Desperate Being…

Part six

 

Die would never believe his old lover personality will change so much if it was not he had see it himself. Just few months ago Die meet Kisaki who had just came back from oversea in this pub. He did not expect Kisaki to come up to him and chat with him and from his speech and movement, Die realize the change in the man. The once quiet and reserve Kisaki had become… well the man that sitting beside Die now.

 

Kisaki finally stop his teasing, he sits back properly and take a slip of his beer before he start speaking. Knowing the limit of his ex-lover before Die might storm out of his sight for his over teasing. Sometime Kisaki had been thinking that if he would have know Die better when they were together, they might not have break up. He admit he once hate Die for ditching him but after thinking through, Kisaki finally understand it was not all totally Die fault, maybe he did not give in enough for this relationship and it finally cause a break line between him and Die.

 

During that time Kisaki had put most of his time on the band and had spend too little time with Die. Die was someone who put relationship in front of work and all this had lead to Die falling in love with Kaoru. Maybe there is once when his heart was in such pain that he thought he might die, he hate, he cry for this man but everything was over now. Kisaki know he would still be Die friend when they meet again.

 

Everyone might see Die as a flirt but after knowing him thoroughly, one would know he was just a silly fool who take love as top of his world. He would not let other know it easily and Kisaki finally understand him but only after he had let go of this relationship.

 

Kisaki let out a smile and put his arm around Die neck whispering something to him. “ I think I had fall in love with you again.” The next second Die spilt out his beer from his mouth before he hear Kisaki laughing frantically beside him. “ I’m just joking… ha… ha… ha…”

 

Die wipes the liquid from his shirt narrowing his eyebrow. “ Kisaki it not funny and if you DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME, I AM LEAVING NOW!” He stands up with his last word and was about to leave when Kisaki pull him back. “ You better have something SERIOUS to say.” He glared at Kisaki while sitting back.

 

The teasingly expression on Kisaki face finally smooth down, he know Die would storm out immediately if he still keep teasing him. “ Well it’s about Shinya.”

 

“ Shinya?” Die was starting to get puzzle. “ What’s wrong with him?” He did not see anything wrong with the drummer, or did anything happen to him during these two days when they were not having band practice. 

 

Kisaki starts telling Die that few days ago he get a call from the drummer but the man hang up the moment Kisaki answer the call. He did not expect Shinya would call the number again because he had not been using it since long ago. He decide to call back as it was quite odd for the drummer to hang up his call like this but the line was engaged.

 

“ You mean you can’t get through his line but then what can I do for you if it like this?” Die was bewilder because Kisaki can just try calling other day unless… “ Don’t tell me his line was still engaged now?”

 

Did something really happen to the drummer? Die starts getting panic. What if Shinya really get into some accident during this two-day and no one know about it? Wait, did Kisaki mention it happened few days ago but I just see Shinya two days ago and he is still roaming healthily in from of us during the band practice so it can’t be it. Die was still having all sort of wild thinking flowing in his mind, at this moment he had totally forget his own problem and was getting worry sick for his friend.

 

“ I did not try calling him after trying once.” Kisaki let out a sigh knowing Die must have let his thinking go wild by seeing his expression wavering from worry to shock to relief. This is what Die is, a man who would get extremely worry for someone if that person were someone he care for.

 

“ You what…?” Die was dumbfounded for a moment, he thought Kisaki could not located the drummer and was asking for his help but now that he say… Die does not understand this time.

 

“ Don’t start to fuss up, I am not trying to say Shinya is in some sort of trouble or what…” Kisaki cut into Die word before the man start making any wild conclusion. “ I’m just wanted to know is he’s well now… how’s he doing in the band…”

 

After hearing what Kisaki sound muttering to him, Die find it weird because to what he still remember Shinya and Kisaki relationship was the best when Kisaki was still in the band, why can’t Kisaki ask Shinya himself but his doubt was soon clear after hearing Kisaki explanation.

 

Shinya might be just too surprise to hear his voice again not expecting Kisaki would answer his call out of a sudden from a number he had not been using for so long. Kisaki wanted to call back when Shinya hangs up but end up with an engage line. Just as he was to try again, something strike his mind and he give up. He was still not ready to face the younger man.

 

Kisaki already knows Shinya have special feeling for him during the time he and Die was lover, after they break up he was totally disappointed of relationship. Knowing that if he chooses to stay, Shinya might express his love one day, Kisaki was afraid that if he were to accept him, will Shinya become just a replacement of Die? He does not want to hurt Shinya therefore he runs away.

 

“ So what’s your feeling for Shinya now?”

 

Kisaki hesitated for a while. “ I’m… unsure… that’s why I say I’m not ready to face him.” 

 

Both men went quiet, drinking the beer in front of them while having their own thinking. Die felt upset for the drummer, what kind of pain has the man gone through during this two years when he and Kaoru was enjoying their new relationship and Shinya was keeping all his emotion to himself.                    

 

Die felt guilty and sorry for Shinya, if it weren’t him maybe Kisaki and Shinya would have been together but mostly…  Die seems to remember something. “ Kisaki… I’m sorry…” Die was guiltier toward his ex-lover, he had not give a proper apologize to Kisaki even after they met up recently.

 

Kisaki remain quiet but Die had seen a smile appear on the man face, he knows Kisaki had accepted his apologize. “ Thank you.” Die was grateful to Kisaki.

 

 “ It’s not totally your fault… sometime we can’t just blame one side for a relationship.” Kisaki wink at Die.

