Just because Die gets to know you earlier and I had to be the one
suffering now. Toshiya glower at Die and Kaoru as the pair was happily chatting
while the band was waiting for their turn to take their picture. The others was
aware of their leader and Die relationship, the two had become lover since
their previous bassist decide to get out of the love triangle, he had given up
Die. Toshiya does not know it then and he had fell madly in love with their
leader only then he gets to know their relationship. Nearly Toshiya broke down
at that time. He had bring up all his gut to tell Kaoru his feeling that day
and all Kaoru tell him was, I cannot accept your love because I already have
a lover. Just simple sentences, it meant to back off Toshiya and mean good
to the bassist not to waste his time on Kaoru. All this was what Kaoru believe
but he never know how much hurt he had given the bassist.
It doesn’t matter Kaoru, just let me be by your side. You
need not love me nor return my love, just let me be with you. Kaoru frown as he hears what the bassist had said. NO! Just
a word, Kaoru rejected the bassist. How could he do so? If he had allowed
Toshiya to do so, not only that he is hurting the bassist, he would also be
unfaithful to his lover. Sorry Toshiya but I can never return your love. This
sentence was the worse thing Toshiya had heard from Kaoru, it means that he was
not even given a chance.
Kaoru cruel meant good for Toshiya, he understand but he could not
accept Kaoru words, not that he was now madly in love with the man. What is so good
about Die? He had dump Kisaki for you but who know he may also do the same
thing to you for another guy? Die is a flirt who does not worth you Kaoru.
Toshiya felt his body tremble as he remember of what he had heard from Kyo
about Die previous relationship with Kisaki.
“ Are you alright?”
Toshiya regain himself looking at Shinya who was talking to him,
the drummer had just finish his shot. Toshiya gave the man a smile representing
that he is alright and excuse himself for his turn to take the photo. Shinya
eyes on Toshiya until the man disappeared into the studio room and his eyes
focus on the pair of lover who was still chatting happily all the while. The
drummer narrows his eyebrow looking away from the pair.
Do you really want to leave the band? Shinya was crying as he confirm with their previous bassist when
he get to know the news from Kaoru that Kisaki was leaving the band. Sorry
Shin-chan, I know I promise to bring the band into major but now I can no
longer stay here. Every second here was hurting me like hell. Shinya
understand what Kisaki mean but he really want the man to stay or at least let
him leave with Kisaki but he was being rejected. You should stay in this
band it has a good future Shinya. Shinya did not leave the band after Kisaki
left because the band was the only thing he and Kisaki once have together.
I hated you Die. You’ve hurt Kisaki deeply and I’ll never
forgive you for this.
Shinya felt his eyes watered as he reflects of the passed. Kisaki
left the band and it had been almost two years but they never contact each
other. You want to forget Die, the man who hurt you deeply and you choose to
forget everything that come to contact with him and that’s included me. Was I
right Kisaki?
The laughing sound bring Shinya back to attention once again, he
stared at Die and Kaoru and felt his hatred increase. He did not know was
Kisaki still upset over the passed now but he could not forgive Die being so
happy all the while round while his previous lover might be crying in another
place.
Shinya wipe his tear away before the others saw
it and was surprised to see Toshiya standing in front of him when he opens his
eyes. Toshiya seem upset while looking at Shinya. The drummer was doubtful at
first when a warn hand touches his face. “ Why are you crying?” Toshiya asked
in a soft and gently voice.
“ Nothing really.” Shinya know the bassist
would not believe him but was glad that Toshiya did not ask further but just
sat beside him, a way to comfort Shinya and the drummer understand it.
Toshiya was a nice guy to Shinya but it was not
like that in the beginning. The day when the band meet their new bassist after
Kisaki left, Shinya was still finding all sort of excuse just in hope to get
rid of Toshiya and reserve the position for Kisaki though he know it was just
his willful thought cause Kisaki would never come back. He did not succeed of
course and it was for quite some time that Shinya finally accepted Toshiya.
Slowly he realizes the kindness of the man and perhaps he had seen someone
inside Toshiya.
Toshiya gentle was just like someone who is
important to Shinya.
“ Thank you Toshiya.” Toshiya look at the
drummer and gave him a warm smile knowing that Shinya was feeling much better
now.
