Deep, deep
Part 10
Die press the bell once again after several
time of trying. Shinya was inside the house, Die know it but the drummer since
to be angry with him, properly for running after Toshiya just now and had
refuse to open the door.
“ Shinya I know you’re in, please open the door.”
Die frown, he had no choice now since the drummer refuse to open
the door. He had to use his last method, which he hate to use but was useful at
this moment. Die start knocking hard at the door wishing the drummer would open
the door before the neighbors come out to complain.
“ Shinya! Shinya!” He continues yelling.
A while later Shinya was standing at the door glaring at Die.
Shinya continue watching his TV
program, ignoring Die. From the single sofa, Die move to the bigger one where
Shinya was sitting then he move to the floor in front of the drummer but was
still being ignored.
“ Die.”
Die brighten up, finally he thought, Shinya had decides to talk to
him. “ What?” He asked happily.
“ You are blocking the TV!”
Fed up, Die switch the TV off and sit right in front of Shinya on
the table not caring Shinya’s protest. Die was serious now, he grab the drummer
hand as Shinya was trying to move away.
“ We need a talk, a good one!”
Shinya stare blankly at Die, the first time Die in such
expression. What is he trying to tell me? Suddenly Shinya heart was beating
fast, he start to image all sort of thing, all sort of bad outcome that Die was
going to tell him now.
Was he trying to break off with me? Is it because of
Toshiya? I don’t want it to happen!
Shinya hand starts to tremble, in Die’s hand. Die felt it, his
expression smoothen down and give the drummer a smile.
“ I go after Toshiya today as you know, I went to apologize to
him.”
Apologize? Shinya wondered.
“ Shinya I know you are angry with all the thing I have done but I
hope you don’t blame this on Toshiya, if you want you can blame everything on
me, it all my fault!”
Talking for him again! Shinya starts getting annoyed.
“ I love Toshiya as you already know but at the same time I’m
telling you that I also love you. It is unfair to both of you, I know and I had
made my decision. Toshiya know about it.”
Toshiya already know about it? So you really want to be
with him?
“ We have completely broke up!” Die finishes
his sentence. “ Toshiya and me!”
Shinya thought he was going to faint at any
moment thinking that Die was breaking up with him. Now he felt relief but why
was Die motioning to him that he loves Toshiya, knowing that this will anger
him?
Shinya keep quiet, waiting for Die to
continue.
“ I was telling you this partly because I
don’t want you to be guessing on my relation with Toshiya and hope that you
will stop treating him like an enemy.”
Why you still care so much for him? Why you
bother how I treating him?
“ The main reason is I want you to accept me
once again, after I tell you I once love Toshiya, I’m in love with someone else
when I with you.”
“ Why are you motioning again and again that
you love Toshiya since you want me to accept you again?” Shinya was getting
annoyed. “ What you are saying seem more like reason for breaking up with me!”
“ Because I don’t want to lie especially to
you again. I want you to know I did love Toshiya but now I have nothing to do
with him, we have break up and I do this for you! I want you to know all this
before I ask for you to be with me again.”
Shinya was angry, jealous with Toshiya and
Die; at the same time he was touch by Die. Shinya can’t help getting jealous of
Toshiya when he knows Die love him. He was angry, very angry at Die for
treating him like this but now Die was doing all this for him. Die was telling
him everything and asking for him again.
Die was waiting for Shinya respond.
Waiting…
Silent…
Shinya look angry, annoyed.
Hoping thing will turn back.
Long silent…
Die look at Shinya again, this time Shinya
seem had smoothen his anger.
“ I hope this will be the last time!” Shinya
final respond.
Need not to say Shinya was touch, deeply touch
by Die. At least Die had choose to be with him instead of Toshiya, he had won
and he should not be unreasonable toward the bassist again because this seem
the second time he had snatch Die away from Toshiya.
As his anger and jealousy smoothen, Shinya had
realized the frightening of it. He did not expect anger and jealousy would
change a person that much. He was once feeling guilty toward the bassist,
wanted to make thing up for him but jealousy destroy his mind, his reaction,
his behavior and he nearly want the bassist to die.
Please don’t let me be jealous again…
The practice that follows by went on smoothly.
Although there is still no unnecessary conversation between Shinya and Toshiya
but they did talk about the work, no joke but somehow with a little laughter.
Kaoru was contented. The band looks more like
one at least.
Die had told Toshiya that he had clear up the
mess he had created with Shinya and he had been forgiven. Toshiya know it by
the way Shinya look at him on the very next day, he was happy for them but he
knows there is still time needed to have his relationship with Shinya back to
normal. He hopes thing will went back to usual again.
As days pass, Dir en Grey began to get back
like the time when nothing had happened. After a few days of ‘unusual’
behavior, Shinya and Toshiya starts chatting like the pass.
Toshiya was enjoying more with the band after
the whole incident ended. Now he had believed that love would only be a
trouble, at least he thought it this way. He told Kyo about it, both
agreed.
Follow by was the tour concert; everyone was
busy with their own work. No one had ever mention about the incident; these
busy days had slowly erased everything that had happened.
