Tell
the others.”
***
“ Shinya, forgive me. You know I love
you and what happened that day I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it. I’m just too
angry and I know I should not have said those things to hurt you. Please!”
“ Just because you’re angry huh, do you
know how much those word had hurt me?”
“ I know I shouldn’t have said there’s
something between you and Kaoru. I know it all my fault, you my lover and Kaoru
is my best friend and I should not have said it and most of all, Kaoru already
have Toshiya. Shinya, please forgive me.”
“ No you not wrong, there’s really
something between Kaoru and me. I’ve sleep with him yesterday and now I want to
break off with you!”
“ No! You will not do anything to hurt
Toshiya. I know you just angry with me.”
**
[No you not wrong, there’s really
something between Kaoru and me. I’ve sleep with him yesterday and now I want to
break off with you!]
[I’ve sleep with him yesterday……]
Toshiya was all the while listening to
Shinya and Die conversation and was stun to hear what Shinya had said, Toshiya
ran away immediately when he know that Shinya had sleep with Kaoru yesterday
when he was being …..
**
“ Die, I just need some time to cool
down so leave me alone now. Please give me some time.”
“ Shinya….. “
“ Please, I just need some time. I
admit I’m just too angry just now, there nothing between me and Kaoru.”
------------------------------------------
Kaoru had reach his apartment but
Toshiya was not there. Kaoru went to Kyo’s apartment in case that Toshiya had
went back but there is still no sight of Toshiya. Where have you gone? Toshiya
why you did not answer my phone? Had something happen to you? Suddenly, Kaoru’s
hand phone rang which distract Kaoru from his thinking.
“ Moshi moshi.”
“ Kaoru, where are you now?”
“ Kyo?”
“ Toshiya is here already.”
“ He is…. That’s good. I’ll be back
now.”
-----------------------------------------
Toshiya sit on the sofa trying not to
let his tear drop after making up an excuse of what had happened to his face.
The other members of course believe his reason for falling down and causing a
bruise mark on his face as Toshiya was always that clumsy in their eyes but it
was not the real reason and the only one who know the reason would be Toshiya
himself and he will not let anyone to know it.
Die who was helping Toshiya to treat
the wound realize that it was not a wound that will cause on falling down. Die
know that something must have happen to Toshiya at the way Toshiya had reacted
today, but he did not want to get in much detail in front of the other members
especially when he know that Toshiya was trying to hide something from them.
It was almost launch time when Kaoru
finally return to the practice room. Kaoru went directly to Toshiya while Die
ask the others out for launch knowing that Kaoru and Toshiya will have
something to said.
**
Kaoru see the bruise on Toshiya’s face,
stretching out his hand, Kaoru touch the bruise and was about to ask Toshiya
what had happen but Toshiya move away. Surprise by Toshiya’s reaction, Kaoru
held Toshiya’s hand up and force Toshiya to face him.
“ Toshiya, what happen? Tell me.”
“ Let go of my hand, it hurt!”
Kaoru find himself going wild when
Toshiya refuse to said anything to him. Both of them facing each other and
remain silent until Kaoru finally speak up again.
“ Totchi, I’m sorry about yesterday but
I finally realize something when I could not find you this morning. You’re very
important to me. Really! Move to my apartment and we can be together everyday.”
“ Stop telling lie. You should know
your truth feeling, you know you care more about Shinya than me and now you
still want to lie to me. If Shinya is not with Die, will you still choose to be
with me?”
“ Totchi, Shinya is important to me but
it is just my concern for a friend but you are different…”
“ Stop toying with my feeling, KAORU.”
“ TOTCHI!!”
**
Toshiya rush out of the room without
turning his head, ignoring Kaoru yelling. Tears roll down from his cheek,
messing up his makeup but he did not care. Damn Kaoru! First you left me behind
upon receiving Shinya’s call, than you even sleep with him and now you still
dare to tell me that I’m the most important person in your life. What do you
take me for, your servant or just a toy? If I’m that important to you than
where are you yesterday when I was begin …, you are having fun with Shinya and
he is your best friend lover! How can you??
Crouching on the bed, Toshiya could not
held back his tear. He had love Kaoru that much, he did not care how many time
Kaoru had left him behind for Shinya, he had believe in Kaoru but how can Kaoru
do this to him. After crying for some time, Toshiya finally fallen asleep.
Kyo who had came back to look for
Toshiya when he know about the quarrel find a sleeping Toshiya on the bed with
tear still dropping from his eyes. Upon seeing Toshiya in this state, Kyo felt
his heart ache so much.