Toshiya was always having the warm smile and
was always a cheerful person in Shinya eyes therefore what Shinya see that
follow by might be the cause that increases his hate even more for Die and
Kaoru. It had been a few months since the band took their photo for their new
release single and the band was coming back for work after a short break. It
was still early that morning and Shinya arrival at the studio not to expect
hearing the conversation of Kaoru and Toshiya.
“ Toshiya how are you going to understand? I
would never return your love and I would never let you stay by my side.”
“ I don’t care, I really love you Kaoru. Please
give me a chance, I’ll do whatever you ask me to, please Kaoru.”
Shinya hold back his breath. He did not know
Toshiya was in love with Kaoru. He know that the bassist know the relationship
between Die and Kaoru and was still trying to win Kaoru heart even being
rejected and it seem not the first time? He recall that day in the photo
studio, Toshiya was looking upset glancing at Kaoru and Die, now Shinya finally
figure the whole thing.
“ This is the last time I’m telling you.” Kaoru
exclaimed inside the studio was loud enough to be heard outside. “ Stop wasting
your time on me!” Kaoru opens the door and was surprise to see Shinya at the
door but he ignores the drummer and walks away frowning. Toshiya stare at the
drummer in a stun face. “ Shinya…” Toshiya smiled to him but this time fails.
Toshiya knee down and burst out crying. Kaoru
was angry this time, he never yelled at me like that, he must be damn
frustrated at me this time. Toshiya was clutching onto Shinya who had come
forward to comfort him. Shinya felt his heart beating wildly remembered the
same situation that happened years ago.
Why Shinya? Why did Die do this to me? Kisaki was hanging onto Shinya crying when he breaks up
with Die because Die had left him for Kaoru.
Shinya strengthen his hold on Toshiya. He heard
Kisaki cries again from Toshiya. That day, that moment Shinya would never
forget it. Kisaki was in pain and now Toshiya was in pain too and it was all
because of Die and Kaoru again.
“ Kaoru doesn’t want to leave Die but he can’t
stop Die from leaving him.” The sentence burst out from Shinya also stopping
Toshiya sobbing. “ Let me help you Toshiya, let break them up.” Insanity
laughter occurs in Shinya. I want the both of you to suffered the same thing
as Kisaki had suffered.
Maybe even Kaoru himself didn’t know the truth
behind all this. He had believe that he was the main course for breaking Die
previous relationship with Kisaki and was still blaming himself even till now
but the truth was “ It was because Die was tired of his relationship with
Kisaki and was making use of Kaoru to get rid of Kisaki.” Toshiya was shocked
to hear what Shinya had told him. “ Maybe Die really starts falling in love
with Kaoru after some time but it was a lie in the beginning, the reason was
because Die was still out fooling around when he start to be with Kaoru.
You must be wondering how did I know all this?
Of course I know everything about Die because I hate him. I saw him flirting
not only once because I am following him around that time. Why? I do not
understand myself too, I just felt like following him and maybe I can find a
chance to get revenge for Kisaki. Finally I found the chance when he start
flirting, I have the chance to break their relationship as easy as just to let
Kaoru know what kind of man Die is. Something stops me then, an evil thought
had occurred in me. I want Kaoru to suffer the same fate as Kisaki, which was
being ditch by Die. I want Kaoru to suffer the pain because he was partly
responsible for Kisaki misery. I decide to watch the show silently but thing
does not go like what I want because I did not expect Die to have really fell
in love with Kaoru.
“ Shinya are you alright? What are you
thinking?” Toshiya notice that the drummer was into deep thought.
“ Break them up Toshiya!” Shinya had sound harsh, glaring at
Toshiya. “ If you can’t get your happiness then don’t let them get it too.
Destroy their relationship, don’t let either of them get the happiness.”
Part Two
“ Break them up Toshiya.”
Shinya? Toshiya
looks into the man eye only to see anger and determined in it. Shinya was
serious of what he had said and this man was not the same old Shinya Toshiya used
to know. Somehow Toshiya felt a bit of awkwardness at first but soon his desire
overcome him. Shinya was right. If I can’t get what I want then I shall
destroy it myself.
“ What shall I do then?”