Concert ended…
Christmas day coming… everyone planning to
have a good holiday…
Christmas ends…
New year arrival…
First day of practice after New Year…
Surprisingly again, Kyo was the first one to
arrival. He had already been late for an hour! “ Where’s everyone?” Great, must
be having a nice holiday with the love one and forget about the practice.
Toshiya had gone back to his hometown during
the holiday.
Die and Shinya went oversea for holiday.
Kaoru goes missing.
Two hours later.
Die and Shinya finally arrival at the studio
bringing along with them was packets of present for the other members. Kyo was
staring at the pair when they enter the room; soon he was bribe by the present
over his anger.
“ Where are Kaoru and Toshiya?” Die asked when
he realize they both not in.
“ Must be going on date and forget about the
practice!” Kyo answer irritably.
“ DATE!~+?”
The door of the studio bangs open suddenly. “
What date?” Toshiya was at the door asking curiously for what he had heard
outside the door. The other member was nearly scared to hell by their bassist.
Before they say another word, their sight was
attract to Kaoru who had just reach. Their leader had his hand bandage up
tiring behind his neck.
???????
“ He WHAT!?” Die exclaims and burst out
laughing.
Kaoru was keeping quiet, his face a little
blush while the others talking about how he had injured his hand.
“ Tracing Toshiya and fell into a drain!?”
Shinya was trying to control his laughter.
Kyo was hugging his stomach and laughing hard.
“ So you have been staying at Toshiya’s
hometown during the holiday?”
Kaoru was holding his fist up, can’t wait to
punch all of them. “ Practice cancel!”
Kyo was overjoyed. Shinya and Die was planning
where they can go and was packing their thing. “ But you must stay to finish
these paper work!” Kaoru continue suddenly.
Kyo drop his bag.
Die pout, he know Kaoru did it in purpose.
Kaoru: Hee Hee hee… try me again! >_+
Toshiya look at his band mate teasing one
another, playing around. He was glad that all had return to normal, he was glad
that he had not destroy all this, he was glad that he did not carry on his plan
to get his revenge or they were not be standing here together like this now.
Just one year, in such a short period thing
would have change forever if we did not stop our stubbornness. One year from
the time Toshiya be with Die, Die ditches Toshiya for Shinya. Toshiya taking
his revenge, Die telling Toshiya that he had start falling in love with him,
Shinya find out about it and the cold battle of Toshiya and Shinya…
everything.
Toshiya was smiling and looking around at his
bandmate, he stops his sight at Shinya who was standing at the other concern.
Shinya was also looking at him, smiling at Toshiya.
Jealous can change people…
But so do forgiveness!
“ You and Kaoru are together?”
Shinya and Toshiya were outside the studio
chatting leaving the other three mad people inside the room.
“ Who say so?”
The image of Kyo appears in both of them. Kyo
was the one saying Kaoru and Toshiya was together just now.
“ I can feel what Kaoru was thinking but I
don’t want to start a relation with him now, I was scared.”
Shinya understand how Toshiya felt, scare of
getting hurt again. Suddenly Shinya starts to get guilty, as he was the main
cause of it. Toshiya seem to have notice of Shinya reaction. He did not say
anything, both was quiet suddenly.
“ How is you and Die going on?” Toshiya asked
out of a sudden.
“ Fine! So when you start to like Kaoru?”
Shinya ask. “ Right after you break off with Die?”
Two months ago they would not expect that they
could talk to each other like this, openly talking of Die together.
“ Nope. It happened before I break up with
Die! I’ve told Die about it the day we break up, didn’t he tell you?” Toshiya
answered happily not noticing the changes in Shinya.
Right before you break up with Die? You told
Die you like Kaoru…
Shinya fell deep into his thought.
Die decide to break up with Toshiya because he
know Toshiya had fall in love with Kaoru and not because of me…
“Shinya?”
Kyo’s Philosophy
(Deep, deep special version II – Something
about Kyo)
How much does he care about love? The vocalist
wasn’t really looking forward into a relationship, perhaps sometime he will
feel lonely when he saw his bandmate having their lover around them but he
doesn’t want anyone to mess up his life now. At least for now he wants to be
alone, without anyone.
Love will change a person… love is troublesome… there will be no
forever in love, it will end some day depending it will end early or late. No
matter how much you love that person, he will leave you one day. This is the
philosophy of Kyo.
Never really for in love with anyone!
Toshiya doesn’t look good today again. He has been feeling down
these few weeks, no smile on his face. Kyo didn’t care much; he didn’t ask the
bassist about it, it was not his matter anyway. Why should he bother so much?
But Toshiya was crying two days later. To what Kyo knows, the bassist
care for his image more than anything but he was crying now, crying in front of
so many peoples.
Kaoru and Shinya was shock from their expression, Kyo could tell
it but Die wasn’t reacting much. Toshiya and Die are lover, Kyo know it anyway
it not a secret in the band. Now that the bassist was crying and Die was
unmoved… Kyo’s philosophy had reflected on the matter. It was clear to Kyo that
there is something between Toshiya and Die and it must be love.