----------------------------------------------
Toshiya was walking down Kaoru’s
apartment, cursing Kaoru for letting him to wait in vain. Taking a look at his
watch, Toshiya hope that he could still catch the last bus so he decide to take
a short cut to the bus stop. Walking across a dark street, a man suddenly
appears in front of Toshiya. Being scare by the man, Toshiya ask in a shaking
voice, “ What do you want?”
The man take a step forward and Toshiya
know that something was wrong, turning around, Toshiya start to run but the man
had get hold of him. The man push Toshiya to the ground and threw himself onto
Toshiya while Toshiya scream for help. Suddenly, Toshiya felt a blow on his
cheek follow by another, “ Quiet, you brat or you’ll be sorry!” Toshiya’s cheek
start to sting, tears roll down from his face.
Toshiya’s clothes was being ripped
apart by the man. “ Kao...!” Toshiya tried to shout out and pray that Kaoru
could hear him but he know it was impossible. The man stuffs a piece of clothes
from Toshiya’s shirt into his mouth. The man than unzip his pant and pushed
open Toshiya’s leg roughly. Without an warning, the man thrust into Toshiya
moving faster and faster each time. Toshiya trembled in burning pain and tear
fall from his eyes. Toshiya wanted to fight back but had get more punch on the
stomach instead, finally given up, he lay still until the man had done.
It was morning when Toshiya woke up,
putting on his clothes, he get a cab home to find that Kyo had already went for
practice. After taking a shower, Toshiya went for the practice in order not to
let anyone found out what had happen. When Toshiya reach the studio, he heard
someone quarreling and was stun to hear the conversation between Shinya and Die
before he run away without hearing the last part of the conversation.
------------------------------------------------
[“ Quiet or you’ll be sorry!!”]
[“ No…please”]
“ NO!!!”
Toshiya woke up from his dream, still
sweating. Kyo was awake by the shouting and try to comfort Toshiya who was
still crying. Worry by Toshiya’s reaction, Kyo hugs him tightly to cool him
down. “ What had happen?” Kyo ask when Toshiya finally seem to cool down a bit.
“ Kyo.. I .. I ….”
“ WHAT!!”
“ Please don’t tell the other….please.”
Toshiya start to cry again.
“ Toshiya…. But don’t you need to
confirm the matter with Kaoru? Maybe it’s just an misunderstood.”
“ It can’t be. We all know that Kaoru
like Shinya and…”
“ TOSHIYA!! What the hell…”
**
[ In the hospital ]
Kaoru and Shinya arrival at the
hospital together as Shinya was with him when Kaoru get the call from Kyo
saying that Toshiya had been sent to the hospital. When they found Kyo sitting
outside the ward, Kaoru also went mad to see Kyo serious expression. Kyo turn
his head when he hear footstep, standing up from the chair, Kyo walk toward
Kaoru and give him a punch on the face which stun both Kaoru and Shinya.
“ What the fuck!?” Kaoru exclaim both
in pain and shock but he immediately turn his anger to concern. “ Kyo, what
happen to Toshiya?”
“ Kaoru, tell me! Did you do something
unfaithfully to Toshiya?” Kyo’s expression becomes more serious when he ask
this question.
All the while, Shinya was standing
still beside Kaoru. Kyo question had really stun Kaoru and before Kaoru said
anything, Kyo turn to Shinya and ask him the same question. Kyo know that
Shinya will never lie and was expecting a truth answer from him. Shinya shook
his head and Kyo was finally relieved from the answer. Kyo decide that it was
the best to tell Kaoru what had happen to Toshiya.
**
Anger overcomes his mind and Kaoru
would have killed anyone who had done this to Toshiya if he can. All Kaoru
wants to do now is to hug Toshiya tightly in his arm and protect him from
anyone who try to hurt him but he also know that it was his fault to leave
Toshiya behind. If he would have tell Toshiya to live with him earlier on, nothing
would have happen now. It was all his fault.
“ But why’s Toshiya here?” Kaoru ask. “
What the doctor had said?”
The doctor came out of the ward at this
moment and tells them that Toshiya will be okay after some good rest. It was
just the internal injure at his stomach that cause him to cough out blood.
**
Toshiya had refused to see Kaoru even
after he know that it was just a misunderstood; shame was all he has now. ‘ I
don’t worth Kaoru anymore, not anymore!’
--------------------------------------------------------
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Two month had passed; no one had
mention about the incident, they were all trying to help Toshiya to forget
about it. Nothing seem to have happened before to Toshiya at the way he had
reacted but they know that it was just Toshiya trying to hide his sadness from
them.
Kaoru’s tempered had gotten from bad to
worse, he had found himself totally ignored by Toshiya. Whenever he tries to
get near or talk to Toshiya, Toshiya will either move away or just answer Kaoru
what is necessary and ignored him again.