 

It been more than 2 years but it seem to them that they just have everything speak out from their mind at this moment. From now on they will become friend, really good friend. After knowing that Shinya was doing well in the band, Kisaki was happy for him. Maybe soon he will look up for the drummer but now he just want to let thing goes on as usual.

 

Both men chat for a while and Kisaki soon notice Die seem to be in some sort of dilemma but he did not ask anything because he know Die would tell him if he want to. Die soon wanders off into his own thinking until he see a familiar figure appearing at the entrance of the pub. His eyes widen as he has a clear view of that person.

 

Kaoru?

 

“ Hmm… you’ve asked Kaoru along?” Kisaki asked when he follows Die’s sight and see the man. “ Oh is that the new bassist?” Kisaki saw another man appear behind Kaoru, he remember seeing that man when he see the news of the band after he left.

 

What is Toshiya doing with Kaoru here?

  

 

 

From the moment Kaoru step into the pub he had saw his lover sitting with his ex-lover drinking and chatting at the bar counter. Kaoru felt a pinch on his heart with the fact now standing behind him was another person who also has intimate relationship with Die. Kaoru let out a chuckle more likely a bitter one, wasn’t this the past, present and future lover of Die appearing together?

 

Kaoru was roaming down the street earlier on when he see the bassist sitting in an ice-cream stall looking motionlessly at the melted cup of ice-cream in front of him. He decides to walk pass the man but the next moment their eyes met and it ended up with now Kaoru and Toshiya coming to the pub together.

 

Die… and isn’t that Kisaki? Toshiya was following Kaoru sight and was surprise to see Die with another man, immediately he remembers the other man was their previous bassist Kisaki. What is Die doing with Kisaki, his ex here? Did Kaoru know they still contact each other? Toshiya was confound knowing Kaoru was still angry with Die because of the ‘drunk incident’ and now what will Kaoru feel to see Die with his ex.

 

“ Shall we go to another place?” Toshiya decides to back out before anything might happen but soon he nearly slaps himself for asking this stupid question because if Kaoru really leave isn’t it mean he had get mad at Die.

 

Realizing the tense atmosphere Kisaki decides to break the ice between the other men. “ Hi how have you been Kaoru?” He approached his previous bandmate greeting the man before winking at the younger man. “ You must be Toshiya? You look prettier than in the picture!” Kisaki grip onto Toshiya hands within second and pulled him together with Kaoru toward Die. “ Come join us.”

 

Kaoru follow quietly while Toshiya was still trying to get over his daze about Kisaki over outgoingness. He remembers from what he was been told once that Kisaki was a reserve person? Or did he remember wrongly? Anyway it not what he should worry about now Toshiya was already standing in front of Die when he realize.      

 

The four men sits together ordering each a glass of beer, stillness arouses. Toshiya was sitting beside Kaoru and Die was right in front of Kaoru. The bassist steal a glance at Die, the man was looking at his lover wanted to say something but seem that Kaoru keeps on looking away.

 

Kisaki watch the three men and give out a cough before speaking. “ Toshiya, mind I call you by your name?” Kisaki continue when Toshiya give him a smile nodding his head. They start chatting from whatever north to south, in between Die and Kaoru join in the chat finally breaking the stillness around them.

 

 

 

“ I still think this brand is better…” Toshiya and Kisaki were still arguing over which brand of lip gross is better. “ No, the x brand is better and it still taste like orange.” Kisaki added and move his lip toward Toshiya wanted to prove his saying. “ Can you smell it… you ah…” Kisaki was being pulled back by Die.

 

“ Stop it!” Die was frowning and Kaoru was trying to hold back his laughter. They were now standing outside the pub and both the bassist has not finish their arguing. Just two hours ago they were still stranger and now they were like old friend arguing over small thing. “ Do you want the newspaper headline appearing tomorrow saying the old and new bassist of dir en grey kissing on the street?” Don’t they realize how intimate they were now?

 

“ You jealous huh?” Kisaki winked at Toshiya. “ Toshiya and I are going to another pub and there is no place for you lover.” Kisaki put his arm around Toshiya and pull the laughing man with him. “ Bye… bye.” Toshiya wave goodbye to them and follow his new buddy.

 

Sweatdrop. “ Don’t get drunk!” Die yelled at them before they vanished down the street. Kaoru rub his forehead. Don’t bring bad my bassist boy Kisaki. Die turn back to his lover not missing the look on the man face. “ Don’t worry I promised I will pack and send Kisaki to Africa by DHL if he teach something NOT NECESSARY to Toshiya.”

 

Kaoru broke into laughter. “ I’ll pay half of the expense.”

 

Die broke into laughter hearing what his lover had said. “ Shall I send you home? My car is over there.” Die asked after their laughter stops, he felt his tenseness smooth down when Kaoru finally nodded his head after considering a while. “ I mean our home.” Die added, hoping it won’t change Kaoru mind upon hearing it.

 

Kaoru remain silent.

 

“ It quite late now, I mean… hmm… it late now and our home is nearer, I mean we can go back…” Die anxiety transpire and he finally give up moment later. “ Well I send you back to your parents place.” He gave a sigh and walks to his car.

 

“ It late now I don’t want to wake my parents.” Kaoru speaks suddenly and walk pass Die who was standing still when he hear what his lover had say. “ What are you still waiting for?” Kaoru ask standing beside the car door.

 

Die let out a grin and run towards his car.

 

 

TBC~

By Tsmr

 

[01/01/07]