That’s had nothing to do with Kyo though, he did not ask nor show
any concern in it.
Toshiya had his beautiful long hair cut away after that incident.
Few months later, Kyo found the bassist lying on the floor when he returns to
the apartment they had shared. Kyo sent the bassist to the hospital. Toshiya
had committed suicide; the main reason must be love matter again. Kyo didn’t
have an answer, he didn’t ask Toshiya about it but he had guess.
Kyo’s philosophy reflect again…
Many thing seem to happened in the band, mostly related to love.
Kyo didn’t want to care about it as long as the band will not be disbanded. The
vocalist only wishes is that he will never had to be bother by love.
Kaoru and Shinya was involve this time. Their bassist and drummer
was on bad term, very bad one especially when the drummer who was well known
for his good tempered is involve. Toshiya and Shinya had not been talking;
follow by was Kaoru and Die. Kaoru wants to have a talk with Die. Kyo was asked
to leave, this time Kyo was slightly interested in the matter but he still obey
Kaoru order and left them alone.
The talks seem to have work between Die and Kaoru to what Kyo had
realized. Shinya and Toshiya relationship was improving. Still Kyo wasn’t showing
great interest in it.
The concert is coming, everyone were busy. Kyo busy too, very busy
and tired now. He starts to felt bored with his recent living, he wanted
something more, something more fun and maybe wired.
The band was practicing hard for the coming concert, Shinya and
Die was together now. They are busy but are still sparing out time for their
love… Kyo hate it!
Love? Love? Love? What so great about it!?
He needs a place to relax.
Kyo was in a newly open pub recommend by his friend, alone. This
is a wired pub, all darkness around only with some dim light coming from the
candles. One may eventually bump into another one anytime. The scary
atmosphere, peoples shouting frantically; this place was just like heaven to
Kyo, he had come to the right place.
Kyo was half drunk after having few mugs of beer. This is the best
time to enjoy the atmosphere. Kyo starts walking around the pub, many times he
knock onto others, they yell at one another then ignored and walks away. No one
will fight here.
Faintly, Kyo seem to notice someone that attract his attention.
That person was tall with white hair, looking much like a prince to Kyo. Why
would such guy visit here? Although it was dark around but Kyo manage to have a
clear view of that man. Kyo approaches him.
They start chatting; then they realize they shared some comment
topic and soon they become friend. That guy told Kyo that he like this pub
because they use candles instead of electric lightning. That man does not like
places that are too bright so this is the best place for him.
This man was attracting Kyo more; they manage
to chat lots. Kyo then realize the man shared the same idea as he did, they are
both quiet people but now they are chatting so much just after knowing one
another lesser than one hour.
Kyo and that man was love at first sight?
“ IMPOSSIBLE!!” Kyo couldn’t believe it but he
have to.
Kyo was drunk, that man was drunk and both ended up in the hotel sleeping
the whole night without doing anything. Next morning, Kyo wake up and left the
hotel alone.
His mind was in chaos in this few days after the appearing of that
man.
Kyo was struggling now. His philosophy was telling him that he
should not fall in love. His heart was telling him that he need to see that man
once more! He will have a way to figure it himself. It will be easy for Kyo to
find that man, he knows exactly where the man was.
Kyo went to the same pub. As soon as he enters the hall, he starts
looking around for that man hoping to find that man here instead at the work
place. Just a few steps, Kyo had knock into few people.
Kyo walk further inside the hall, eyes still
scanning around looking for someone with white hair.
Someone pull Kyo suddenly making the later to shriek, Kyo was pull
to a concern
“ Kyo…”
Kyo stare at that person when he heard his name is being called.
He was irritate at first by such action, follow on his eyes brighten up when he
had a clear view of that man whom was the one Kyo was looking for.
“ Why did you leave so fast that day?”
Kyo heart was beating fast. He did not answer the question.
The man was still looking at Kyo waiting for
him to say something.
“ Say something please?” Kyo look up when the
man say that, now very sure that he had fall in love with this man standing in
front of him.
“ AHHHHHHHHH………” Kyo ran
away shouting.
This can’t be truth…
I won’t fall in love… I don’t want to! It is my
philosophy!
Love is TROUBLESOME!
“ But… I’m in love!”
Toshiya stop his bass. Kaoru and Die stare at their vocalist.
Shinya drop his drumstick. “ What?” All of them ask at the same time.
It was just that Kyo realized he had speak out what is in his
mind.
Sweatdrop…
Silent…
Waiting…
“ Just joking…” Kyo bring his bandmate doubt pass with such idiot
answer.
<Kyo!!! They won’t believe so easily!! >__<)
Kyo was standing in front of the pub; he had been standing there
for almost an hour. He starts to move in then he stop and left. The following
few days, Kyo had been doing the same thing.
He wants to see that man so he came…
He was afraid to admit he had fallen in love so he left…
<Accept him Kyo!!>
Still standing in front of the pub, it had been a weeks. Finally
Kyo decides to go in but that day he did not see that man.