The practice was over and as usual,
Toshiya and Kyo will go home together unless Kyo is meeting his girlfriend. Die
and Kaoru will go to the pub to have a drink. Shinya will always go home
immediately especially after his break up with Die. Shinya is the one who wants
the break up but somehow he still feels the pain inside him. Was it that he
still have feeling for Die or…?
----------------------------------------
The Dir en grey members will be going
abroad to shot their latest Pv. Once again, they had to go through all sort of
arrangement by the company and will start a busy life again. During the filming
period, everything seem to go back to normal again. Die will sometime make fun
of Shinya and start an argument with him, Kyo will sleep whenever there is any
free time, Toshiya will flirts with Die and Kaoru will always be the one to
stop all the nonsense. Everything seem to go fine now, Kaoru had hope that it
can go on like that and maybe one day, he and Toshiya will be together again.
The filming today had ended earlier.
Kyo was the happiest person in the band now; he can finally go back to the
hotel to have his nap. Kaoru and Shinya had to stay behind to discuss something
related with the filming with the assistant there. It was still early now and
Toshiya had decided to follow Die to a pub nearby which Die had suggested.
**
The pub here was totally different from
the one in Japan. Toshiya was totally attracted to the surrounding until
someone approach him to offer him a drink. The offer seen to be quite normal
for Toshiya as he had often came across this type of incident in Japan when
people had mistaken him as a lady.
“ Darling, what’re you doing here?” Die
said while walking toward Toshiya. The man who was talking to Toshiya turns
around and was immediately scared by Die appearance had made an excuse to get
away.
Toshiya laugh upon seeing this, he
believe that the man must had been thinking that Die must be some kind of
gangster. Stretching his arms out, Toshiya wrap it around Die’s neck and
whisper something in Die’s ear. This pose had actually attracted the people in
the pub to stare at the two man.
“ So darling, what’re we waiting for.”
Toshiya said and pull Die who was wrapping his arm around Toshiya’s waist out
of the pub ignoring the staring from other people.
Once out of the pub, both of them laugh
out loudly. They know that people inside the pub must had think that the two of
them must be lover by the way they had react. After they had cool down, Toshiya
wrap his arm around Die’s and they start to proceed to some other restaurant to
have their dinner which is what Toshiya had whisper to Die in the pub saying
that he is hungry.
**
Kaoru was on his way back to the hotel
room after his dinner, he was wondering where Toshiya had gone to. Just as the
door of the lift was about to close, it reopen again and standing outside was
Toshiya and Die whose was giggling about something. Jealousy has fill Kaoru,
Toshiya has been avoiding him so much but how come he and Die could laugh and
joke like that. Kaoru can see the change of mood in Toshiya when he see Kaoru.
Is it because he hated me!? I don’t want it to happen…!! Why!? Toshiya…!
The lift became silent, Die notice the
change of atmosphere and decides to start a conversation. He know that upon
from work, Toshiya will not talk to Kaoru unless necessarily but he was
wondering why is it that Kaoru also become quiet once of a sudden. ‘Is it
because of his existing?’
------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------
The filming had finally ended, the
members of Dir en grey had returned to Japan and will start their practice once
again. Kyo was complaining of not having enough rest but was of course ignored
by the other members who know that Kyo will never have enough rest because what
he really mean was not having enough time for his sleeping.
**
Shinya glared at Toshiya who was
hanging around Die, he know that he has nothing to do with Die now and he has
no right to feel angry or what, but he just feel jealous. ‘Yes jealous and very
angry with Toshiya for flirting around Die. Why is he having all this feeling?
Isn’t he the one who wants to break up with Die and now why is he having all
this feeling? Why!?
Kaoru could not take his sight off Die
and Toshiya. They had been flirting with one another more since they return
from their trip. After the practice end, Kyo has suggests that they will have
dinner together and they agreed.
It has been a long time since they have
dinner together. Die has suggested going to an old restaurant near the studio
where they use to go. The sake there was Die favorite and also the food there
was marvelous. They were having a good time in the restaurant, having lots of
sake and chatting about the past when they had not been that famous.
After the meal, Kaoru and Shinya who was living in the same
direction when home together while the rest of them went to the opposite
direction. On the way home, Kyo went to see his girlfriend leaving Toshiya and
Die behind. The time is still early, Toshiya suggest going for some drinks and
they go to the pub that they often go.
Same thing happen to Toshiya again,
people had thought that he is lady and had offer him drink. Die and Toshiya was
drinking and chatting all the way until it was past midnight. Die was a bit
drunk, he know he had to be awake to get Toshiya back. Toshiya was totally
drunk and was now lying down lazily on the table.