“ Seduced Die was the easiest way.” Shinya look
at the bassist, iniquity formed within him.
Seduced Die… I must agree with you because
the same trick was not going to work on Kaoru. Kaoru was too devoted to Die and this was the only way,
which Toshiya was going to do it. Just wait Kaoru, soon you will know Die
doesn’t worthy you at all, he’s just a flirt.
Shinya look at the bassist who was so
determined to do his plan now, guiltiness ascend. I’m sorry Toshiya but I’m
just making used of your desire toward Kaoru to succeed my plan. Shinya
focus on the door when he heard opening sound. You will also lose Kaoru once
you succeed don’t you realize it too. Die was standing at the door and
behind him was Kaoru. “ Good morning.” Die greets and gains a fake smile from
the drummer.
I’m sorry Kaoru. The day after rehearsal Toshiya apologizes to their leader
and promised he will give him up. Kaoru was happy of course believing the
bassist. But everything was just the starting of Shinya plan.
Why are you so happy? Die sees the smile wearing on his lover face and was
curious about it since Kaoru seldom smile like this. “ Our bassist has grown
up.” Toshiya? Die curiosity increased wanted to find out more about it
but Kaoru refused to tell him anything after that. Die pouted pretending to be
unhappy but he know he would never get the answer no matter what he tries if
Kaoru was not going to tell him, soon he give up. Who ask me to have a lover
like you? Die grinned and this time it was Kaoru pouting.
“ What so funny huh?” Interested in knowing
what Die was grinning for.
Die broke into laughter seeing their situation
twist. I’m not going to tell you unless you tell me what is it about
Toshiya. Die said jokingly knowing this will going to annoy Kaoru. “ Fine
forgets it!” Die giggle as he pulls Kaoru into his embrace. Okay I tell you.
He whispered to Kaoru. “ What?” Kaoru blushed.
“ Because you’re cute.” Kaoru blush harder
turning around to protest but his lip met Die’s and they ended up entangle in
kisses.
One-week passes easily follow by another. Kaoru
was still happily thinking that Toshiya had given him up not knowing that this
two week a plan that was going to ruin his relationship with Die is occurring
and it actually came from Kaoru beloved bandmate, the quiet Shinya. Maybe it
was Kaoru himself not realizing that Toshiya was mostly all over Die flirting
with the guitarist and Die was happily entertaining the bassist back. Shinya
see it in his eyes knowing his plan was working.
Just wait Kisaki and when the time comes I’ll let you
know.
Shinya sits at his balcony watching the night sky enjoying the
cool breeze blowing at his face. Soon Toshiya will get Die to dump Kaoru. A
bitter smile appears on his face as he thinks of his plan knowing that it was
going to hurt the bassist too. Toshiya
will hate me but you are more important than anyone Kisaki. He quickly
dumps away his guilt.
He dials the number on his mobile, again. Knowing that the number
was a deadline as he had been dialing the same number for a long time, the
number of Kisaki, which has become a deadline since the day Kisaki left the
band but still Shinya hopes to hear the man voice. Willful thought… Shinya
laughed, at his own stupidest.
“ Moshi… Moshi.” Shinya was stunned to hear someone speaking on
the other side of the phone. The man speaks again when Shinya keeps quiet. “
Shin-chan… is that you?” Shinya recognize that voice. Kisaki? Why? I thought
this line was no longer in used? Shinya do the last thing he can think of,
he press the end button.
“ What’s going on?” Shinya was distorted, muttered to himself.
It was
Kisaki and I have totally no doubt about it. Two years, I’ve been dialing the
same number and it ‘s always a deadline. I thought Kisaki changes his number…
The mobile on Shinya hand starts vibrating out of the sudden
shocking Shinya. He dropped the phone as he tries to see who it was; swiftly he
picked it up and looks at the display. Should he be happy or not because half
of him hope that it was Kisaki whom call him but the other half pray hard that
it wasn’t the man.
“ Toshiya?” Shinya answered.
The man was keeping quiet at first then slowly Shinya could hear
sobbing sound from the man. “ …Shinya… Shinya… what should I… should I do now?”
Toshiya voice was shaking badly as he force out the question.
“ What’s going on?” Shinya become panic hearing his friend crying.