After the band concert, Kyo and Toshiya happened to have a chat. Toshiya
was talking about how love was so troublesome, something that match Kyo
thought. (Deep part 10—the part where Totchi was talking about love and Kyo was
the only one who agrees with him/ this is the reason!)
“ Kyo someone looking for you!”
Kyo conversation with the bassist ended. Kyo
left the room to see who was looking for him. As soon as he left the room, the
rest of his bandmate was busy gossiping about that person who comes to look for
Kyo.
“ Really?” Shinya was the first one to ask. “ Are you sure he is
the one?”
“ Yes of course!”
“ Why is he looking for Kyo?”
“ Wanted to snatch our vocalist?”
“ He is a vocalist himself, it not possible!”
Blah… blah… blab…
Out in the hall, Kyo could clearly see whom that person was when he
enters it. That man smile to Kyo when he sees him, in the hand of that man was
a bouquet of flower.
“ For you and the band, congratulation for the success concert!”
That man passes the flower to Kyo.
“ I think I really in love with you!” The man nearly spilt the coffee he was having when Kyo told him
about it. It was so sudden. The man just stare blankly at Kyo, thinking hard
then he gave Kyo a reply, Kyo was smiling after he heard what the man told him.
I can’t believe I just start a
relationship with a man so easily??? Oh well… forget it; let me enjoy what
romance is.
Author: (Kyo have a lover now! >__<)
Thanks to VM who hint me an idea to give Kyo a boyfriend. Question: Who
is this Kyo’s lover? Make a guess using the small hint in this story…
Hint no 1. He looks like a prince.
Hint no 2. This man likes dark places, I mean
he like to use candle more than bulb.
Hint no 3. He is a vocalist in his ex-band.
Isn’t it easy? Answer will be in somewhere
inside Deep.
Finally conclusion! Everyone in Deep seem to have suffer from love… So the author
decides to be fair! Continue the story below…
The first time they kiss was in the pub. It was
the first time Kyo felt so good kissing with someone, it was told to him that
because the one you kissing now was someone you love so you will feel great!
Kyo believe now.
Kyo was always daydreaming in the practices
and left immediately after the practice to meet his lover. His bandmate was
getting suspicious but they never ask.
The first time Kyo goes to his lover’s house.
All he felt was like going to that pub where he meets his lover; the only
different was his lover house was quiet. Candles were the thing use to brighten
up the house, Kyo did not care much either, and anyway it felt nice in this
atmosphere.
“ Kyo…” His lover whisper behind him, hand was
now around Kyo’s waist.
Kyo could felt his lover starts to kiss his
neck, hand was moving up and down his body. The sensation was so good, Kyo love
it and soon they were both on the bed. They remove their clothes but did not
stop their passion kissing.
It was great…
“ Kyo… I love you!”
Kyo was clutching onto his lover’s hair as his
lover play around Kyo’s nipple that had harden. Both their manhood was hard
too, they hint each other that they are ready. Kyo move his hand down his lover
manhood and slowly move up and down but his lover stop him.
“ Let me!”
Kyo lover start to do the same thing that Kyo
had did earlier. It was damn good, Kyo was breathing hard and giving out some
sound. Their first time seem to went on smoothly, Kyo was feeling great,
everything was fine but just then Kyo realize something.
“ I should be the one in charge!” Kyo push his
lover away.
“ Huh?”
“ I say I am the ‘man’ here!”
Kyo and his lover stare at each other. Their
passion had cool down at this moment.
“ I think I should be the one.” His lover
said. “ I’m always the one in charge.”
They glare at one another, knowing that both
are the ‘man’ position. Their passion had cool down but not their manhood, they
need to release it. “ Fine do it yourself!” Both said at the same time.
They did no break up as they are really in
love with one another but they did not have sex either as they were still
arguing who such be the man.
LOVE IS ALWAYS SO TROUBLESOME!!!! >__<
Owari
Part 11
Shinya had left with Die after they had finish
doing the paper work. He had not been talking much since he had his
conversation with the bassist, since he realize that Die had decide to broke up
with Toshiya because the bassist told him that he is in love with someone. Die
gave up because he did not want to compete with Kaoru, his best friend?
All sort of worried starts to overcome Shinya,
he begin to think toward the worse part. Believing that Die had choose him
because Toshiya does not want Die anymore. Thinking Die is taking him as a
substitute of Toshiya? Wanting Shinya because Toshiya had rejected him?
Toshiya and Kaoru was the only two in the
studio after the others had left. Toshiya was busy keeping his belonging
preparing to go home with his mind wondering had he forgotten to tell Shinya something?
With his mind occupy, Toshiya did not see the ‘busy’ Kaoru whom was acting
funnily behind him, trying to find some topic to attract the bassist attention.
“ Opps…! I didn’t tell him that Die does not
know whom the person is!!” Toshiya exclaimed out of a sudden referring that he
did not tell Die the person he love is Kaoru. “ Hope he won’t tell Die about
it.”