“ Has to go now, wake up Toshiya!” Die
tries to wake Toshiya up but he give up after some try. He was glad that he is
strong enough to carry Toshiya up. “
Oh, you’re heavier than Shinya.”
**
Die was too lazy to sent Toshiya back
to his apartment, therefore he too Toshiya home with him. Die wake Toshiya up
when the car reach Die’s place but Die has regret it. Toshiya was totally drunk
and was now behaving like a spoiled child. Die has to make sure that Toshiya
will not wake his neighbors by covering his mouth.
“ OW! Fxxk! How dare you bit my hand.”
“ Oh… I WANT TO FLY… HAHA LALALALA.”
“ Shut up Toshiya! Before the police is
being called.”
Die covers Toshiya’s mouth again and
open the apartment door with the other hand. Carrying Toshiya up and throw him
to his bed before Die when back to close the door.
“ It hurt!” Toshiya protest and sit up
of the bed.
Die walk to Toshiya and put a cold
towel on his head before proceeding to take his bath. When Die came out of the
bathroom, he could not find Toshiya on the bed. “ Toshiya!” Not before long,
Die could hear sound coming from the kitchen and know where Toshiya might be.
“ TOSHIYA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY
KITCHEN!!”
“ I’m hungry. Hahaha and I see a fish
FLYING AH HELP THERE GHOST IN THE …!?”
Die could not stand it anymore, he
cover his hand on Toshiya mouth to prevent him from shouting but was reward by
another bit. “ OW!” Die pushed Toshiya against the wall and before he can said
another word, Die keep his lip firmly occupied with his own. The act was
successful as Toshiya finally shut up. Die move away from Toshiya but was pull
back by his arm where their lips once meet again.
Their position remain for quite some
time before Toshiya starts to move away but Die stop him from moving this time.
Die pull Toshiya back and took advantage of Toshiya’s open mouth. Letting his
tongues to enter Toshiya’s mouth to taste it, Toshiya tries to pull away but
soon lose to Die strong grip before their tongues sparred and clashed together.
Toshiya groaned when Die trail a line
of wet, sucking kisses down the column of the throat. He close his lips over
the flesh and suck hard till he felt the warm flush of blood rising to the
surface of the pale skin, leaving a dark, mottled bruise. Toshiya was writhing
against him now, his breath coming in ragged, panting gasps.
Die leads Toshiya to the bedroom and
put him onto the bed. Slowly, he removes Toshiya’s clothes while kissing
Toshiya’s neck. When Die move his head lower, latching his mouth onto the
nipple, Toshiya’s whole body jerked upward and he cried out at the feel of the
warm tongues laving the tender peak. Die work slowly down Toshiya’s body until
he reach the now already harden length, he bend his head nearer to it and began
to suck on it. Toshiya protest when Die teasingly licked around his length and
cries out when he finally come.
Die aching member could not wait
anymore, he push open Toshiya’s leg and slowly, he insert his member into
Toshiya. Biting his lip, Toshiya could felt Die entering him, stretching him
wider until there was a sudden, unexpected give, and fully half of the thick
shaft drove past his opening.
Toshiya scream in ecstasy when Die
start to thrust in and out with hard, deep penetrating strokes. When he was
about to come, Die gave a strangled cry and plunged forward a final time,
burying himself completely in the enveloping heat and tightness as his own
climax erupted forth. After he had done, Die move beside Toshiya and both of
them fall asleep soon.
**
The phone rang again, Die was totally
annoy by it and try to reach out for the phone that is place beside his bed.
But instead of touching the phone, Die feels a warm body and immediately open
his eyes. “ Toshiya!?” The phone had stop ringing by now, Die sit up from his
bed, feeling confused. ‘What should I do now?’
“ Mmm…” Toshiya open his eyes,
stretching his arm and then rub his eyes. “ Die!?”
Toshiya sit up from the bed, realizing
what had happen last night from his naked and aching body. But he did not
expect it to be with Die. How was he going to faced Shinya now? And Kaoru…? Why
must I think of all this, Shinya and Die had break up for quite some time. As
for Kaoru, he had nothing to do with me anymore! Not anymore!!
“ Good morning!”
“ Good morning, Die!”
“ Toshiya… I … actually… I… “
Toshiya know what Die was actually
trying to said. ‘ Die must be afraid to let Shinya know about it.’ Although
Toshiya feel sad that he is always a ‘replacement’ for Shinya, but he know that
his friendship with Die is more important than anything else.
“ Just an one night stand, okay!”
“ Toshiya, I’m sorry.”