“ Where are you now?”
“ … Shinya I didn’t… didn’t expect…” Toshiya was trying hard to
express his words as he was crying. “ I didn’t expect… to be sleeping with… Die
but now we… have… what should I do…?”
“ Toshiya where are you now?” Shinya frown. This isn’t in his plan
though he once considers of it but give up not wanting to let the bassist
betray his body to Die and now what’s going next? Hearing that they have slept
together and Toshiya was crying over the phone asking what he should do?
“ …Die place.”
Die place? “ Then where’s
Kaoru?” Shinya was surprised.
Toshiya went silent for a while and broke out’ good news’ seeing
from Shinya view. “ Kaoru has run out… when he sees us on bed.” The bassist
begins weeping again. “ Kaoru was… crying… just now. I’ve made him cry did I
Shinya?” Toshiya already known the answered himself just that he wants the
drummer to tell him again that he had hurt Kaoru, the man he loves. Finally
realizing his foolishness.
This time it is Shinya’s turn keeping quiet. What can I say
now? This is what I had expected from the beginning only that I didn’t tell you
or rather say I didn’t want to tell you because I understand you would never do
it if you know you’re going to hurt Kaoru. Selfishness and I’m really sorry
about it.
“ Shinya?”
The drummer did not answered.
Toshiya kept silent.
They hang up the phone.
It wasn’t totally your fault Shinya, I should have realize
what I am doing is going to hurt Kaoru. Toshiya was not that
stupid after all.
Die was following behind Kaoru quietly after a few attempt to stop
his lover but was reward with slaps. Kaoru was heading nowhere, whatever his
feet was bringing him to while his mind had wander off. The scene of his lover
and Toshiya on the bed earlier on was attacking him ruthlessly and his heart
was hurting as much too.
“ Kaoru.” Die decides to tries again. “ Let me explain…” Another
slap land on his face but this time Kaoru stops walking.
“ Do you love Toshiya?” Kaoru asked seriously.
Die considers a second and shakes his head and there comes another
slap. “ You don’t and you sleep with him?” Kaoru was furious this time. “ What
are you taking him for then? A toy or what?” His anger is for the bassist this
time.
Die held his burning face. “ Kaoru?” Confused.
“ Die let me cool down first, stop following me.” Kaoru insisted.
“ Go back now, there’s still something for you to settle.” The man was
referring to Toshiya who was still at Die apartment.
Die returns home soon and find Toshiya still sitting in his
bedroom beside the bed. His eyes were swollen after crying. Now what should he
do Die was thinking. Toshiya forced a smile when he sees Die but soon it faded,
losing control of himself he broke into tears again. Die stood still not
knowing what to do other than comforting the bassist but how was he going to do
so?
“ I’m sorry…” Toshiya muttered between his cries.
Upon hearing it, Die steps follow and embrace the man tightly
knowing he should be the one saying it. “ I’m sorry Toshiya.” Die could
not held but starts blaming him-self for hurting Toshiya. Die held onto the
crying man for some time after Toshiya finally stops, slowly he let go of
Toshiya. “ Are you feeling better?” Die asked concerned.
Toshiya nodded and both men break into stillness.
Die sits down with Toshiya beside the bed staring at the empty
space in front of him thinking what should he say next while Toshiya was remaining
motionless trying to forget the soreness on his body that seem to be getting
worse. He did not know it hurt so much after having sex maybe because he did
not have any before whether it with man or woman. No one would have guessed it.
Toshiya break the silent. “ Die how’s Kaoru?” Guilt ascends as he
asked.
“ He was furious.”
Toshiya was clutching tightly on his shirt. Of course he is. Knowing
he should leave the place now before Kaoru might get back, slowly Toshiya tries
to stand on his feet ignoring the pain on his lower body. “ I think I should be
leaving now.” Die grabs Toshiya’s hand when he hears that stopping the bassist
from leaving knowing that there is still thing they must settle.
Unexpectedly Toshiya lose his balance, “ Ah…” he exclaimed as he
falls hardly on Die who swiftly catches the bassist.
Die holds Toshiya up and notice that the man body was cold. Seeing
that Toshiya wasn’t looking right, as the man face was somehow plain, Die gets
worry. “ You feeling okay?” Toshiya finally gives up moving beside Die resting
his body against the bed, the pain was killing him. “ Die I think I’m dying.”