Toshiya was blushing. He was wondering what
would happen if his bandmate knows he is in love with Kaoru. Thinking whether
they would make fun of him, somehow wishing that Kaoru and him will… but then
he hope Kaoru would not know about it. Toshiya was changing his face expression
from shy, happy to many others, looking like an idiot.
Happily smiling, Toshiya make a quick turn
hitting his bass hard right at Kaoru injure arm. Well, he did not expect Kaoru to be standing behind him.
Kaoru did not give out a sound, his eyes were
widening looking at the bassist and his head was sweating.
“ Are… are… you okay Kaoru!?” Toshiya was
almost speechless. “ I’m so sorry… I’m didn’t know you are behind.”
“ I… I’m alright…” Kaoru pretend to be not in
pain. “ But I think practice will be cancel tomorrow.”
“ I… I will inform the others.” Toshiya
sweatdrop.
Later the same evening, Toshiya and Kaoru had
dinner together since Kaoru was unable to cook for himself; he invited the
bassist to join him to dinner. They were enjoying with one another accompany
until they met their vocalist in some pub. Toshiya was the first one to spot
Kyo whom was sitting alone in the corner, whom seems to be in bad mood.
“ Kyo.” Toshiya yelled the second time before
he was given a replied.
“ What?”
Toshiya and Kaoru both look at one another,
with surprise. Kyo was really in VERY bad mood according to the reaction he had
given them.
“ What’s wrong with you?” Toshiya asked
concern.
“ Nothing.” Kyo replied and stand up, picking
his bag up. “ I’m going back.”
Toshiya look at Kaoru, at Kyo then back to Kaoru.
“ I think I better follow him back!” Toshiya said to Kaoru who agreed. “ Bye!”
“ See you!” Kaoru was left behind alone,
somehow part of him was cursing Kyo for ruining his chance to be with Toshiya
but anyway, he was still concern on what going on with Kyo.
Toshiya enter the apartment behind Kyo, the
later was heading straight into his room. Toshiya wanted to stop him but before
he could say something, the vocalist had already slammed the door close leaving
a daze Toshiya standing unmoved.
“ Kyo?” Toshiya slowly open the door.
No replied from the vocalist.
“ Kyo??”
Still no replied.
Silent…
“ Kyo…?” The bassist was getting a bit of
impatient.
No replied again…
“ You are such an nuisance.” Finally, Kyo had
spoken. “ Come in!”
A grin
was spot on the bassist face, he quickly slip into the room and right onto the
vocalist’s bed, taking a place beside Kyo who was lying straightly. Kyo moved his body slightly to let the
bassist rest his longer body.
“ What wrong with you?” The very first question
asked when Toshiya lay down.
“ Must I really tell you?” Kyo pouted. “ I
don’t think so!”
This time it was Toshiya pretending to get
upset of what Kyo had said, thinking Kyo will give in to him. Kyo laugh a
little knowing the bassist trick, using a pillow he throw it at the bassist who
immediately fought back.
After a while, they lay back on the bed,
exhausted. They laugh together suddenly, thinking of their childish act.
“ Toshiya…” Kyo call suddenly; sound serious.
“ You and Die, I mean you two were together… before?”
Toshiya nodded, suddenly remember of the past.
“ Why?” He asked uneasily.
“ What are you when it come to sex?” Kyo
asked. “ I mean your position.”
This question seems to have surprised the
bassist. “ Mmm… I’m always at the bottom.” Toshiya was blushing this time.
“ Ever since you start doing it with Die?”
Toshiya nodded again.
“ What make you think you prefer at the
bottom?”
The question was getting too much for the
bassist; Toshiya face was already red. He was quite open when it comes to the
topic of sex but when they question was on him; it was totally a different
thing to him.
“ It nothing to do with prefer, it just a kind
of natural to me to be the ‘woman’ when we start doing it. I mean we will know
well what position we will be, if you are not sure of it, you will properly end
up arguing for the rest of the day.”
Kyo giggle, that what he and his lover had
ended up that day.
“ Why are you laughing?” Toshiya asked puzzle.
“ Why are you asking me this?”
Toshiya finally realized why Kyo was asking
him so much about the ‘position’ matter. After a long persuading, Kyo finally
give up and tell the bassist about it. Kyo and his lover had just argue over
the matter earlier on at the pub, that why Kaoru and Toshiya had found a VERY
bad mood Kyo alone there.
“ Don’t you dares tell the others about what I
had asked you!” Kyo find himself regret for telling the bassist about it when
he see how the bassist was grinning. “ Or I throw you out of my apartment!!”
“ Okay! I promised!” Toshiya said and slowly get off the bed, walking out of the room
but leave his last sentence before closing the door. “ But you can’t blame me
if they ‘GUESS’ it themselves.”
Kyo throw his alarm clock toward the closing
door, cursing the bassist.
The practice had been cancel throughout the
whole week due to Kaoru injured arm. On the very same day where the news of
practice cancel was announced, Kyo was nowhere to be found. Properly to what
Toshiya had thought, Kyo would be spending his week with his lover figuring out
about their ‘position’.