Die was feeling terribly upset for what
he has done. He should not have done this to Toshiya but he done it and then,
Toshiya had to be the one to make thing easier for him.
---------------------------------------
Die and Toshiya arrival at the practice
room together, they had been late for an hour and Kyo had fallen asleep. Kaoru
was smoking outside the room when they arrival and Shinya was cleaning his drum
set. The practice starts and end as usual, no one had ask why the two of them
was late although both Shinya and Kaoru was distract by this question but they
were really afraid of the answer.
After the practice, Kyo was meeting his
girlfriend; therefore, Toshiya decides to ask Die out for dinner as they live
in the same direction. Toshiya notice the glare given by Shinya but ignore it
as he walk toward Die to ask him. Knowing that there will be nothing between
him and Die, Toshiya feel that he should act as normal as usual.
“ Die, how’s about dinner together?”
“ Mmm… sorry but I think I’ve something
on. Maybe next time.”
“ Well it’s okay.”
Toshiya left the room after that, going
home straight without noticing that there is something unusual about Die. Soon
after that day, Toshiya finally realized that Die was actually trying to avoid
him. Die had hurt Toshiya’s feeling by doing this. Toshiya was trying his best
to keep their friendship by acting as normal as usual although he did mind
about what had happen that day. ‘Why are you doing this to me, why!?’
**
Kaoru and Toshiya had not been talking
much, Shinya and Die has not too. Kyo is always the one who will have to start
the conversation first. What had happen to Toshiya and Die? Why they stop
flirting with one another once of a sudden? Kyo had been longing to know the
answer for this two question but he dare not ask.
“ I HAD ENOUGH! WHAT IS ACTUALLY
HAPPENING TO OUR BAND!?” Kyo exclaim all of a sudden. “ What will happen if it
continue to be like this? DISBAND!!?”
“ Kyo?” Toshiya was the only one who
speaks out.
“ I had enough, it all because of you!
Nothing like that had happen before you join.”
“ …” Toshiya was stunned by what Kyo
had said, moving a few step back, tears that had been hold up by him all this
time finally roll down his cheek.
“ KYO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE
SAYING!?” Kaoru shouted at Kyo who realized what he had just say out and
immediately felt regret about it.
“ TOSHIYA!!”
Die yell out when Toshiya dash out of
the room suddenly. Kyo fall down on his knee, Shinya looking worrying at Kaoru
while Die had already go after Toshiya before Kaoru. Kaoru wanted to go but he
know Toshiya will never listen to him now.
**
Toshiya was running like hell before he
was stopped by Die who had got hold of his hand. Die felt his heart ached to
see Toshiya crying like this. ‘Why am I having this feeling? Aren’t I just
treating him as a friend? Why do I have the same feeling for him like I have
for Shinya when I see Shinya cry?’
This entire question had surround Die’s
mind before he notice that he had already hold Toshiya tightly in his arms.
Toshiya could feel warm in Die’s arm and hug him more tightly. This is the
feeling that Toshiya had last for quite a long time even when he is with Kaoru.
“ Please don’t cry, I don’t want to see
you cry.” Die speaks up when he know that Toshiya had cool down a little bit. “
Kyo must be mad to say this. You should know he’ll say anything when he’s
angry.”
“ I know but…”
“ I killed him if he really mean it.”
“ You won’t.” Toshiya finally stop
crying when he hears that knowing that Die was cheering him up.
Toshiya move away from Die when he
realized he is hugging Die, he was happy that Die did care for him.
Surprisingly, Die pull Toshiya back and hug him even tighter.
“ Die!?”
“ Be with me!” Die said suddenly. “ Be
my lover!”
“ …”
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Part 3 (final)
[Be with me! Be my lover!]
Toshiya could not sleep although he is
really tired. He had been thinking again and again what Die had said to him.
Finally, he smiles when an arm wraps around his body. Die had woken up after a
short nap and had find Toshiya still awake. Giving Toshiya a kiss on the
forehead before pulling Toshiya closer to him and hug him in his arm before
both of them fall asleep together.
*
Toshiya enter Kyo’s apartment, he had
to came back to change his clothes before going to the studio. Die was waiting
for him in the car because Toshiya did not want Die to follow him up. Toshiya
open the door quietly, afraid that he might wake Kyo up and than walk directly
to his room without making any noise.
“ Toshiya.” Toshiya almost jump up to
the unexpected call.
“ Kyo. You’re awake.”
“ Toshiya, I need to talk to you.”
Kyo had apologizes to Toshiya for what
he had said yesterday and was glad that Toshiya was not angry with him. Toshiya
was surprise when he knows that Kyo had not sleep for the whole night to wait
for him. He know that Kyo must be damn regret for what he had said, therefore
he had give up his sleeping time to wait for Toshiya to apologize.