“ What?”
“ I mean the pain… the pain there.” Toshiya closed his eyes as he
continues. “ I didn’t know it so painfully having sex.”
“ What do you mean you
didn’t know?” Die feels Toshiya head wondering has the bassist catch a cold
whilst something caught his mind. “ You mean you didn’t have sex with a man
before?” He exclaimed surprised, not believing that he was actually touching a
‘virgin’.
Toshiya did not answer and keeps still not wanted to move at all.
“ …God, I didn’t know.” Die was still astonished over the fact
that Toshiya was still ‘pure’. “ Oh… you should have told me. Even with a woman
you should know that you must prepare her before you enter into her…”
Toshiya frown, both from the pain and Die words. “ How would I
know?”
Die was dumbfounded understanding what Toshiya mean. Great, now
what I have done? Touching a totally ‘pure virgin’? No wonder you’re in pain
now, I didn’t even prepared you before I enter… “ Glad that I’ve not kills
you…” Die sighed and stands up carrying Toshiya and places the man on the bed
gently. If it’s Shinya I might have asked but you don’t have any experience
before… Die still doubted about the fact but believe by the condition the
bassist was in now.
“ What are you doing?” Toshiya looked at Die in surprised. “ I’m
going home now.”
“ Quiet and keep still if you don’t want to faint on the road.” Die
moved on the bed and unexpectedly he pulled down Toshiya pant surprising the
man. “ Let me see.” He slowly turns Toshiya over and looks at Toshiya opening,
which was somehow swollen now.
“ What the…” Toshiya was blushing as he protest.
Die ignored the man, carefully and quickly he applies some cream
on the swollen part. “ There, you’ll feels better tomorrow.” Die wipes the
excess cream from his finger and cover the blanket on Toshiya. “ Sleep now and
I’ll get you home tomorrow morning.” He command, switching off the light and
went out of the room.
Toshiya looks at the man back as Die exit the room closing the
door behind him. He did not expect Die to be a gentle man until just now; maybe
Shinya was not totally right about Die. Even if Die is a flirt but he is still
a caring person. Maybe that is why both Kisaki and Kaoru loves him, if it was
not that Toshiya likes Kaoru, he may also falls in love with this man. Wait,
what am I thinking? Toshiya realizing what he has been thinking hits
himself hard on the head waking him up.
Die settles himself on the sofa. He lay down as he dials Kaoru
mobile wondering where Kaoru was now. The ringing went on for some time before
someone answered it. Die just simply gets to know from Kyo that Kaoru was in
his place now and the man hanged up. Die frowned at the rudeness of Kyo, anyway
he is assures that Kaoru was fine while anyway Die only want to make sure that
his lover was doing fine.
He closed his eyes taking a deep breath and starts recalling what
had happened the whole day today where he had hurt two men at the same time.
Kaoru the man he love, Die had betrayed him, betraying the belief Kaoru have
for him and Die had eventually become the ‘first’ man of Toshiya.
Shit. Die cursed. I haven’t get into this
sucking situation before. Understand whatever he does he will hurt either
one of the men.
Kaoru toss around the bed could not get asleep. Moreover, the bed
he is now sleeping on belongs to Toshiya. Sometime he just could not understand
what his mind was thinking. Earlier on where he realized he has no place to go
and his feet had bring him to Kyo place, which is also the place Toshiya was
staying. Why just I think of what situation it will be if Toshiya had came
back just now. Worse of all, Kaoru knows that Toshiya at this moment was in
his and Die apartment with his lover, remembering of it how can he sleep then? Ugrr…
maybe my head was only useful in work. Kaoru keeps grumbling.
The passed image of him and Die slowly reflects in Kaoru. The time
when they first meet, when Die was with Kisaki and he get into their
relationship causing Kisaki to leave the band and Toshiya joined. It seemed all
connected in fate. He had breaks Kisaki relationship and now maybe Toshiya will
break his. Kaoru sighed as he thinks of it. Retribution.