Kaoru in the other hand had used his injure
arm as an excuse, asking the bassist to stay with him so that they can discuss
about their work. But Kaoru did not expect all his hope was ruin when Shinya
and Die appeared together with Toshiya at his apartment.
“ Four man living together in an apartment!?
Ugrr…” Kaoru muttered.
“ Huh? What are you saying?”
“ Nothing…”
Kaoru answer, putting up a smile.
Shinya was the only one who was keeping very
quiet. He had been watching over his lover and Toshiya all the while without
their notice. His doubt was still occupying his mind, making his mind to think
wild.
Does Die still love Toshiya??
Die smile at Kaoru and Toshiya when they joke
about something, but in Shinya eyes, all he sees is his lover smiling sweetly
at Toshiya. Die happen to pass a can of drink to the bassist with Kaoru passing
the bassist some cracker, but Shinya had see it as Die and Kaoru trying to win
the bassist attending.
I know! I know he love Toshiya more than he
love me!!
Shinya heart was screaming. His heart was fill
with jealousy toward the bassist, he mind had goes wild until he felt pain in
his hand, he found himself breaking the cup he is holding in his hand. His blood
was already dripping down when he came to realize it as his band members was
holding up his hand and asking whether is he alright.
What am I doing!? What am I thinking about
just now!?
Shinya felt frighten at himself suddenly. He
realized he was not himself just now; his mind was seemed to have been control
by something else. He was so frighten… what going wrong with him? He was
scared. Tears was formed in his eyes, he was so scared of himself suddenly.
“ Shinya, you will be alright!” Toshiya say concern
when he see the drummer crying.
Shinya stare at Toshiya blankly. The bassist was busy treating Shinya’s wound
with care. Toshiya had cares so much for him, how can he have the thought of
hate toward the bassist?
Struggling…
Unknowing…
Confusion…
What wrong with me? Didn’t I already know how frightening
jealousy could be?
Part 12
Three o’clock in the morning, everyone was
sleeping soundly, in the living room together after a tiring day of discussing
on the new single except for one. Shinya just awake by a bad dream, looking
around the living room, he saw Kaoru sleeping on the sofa and beside him was
Toshiya on the floor then Die and himself beside Toshiya also on the floor.
The window was not close properly; the night breeze was cool
making Shinya shiver suddenly. He stood up and proceeds to the window wanted to
close it before his fellow bandmates get a cold. Staring out the window, Shinya
immediately was attracted by the beautiful night view, which he did not expect
to be able to see here.
The breeze blow gently onto his face making him more awaken.
Shinya heave a sigh, suddenly remember of the love life. Die was important to
him since so long ago, they never know about one another feeling until Toshiya
come between them and Shinya nearly destroy the band.
Realizing the frightening of jealousy was what he had learned from
his love life until now. Shinya know how scary it is but he nearly been control
by it again. Thinking to this, Shinya sigh again. Maybe I should have
learned to control myself better.
Shinya close the window hoping he had not catch a cold by now.
Quietly and slowly locking it to prevent waking his friend and proceeds back.
The very next moment, Shinya found himself staring at the pair sleeping on the
floor. Die sleeping at one side had his arm on Toshiya and the bassist had
swift his body closer to Die.
Shinya bit his lip hard.
Griping his finger onto his pant.
Relaxing himself. It just normal for any person to move their
position during their sleep, they didn’t do anything… they just sleeping!
Shinya cool your mind now!
It’s normal, Shinya keep telling himself and decides to move back
to sleep.
Normal…
It nothing…
…but why they look so rested sleeping beside one another!?
They look so comfortable, so relax sleeping together.
Taking a deep breath.
Why Die didn’t have this
expression when he sleep beside me? He doesn’t feel relaxed beside me? Is it
because he don’t love me anymore?
Shinya was standing in front of Die and
Toshiya now, looking at them with his mind start running wild.
No. He didn’t have this
expression even from the start.
Shinya trip and fell onto the carpet, knocking
over the fruit basket on the table.
Die only love Toshiya. I know, it
always like that!
Shinya hand felt something next to him, a
fruit knife that had drop onto the carpet.
…… if you didn’t join Dir en grey.
Grabbing the knife facing Toshiya.
I killed you and Die will love me… yes he will
love me only if you do not exist.
…~
…~
The next morning, Die was the first one to
wake up. Still not very wakeful until
he hear a sneezing sound from Toshiya, the bassist was crouching his body, the
blanket was push to the end not covering his body.
“ You going to catch a cold if you continue to
sleep like this.” Die smile and mutter to the sleeping bassist.
Die removes his jacket and put it on Toshiya
together with the blanket covering Toshiya properly. Kaoru had just wake up to
see this loving scene of Die toward the bassist.
Kaoru pout.
“ Ohayo.” Die greet when he see Kaoru looking
at him.
Although a bit displeasure, somehow jealous to
see Die doing this thing so naturally toward Toshiya, he did not show his mood
out and greet his friend back.