**
The three of them arrival at the
studio; where Kaoru and Shinya were already there. Shinya finally set down his
mind when he see Kyo and Toshiya talking to each other and was sure that they
had made up.
“ Good morning!” Shinya say to the three
of them.
“ Good morning!”
Toshiya suddenly felt uneasy to face
Shinya. What is he going to do when Shinya find out his relationship with Die
now. ‘ I can’t tell him this! I can’t tell Shinya that Die and I had become
lover!’ Toshiya just didn’t want Shinya to know about it even though Die and
Shinya had broke up long ago. He just did not want ‘them’ to know.
--------------------------------------------------
Kaoru stare into the night street that
could be seen from his apartment. Puffing out the smoke from his cigarette,
Kaoru take up his hand phone again. He wanted to call Toshiya but give up the
thought again and again. He was afraid that Toshiya might reject him again. He
know that he had hurt Toshiya’s feeling in the past but he is serious now. ‘I
love you Toshiya!’ ‘Please give me another chance and I will prove it to you.’
“ Just tell him this, tell him whatever
that is in my heart!” Kaoru said to himself before dialing Toshiya’s number.
“ Yes, it Die here. Is that you Kaoru?”
Kaoru was upset and jealous to hear Die answering Toshiya’s phone. “ I get to
see your name display out so I answer for Toshiya. He’s in the toilet now.”
“ Nothing actually, just to remind him
for the photo shot tomorrow and you too.”
“ I think he’ll remember.”
“ Well, goodbye then.”
“ Bye!”
*
‘Damn it, why is Die always with him?’
Kaoru curse when he hand up the phone. He knows that he could not sleep so
early; therefore he decides to go out for some drink.
--------------------------------------------
Shinya arrival at the studio to find
that someone had arrival earlier than him and he ensures that to be Kaoru.
Shinya open the door and was about to greet Kaoru but what he saw next was
totally unexpected by him.
“ SHINYA!?” Toshiya gasped and pull
away from Die.
“ I’m…” Shinya said. “ Just that….”
Shinya was totally dumb by now. Never
did he expect to see Die hugging and kissing someone else and the ‘someone’
would be Toshiya. He had never expect it as Die once told him that he will
never touch Toshiya because Toshiya is his best friend lover. ‘ Oh yeah, stupid
Shinya to think that Die will always be yours even though you ditch him. You
think that he will wait for you! Hahaha… Now he had Toshiya already.’
“ Shinya, we actually….” Toshiya tries
to explain when he sees Shinya shock reaction.
“ I… I understand. Anyway Die and I had
nothing to do with each other anymore. It good that you two can be together.”
Shinya force himself to said out. “ You need not explain anything to me.”
*
“ Die, have you regret?” Toshiya ask
suddenly when they’re on their way back to Die’s apartment.
“ Toshiya, what are you trying to said?
Shinya have nothing to do with me anymore. We’ve broken up long ago.” Die stops
his car on the roadside while saying this. “ You’re my lover now!”
“ Don’t you have anymore feeling for
Shinya?”
“ Yes, but only for you now!” Die pulls
Toshiya nearer and kisses him on the lip knowing that Toshiya might be feeling
insecure now. “ I love you, Totchi!”
--------------------------------------------
Kaoru was in his car waiting for
Toshiya to return. He want to tell Toshiya everything, tell him that he had
never treat Toshiya as Shinya replacement, tell Toshiya that he love him. He
had been thinking through all this question of treating Toshiya as Shinya
replacement but he realized that he only treat Shinya as his brother when he
had be with Toshiya. It was only his love of care for Shinya and Toshiya was
the one he love and the only one now.
It was past midnight when Kaoru saw the
light of a car driving into the carpark. He recognize that car, it was Die’s.
Toshiya get down of the car while Die walk to him and give him a kiss. Die
holds Toshiya longer for the kiss when Toshiya want to pull away but give in to
Die later.
Kaoru clutch his finger and wait for
Die to leave. He did not want to face Die now or he might kill him in anger.
Toshiya walks to the lift when Kaoru got hold of his arm.
“ Ah…!” Toshiya exclaim. “ Kaoru!?”
“ I have something to tell you.”
Toshiya could see sadness and anger in Kaoru’s eyes. He ensures that Kaoru had
seen everything that happens just now.
------------------------------------------------
Toshiya sits still in Kaoru’s car. He
could not believe his own ears, could not believes what Kaoru had say to him.