The band and Die who will Kaoru choose if he needs to? Simply kick
Toshiya out of the band was the easiest way but was also the most selfish way
to think of. Toshiya had proved himself to be a good bassist in this two years
and his popularity in the band was high moreover Kaoru had acknowledge Toshiya
skill and it will be really a waste to kick the man out.
Toshiya was a nice bandmate. Toshiya was a good friend. Toshiya
was almost like a brother to Kaoru ever since he joined the band. It’s no
way I going to kick him out! Conclusion.
Die was a good bandmate. Die was the man he loves. Die was like
part of his family now. It’s no way I going to leave him. Conclusion.
But the final conclusion Kaoru had come up with was actually ‘is
it really up to him to decide?’ Kaoru laughed bitterly from his conclusion. Who
do you think you are Kaoru no baka. Knowing clearly that Die was the one
who is going to decide who he wants to be with. Toshiya was beautiful and
younger than you are. Kaoru shuts his eyes as a droplet drip down from his
eye.
Not knowing how many hours had passed before Kaoru finally falls
asleep from his tiredness.
Toshiya open his eyes again after failing to get some sleep. It
was not because of his still aching body but the moment Toshiya close his eyes,
the image of Kaoru reddening eyes and upset expression appears in his mind. Kaoru
must have hated me now. Toshiya buries his face with his hands when he
thinks of it. How was he going to face Kaoru tomorrow? Not even knowing whether
the man was still willing to see his face.
He looks at the clock standing on the table next to the bed; it
was almost six in the morning. Making up his mind, Toshiya get up of the bed
putting on his jacket and quietly left the apartment. As he pass by the living
room, Die was sleeping on the sofa, Toshiya leave a note on the table for the
man and quietly walk lamely out of the apartment.
The mobile phone lay beside the slim man lying on the floor, the
phone was flashing giving out low battery signal. The man was staring at the
ceiling while his mind has already wandered distant away. First it was Kisaki
answering his call when he dials the number he believes was no longer in use by
the man. Then he had been informed that his plan had work when Toshiya called
him. He should be happy but why he isn’t?
After two long years and he finally heard Kisaki calling out his
name again but he did not reply and ends the call. Shinya just could not figure
out what was going on.
It was not about Kisaki that was bothering Shinya much now. It is
the sobbing of the bassist that was bothering Shinya. Toshiya was crying
because he had make use of the man.
Shinya sit up suddenly enraged. “ It was all because of you, DIE.”
He clutch tightly on his mobile phone almost breaking the small thing to
pieces. Shinya hatred for that man rose.
And now that Toshiya had known that he had make used of him. Is he
going to lose a friend? Shinya smash the phone onto the wall as he thinks of
it. It shouldn’t be like this! Chaos occurred. I didn’t care who I
would hurt as long as I can sees Kaoru and Die suffered. It should be like this
from the starting. The drummer was still trying to convince himself. “… Yes
it should be like this!” Shinya start laughing. “ Who cares about Toshiya, he
just happened to have step into my plan, and it’s just his luck…” His laughed
becomes hysterical and slowly it dies out and change to bitter laughed and once
more it turns into frantic laughter again.
Shinya was holding onto his face crying and laughing at the same
time.
Toshiya sneak through the darkness from the living room into his
bedroom quietly afraid to wakes Kyo who for no reason Toshiya can think of
happened to sleep on the sofa. Toshiya gently close the door behind him when he
enter his room but was immediately meet with a figure who seem to be staring
back at the bassist too. Toshiya nearly screamed but he managed to cover his
mouth before sound came out. “ Who is it?” He asked with shaky voice.
Kaoru recognized the voice. He heaves a sigh letting go of his
sudden arise panic. “ It me.” Kaoru answers, also has been scare by the bassist
earlier on.
“ … Kao … Kaoru?” It was Toshiya turn becoming anxious, not
expecting to see Kaoru at this moment in his bedroom. Not knowing how to react,
Toshiya for no reason feels like running away or something and ended up
knocking onto the wardrobe falling onto the floor. “ Ouch.” He called in pain both
for his head and his aching lower body.
The light was switch on and Kaoru was standing right in front of
Toshiya looking at his clumsy bandmate. Not knowing should he laughed or be
angry with the younger man who was still rubbing his head. His anger? Kaoru
suddenly remember he wasn’t really angry with the young man. It was hurt he had
feel from Toshiya because he did not expect the bassist whom he had treated
like a brother to have betray him.