“ Where’s Shinya?” Kaoru ask realizing the
drummer was not around.
“ In the kitchen?”
Die went to the kitchen, bedroom and any other
available room to see whether his lover inside. Returning back with doubt,
wondering where Shinya had gone early in the morning.
“ What this?”
Die sees something on the floor, near the
sleeping bassist. Bending down to have a look, Die found a knife stain with
something that look like blood under the table and the patches where Die saw,
after a clear view, Die know that it was blood.
“ It’s blood…”
Kaoru eyes widen, Die put the knife down, both
looking at Toshiya whom is still sleeping. Die doubt the bloodstain does not
belong to the bassist. Kaoru nearly stop breathing, if he had not see Toshiya
moving his body a little.
“ Toshiya…” Die shaking the bassist, trying to
wake the later up.
Shinya!?
Die suddenly remembers his lover; rushing over
to the phone and dial his lover number, bad thought running in his mind now.
“ Toshiya wake up.” Kaoru continue waking the
bassist but lightly, afraid that Toshiya might really be injure.
“ What’s up?” Toshiya ask yawning.
“ Are you alright?”
Toshiya see the concern and worried look on
Kaoru face, feeling that something is wrong suddenly. Kaoru hold Toshiya up
suddenly, checking all over the bassist to see whether there is any wound.
Toshiya blushed but let Kaoru. “ Do you feel any pain?” Kaoru ask while
checking.
“ Kao… Kaoru?? There’s nothing wrong with me,
really! What’s going on?”
Just as Kaoru was going to explain what going
on, they heard Die exclaiming in the phone.
“ Shinya! Where are you? Are you injured? Why
you left so sudden?” Die continues asking without giving the drummer a chance
to speak.
Toshiya is looking at Die talking loudly over
the phone and listening to Kaoru telling him what going on. The bassist was
blushing all the while, seeing how concern Kaoru is to him.
“ Did Shinya hurt himself?” Toshiya ask as
soon as Die hang up the phone.
Die nod.
“ Is he alright?”
“ I think so.” Die speaks while gathering his
belonging. “ He told me he had hurt his hand but not so badly. I going to his
place now.”
“ Let’s go together.”
Shinya drop the phone on the floor, sitting on
the floor hugging his leg, shivering. Blood start to gather on the cloth
wrapping on his hand staining the white cloth.
Fear in Shinya eyes.
“ What am I doing…?” Shinya cover his face
muttering to himself.
Shinya took the knife pointing at the sleeping
bassist. His hand was shaking somehow but a voice in his mind was telling him
to stab the sleeping bassist. Moving nearer and nearer to Toshiya, rising his
arm and staring at Toshiya.
Killed him…
Killed him…
The voice was spinning in Shinya mind. His
hand was shaking badly at this moment.
Don’t you want your lover back… killed him
then…
Killed… killed… killed…
Shinya lower his hand with the knife toward
the sleeping bassist heart slowly, bring it up again, this time closing his
eyes and went down at a fast speed…
Are you alright Shin-chan?
Let me treat your wound…
Shin-chan…
Opening his eyes suddenly, Shinya stop his
action. He remember how the bassist treated him nicely, how he is at wrong
first for snatching Die away from the bassist.
Killed him…
Are you alright Shin-chan…
Shinya nearly shouted out, he is going crazy
any moment, the voice spinning around his head, telling him to kill the
bassist, telling him not to kill the bassist. Shinya rise the knife again…
Slashing his left hand… blood dripping down…
no pain but fear. Shinya dropped the knife onto the carpet. Tears formed around
his eye, he look at the sleeping bassist.
What am I doing!?
I wanted to kill Toshiya?
Shinya stand up, away from Toshiya and left
Kaoru apartment.
The doorbell rang, alerting Shinya. Kaoru,
Toshiya and his lover were at the door. Shinya look at them, they look at
Shinya; worried. The drummer eyes were red.
“ Why are you crying?”
Toshiya…
Shinya stare blankly at the bassist; fear
enhance in the drummer again by looking at the bassist. Shinya remember he
nearly killed Toshiya and now the person he nearly killed is standing in front
of him, feeling worries for him.
“ Shinya!?”
Die embraces his lover tightly. “ Is there
something wrong with you? Are you feeling well? Why are you crying?”
“ Shinya your hand is bleeding.” Kaoru was the
first one to see the blood stain cloth wrapping around the drummer hand, which
is now dripping blood.
Kaoru and Toshiya was busy treating Shinya
injure hand, Shinya still staring at the bassist making Toshiya feel a bit of
uneasy.
“ I’m okay, just the pain hurting me and I was
crying…”
Kaoru, Die and Toshiya look at Shinya whom
speak out suddenly. Is he telling the truth? They doubt.
Die walk out of the bedroom, closing the door
lightly. Shinya was finally asleep after they help him to treat the wound on
his hand. Die looking a bit trouble, wondering what wrong with his lover.
“ He’s sleeping.” Die takes a sit beside
Toshiya.
“ Is Shinya really okay? He looks wired.”