‘Why didn’t he told me earlier? I had prayed everyday to hear all this word
from him but he never say to me. Why must you wait until now? If you had told
me earlier, if it’s earlier!’ Toshiya’s mind was totally surrounded by his own
thought, he felt his heart melted when Kaoru told him that he love him but
Toshiya could not go back to Kaoru anymore; not when his heart is taken up by
Die.
**
Kyo arrival at the studio with Toshiya
and Die who had went to fetch them. Die had notice Toshiya swollen eyes but did
not ask him the reason with the present of Kyo. Kaoru was already there but
Shinya has not arrival which was unexpected by the others as Shinya will always
arrival early.
The members wait for an other half an
hour before Kaoru make a phone call to ensure that Shinya is alright. Die looks
worried as Shinya had not been late before, he was afraid that Shinya had meet
some accident or because of the ‘incident’ that happen yesterday. ‘No, he can’t
be jealous. He’s the one who ditch me anyway.’
Toshiya felt his heart tense up when he
saw the expression of Die. He could not held himself for thinking something
foolish; like Die still love Shinya!? Trying to convince himself that Die is
only worried for Shinya as a friend, Toshiya walk outside the room to have some
fresh air and stop himself for that ‘foolish’ thought.
Kaoru follow Toshiya outside after he
get to contact Shinya, knowing that Shinya was already on his way to the
studio. Kaoru stand beside Toshiya who was lying his body on the pole beside
the staircase. He wants to know the answer from Toshiya, the answer for the
question he had ask Toshiya yesterday night.
[Return to my side, we can start all
over again. Toshiya, I love you! Please, be my lover again!]
Toshiya blush when he notices that he
is alone with Kaoru now. He remembers what Kaoru had told him yesterday but he
can’t be with him anymore. Toshiya nod to Kaoru before walking away, giving the
answer to Kaoru by his retreat.
“ Why!? Toshiya, tell me?” Kaoru say
while pulling Toshiya back refusing to let the struggling Toshiya go.
“ Let go of me!” Toshiya exclaim. “ You
should know that I’m Die’s lover now!”
“ That means that you’ll return to me
if not because of Die?
“ …” Toshiya stop struggling when he
heard what Kaoru had said. “I’m…”
“ So it’s truth, it because of Die.”
Kaoru demand. “ Answer me! Am I right!?”
Kaoru had hit the point, he words had
stunned and make Toshiya realized the reason for his confusing. ‘Kaoru was
right; I do love Die but not as much as my love for Kaoru. I’m happy when Kaoru
told me his feeling but I just can’t leave Die like this. I can’t do it because
I do not wish to lose Die; he’s an important friend to me.’ Upon realizing
this, Toshiya decide to make thing clear to Kaoru. ‘Just tell him that I can’t
leave Die because I ‘love’ him.’
“ Let go of me!!” Toshiya shout all of
a sudden. “I love Die and I will not leave him!”
“ YOU’RE TELLING LIE!!” Kaoru could not
hold his anger anymore. “ You can’t just hide your feeling like this!”
“ LET GO…”
Kaoru hug Toshiya in his arms and force
kisses on him. Toshiya struggled to get free but his is not as strong as Kaoru;
he was about to give in when a large force pull Kaoru away. Die gives Kaoru a
punch on the face sending him onto the floor before Kaoru stand up and get into
a fight with Die.
“ Stop it now!” Toshiya exclaim while
trying to separate the two of them. “ AH…!!!!”
Kaoru and Die stop when they hear the
scream. They will totally stunned when they realized that they had accidentally
push Toshiya down the staircase. Things get worse when they saw Shinya walking
up the staircase; they tries to stop Shinya but it was too late. Toshiya fall
down the staircase knocking Shinya down with him and both of them land onto the
ground floor together.
“ TOSHIYA!!” Kaoru shouted.
“ SHINYA!!” Die rush down together with
Kaoru.
*
They had seen to be more relaxed when
they notice that both of them were still conscious. Toshiya was sure that he
had heard Die shouting Shinya’s name instead of his. It was human natural to
worry for the one they love at emergency moment; Toshiya finally felt himself
feeling relaxed to know that Die actually care for Shinya more than him. It
shows that Die still love Shinya and maybe they could get back together again
because Toshiya could feel that Shinya still have feeling for Die. Toshiya
smile when he saw how worried Kaoru was before he fall unconscious.
“ TOSHIYA!?”
---------------------------------------------
It was lucky for Shinya that he had
just suffered some small cuts on his hand and leg. Toshiya was not as lucky as
Shinya; he had injured his head during the fall and had to undergo some x-rays
to ensure that he is alright. The doctor had allow Shinya to go home after
applying the medicine and Die was ask to sent him home.