“ Are you alright?” Kaoru asked helping Toshiya to stands up.
Why are you still concern of a man like me. Guilt builds up in Toshiya where he dare not looked into Kaoru
face. He nodded his head symbolize his is okay.
Kaoru let go of his hand and moved a few step back. Both men break
into silent not knowing what to say to each other. It is the first time Kaoru
and Toshiya having this immobile atmosphere when both exist in the same place.
Toshiya was trying to find something to say, he knows he must now or they might
become stranger in some day. Not wanting this to happen because Kaoru was the
person he loves… likes? He is someone Toshiya respect.
“ I think I should leave now.” Kaoru break the silent. But
where can I go now? He picks up his bag and coat but he was stop by Toshiya
who held onto his shirt tightly.
Toshiya was still speechless and he wasn’t going to let go of
Kaoru shirt now.
“ Toshiya… what…?” Kaoru did not know what to ask in the meantime.
How can I put all happening into words? Kaoru wasn’t going
to forgive me now, he surely hate me now. Anxiousness
attacks the bassist. I don’t want Kaoru to hate me… I … I …
“ Toshiya look at me.” Toshiya was overwhelm by Kaoru comment but
he follow as told. Kaoru held onto the bassist face seeing that the man was
about to cry out. “ You have something to say to me?”
Toshiya finally broke into tears. “ Please… Kao… Kaoru don’t hate
me.” He manages between his crying. “ There’s really nothing between Die and
me. We were both drunk and we didn’t expect this thing to happen.”
I
didn’t even know whether it anger or what in me but I was certainly angry with
Die, maybe I was just too afraid that he would dump me just like he had dump
Kisaki.
“ Kaoru please forgive me.”
Die woke up when he hears the alarm clock in his room cursing that
he had forgot to switch it off. Afraid that it might disturb the bassist, he
hurried into his room to switch the thing off. Toshiya can really sleep. Thinking
that Toshiya was still in the room and was still sleeping with that noise.
He opens the door only to meet with an empty bed. Die went to the
living room again after switching the clock and it was when he sees the piece
of note left down by the bassist. His eyes widen as he read the note. “ What?
He had go back?” He exclaimed. Shit, I never tell him that Kaoru was there. Being
anxious of what might happen when the two meet.
5 minutes later the red head was on his way to Kyo place.
Kaoru sees the sincere in the younger man eyes. He believes what
Toshiya had say because the bassist wasn’t a good lair but it only base on
‘Toshiya was drunk and know nothing about it’ and not ‘Die was drunk and know
nothing about it’ because Kaoru know too obviously how well his lover can
drink. Kaoru believes Toshiya was too drunk at that time but Die certainly
knows what he is doing and he still does it.
That was the most unforgiving thing for Kaoru. Moreover Die still
says he does not love Toshiya when Kaoru asked him yesterday. Kaoru frown as he
remembers that.
“ Kaoru?”
Kaoru returns from his thinking as he heard Toshiya suddenly
feeling sorry for the man instead. Anyway he needs to know something now,
glancing seriously at Toshiya he asked. “ Tell me Toshiya, do you loves Die?”
Toshiya shakes his head vigorously. “ No, I don’t…”
“ Don’t lie to me if you really want me to forgive you.”
Toshiya was certain in his answer. “ Die is a nice person but I
really don’t love him.” Kaoru somehow felt disgust by his lover after hearing
Toshiya, realizing after what Die had done and this silly Toshiya still believe
you are a nice guy. It’s going to hurt this young man if he going to know
the truth.
Toshiya was still looking at Kaoru; his eyes begging for
forgiveness from the elder man and Kaoru finally broke into smile seeing the
puppy-like look on the bassist. “ If you weren’t lying, I forgive you.” He pads
on Toshiya head, still smiling and the younger man certainly have broke into
tears of happiness and relief.
Maybe because of the sudden relaxed and after a long sleepless
night, the two men felt tired suddenly and falls asleep together on the bed.
Die has arrival while later to see a picture of ‘a mother and son’ sleeping
together.
TBC~
By Tsmr
[11/06/03]