*
Die felt guilty toward Toshiya but he
did not wish to hide his feeling anymore. Shinya know it’s unfair to Toshiya
but he just want to be with Die again; he want to start all over again with
Die.
The next morning, Shinya wake up to
find Die staring at him; he blush and greeted Die. Die suddenly grabs Shinya
and hugs him lovingly in his arms before planting kisses on him. Die had made
up his mind; he had to tell Toshiya and accept any reprimand from him. ‘I might
lose one friend but it had to be done if I want to be with Shinya again!’
“ Die, we’ll do anything for Toshiya if
he could forgive us.” Shinya said while moving away from Die.
“ Yes, anything!”
“ We have to go to the hospital now.”
Shinya said before giving Die another hug.
-------------------------------------------------
When they arrival at the hospital,
Toshiya had already woken up and Kaoru was accompanying him. The doctor had
said that Toshiya would be fine as there is no sign of injure on the head and
he can be discharge from the hospital tomorrow. Toshiya had notice the dark
eyes ring on Kaoru; he knew that Kaoru must have been accompanying him when he
was unconscious. Toshiya look up at Die and then Shinya; he could feel that
they had been together again.
“ Shinya, are you alright?” Toshiya
asked.
“ Yes, just a few small cuts. It’ll be
fine soon.”
“ That’s good!”
Shinya felt his heart beating fast.
‘He’s so concern about you; how’s you going to tell him that you had snatch his
boyfriend away when he is lying unconscious here.’ Shinya tensed up by this
thought and held on Die’s hand harder. ‘I’m sorry!!’
**
Toshiya had discharge from the hospital
and Kaoru had insisted him to stay with him so that he could take care of him.
Toshiya agree, as he knows it will be a good chance to have everything say out
with Die, Kaoru and Shinya. They just have to spill out everything in their
heart.
*
“ Die, don’ t you have something to
tell me?”
Die look up at Toshiya and tense up by
his sudden question. How is he going to said out!? Die look at Shinya and
finally find his courage to speak up with Shinya holding on his hand.
“ Toshiya, I’m sorry but I had to tell
you that I want to be with Shinya. I realized how important he is to me when he
fell down the stair; I’m afraid he will leave me. I love him.” Die finally
spills out everything.
“ I know it’s unfair to you but please;
please forgive him. Scold me if it let you feel better.” Shinya added.
“ I’ll kill myself if you ditch me
now!”
Everyone was stunned by what Toshiya
had said. Kaoru felt himself tense up. ‘Does Toshiya love Die that much!?’
Shinya almost cries out and Die felt so guilty that he wish to jump off the
building now.
“ Hahaha, I’m just joking.” Toshiya
laugh out when he see their expression.
“ That’s not funny!” Kaoru exclaim with
jealously.
“ Nah, the atmosphere was so mean just
now.” Toshiya said with a smile before turning to face Die. “ I’ve something to
tell you.”
“ What’s is it?”
“ I should be the one to say sorry to
you; I still have feeling for Kaoru ever since I’m with you.” Toshiya said
seriously. “ I can’t forget him even though I’ve break up with him. I love
him!”
“ You slut! How dare you do it to me!”
Die laugh out after seeing Toshiya’s
expression; Kaoru and Shinya follows when they know that Die was making fun of
Toshiya for revenge. They had not been joking like this for a long time and
they had almost forget about it. Maybe Dir en grey will return to ‘normal’
again!
------------------------------------------
---------------------------------
“ Kaoru, can’t you just move faster;
you old man!”
“ Why don’t you help out then!”
“ You’re the one who ask me to move to
your apartment!”
Shinya laugh; he had not been feeling
this happy for a long time. Die and Kaoru was busy with carrying Toshiya’s
stuff up to Kaoru’s apartment while Shinya and Toshiya just relaxed and
chatting with each other. Kyo was no where to be found and they know that he
might have been sleeping somewhere or maybe he was carry away by the lorry
which sent Toshiya’s stuff here just now.
*
Shinya and Toshiya were preparing
dinner; Kaoru and Die had just finished their bath and was waiting for the
dinner. The door bell rang; Kaoru answer it to find Kyo standing outside.
“ YOU GUYS NEVER WAKE ME
UP!!!!!!!” (their guessing are right,
Kyo had been carry away by the lorry)
-----------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
“ Toshiya, one more time please!?”
“ No, it hurt!”
“ But I’ve not done with it!”
“ Tomorrow!”
“ I’ll be death by then!”
“ Then I’ll find another boyfriend!”
“ TOTCHI!!!”
(Imagine for yourself what they are
talking about!!! ^_^; )
~ owari ~