“ He’s is, just like he say. Believe him.” Die
lied not wanting to make Toshiya worried. “ He tell me he is alright before he
sleep just now, he is smiling to me.”
“ Shinya not being careful recently, he had
just cut his hand and now he slash his hand again.” Toshiya muttered.
The living room went quiet suddenly.
“ Alright then, I think we better get going
Toshiya.” Kaoru say after a long silent in the living room.
Toshiya agreed.
“ Kaoru, I think Shinya and I won’t be going
to your place tomorrow.” Die say before Kaoru and Toshiya left.
Kaoru nod, hiding his smile from the other
two.
I didn’t expect you and Shinya will be coming
at the beginning either.
Kaoru smirk as they were walking down the
stairs.
That mean it finally just Toshiya and me!
Great…
“ Kaoru are you okay?” Toshiya finally asked,
wondering what wrong with him.
Kaoru sweatdrop. “ Nothing.”
Kaoru happiness doesn’t last long as Toshiya
called the next day telling him that he would be going back to his hometown
since the others was enjoying their holiday and will only be back on the day
before the band start practicing again.
Kaoru: Why…? ;; __ ;;
Part13
Die hesitates for a while before walking into the kitchen where
Shinya is preparing their breakfast. The past week is normal even after Shinya
behaving abnormal for the day he slash his hand. The drummer did not tell his
lover what really had happen but after this past few day, Die really believe
nothing is unusual about his lover since he is behaving quite normal until
yesterday night where Shinya spoke in his dream.
Shinya look at his lover when he enters the kitchen, Die’s acting
strange. “ What’s up?” Shinya asked.
“ Mmm… nothing actually. Just seeing is the breakfast ready, we
going be late for practice.” Die decided not to ask now. “ Kaoru not in good mood
recently… you know.”
“ Is it because we’re absent?” Shinya ask as they take the food
into the living room. “ Didn’t he want us to complete the single arrangement?”
“ Don’t think so, anyway it suppose to be our holiday since he’s
the one who injure his arm and announces for the one week rest.”
“ Did Kaoru and Toshiya complete the work?”
“ Nope. Toshiya called me yesterday telling me he just back from
his hometown.”
“ He called you?”
Die look up at his lover then remembering last night what he had
heard from Shinya when he spoke in his dream. Realizing he should not tell
Shinya this suddenly, Die makes a nervous laugh trying to turn the topic.
“ He just calls to remind me to bring his disk he had left behind
on that day he came here.” Die stuff the remaining bread into his mouth. “
Shinya make it fast, we going to be late.”
“ Did he just call for this…” Shinya muttered softly.
Die did not hear what Shinya had said; he was busy with his
belonging. Die recall what Shinya had muttered yesterday night, it was not very
clear but somehow Die feel it is something related to the bassist.
Kaoru narrow his eyebrow as Die and Shinya enter the studio, they
were 5 minutes late but the bassist and their vocalist was still nowhere
seemed.
“ Good morning Kaoru-san.” Shinya greet politely, nervously.
10 minutes later…
Kaoru was tapping his finger on the table… loudly.
20 minutes later…
Die and Shinya was busy pretending themselves to be busy, not
daring to get close to their leader. Especially Kaoru mood was extremely bad
recently.
1 hour later…
“ Sorry… I…” Kyo standing at the door apologizing, sweatdrop to
see the look on their leader face.
“ WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HANDPHONE!?”
Kyo cover his ears from the shrieking of Kaoru, Shinya and Die
nearly jumps up from the sudden fright.
“ I… I left it somewhere else…” Kyo explained tensely.
Kaoru was glaring at him. “ Better make sure you have it with you
tomorrow and DON’T you DARE to be late again!” The high pitch of Kaoru voice
nearly broke the glass.
The door open again, this time their bassist was standing there.
Toshiya’s face was look plain, seem that he had heard the shrieking sound from
their leader. The rest of the members was well prepared, covering their ears
knowing Kaoru was going to yell again.
“ You…” Kaoru starts to talk but stopped.
“ I’m SORRY!” Toshiya apologized, looking paler then before.
“ You… taken your breakfast…?” Kaoru found himself blushing just
by looking at the bassist.
Shinya drop his drumstick, Die mouth wide open, and Kyo fell over.
All didn’t expect their leader to say this, trying their best to keep their
laughter.
Toshiya stand still, sweating. “ I have eaten…” Managed to answer
somehow from the most shocking moment, didn’t expect Kaoru to ask this question
instead of yelling at him.
Kaoru recover to his stern face realizing he had act like an
idiot. Making a cough hinting the others to start practicing before he starts
shouting again.
“ Not fair… huh.” Kyo mutter when he walk pass the bassist, making
a face to the bassist.
Am I over sensitive? Shinya look normal… didn’t he? Die was observing Shinya all the while during the day. The
drummer isn’t acting abnormal, he was even chatting and joking with the
bassist. Maybe it me who heard wrongly…
“ Die are you okay?” Toshiya asked when they
were resting. “ You look distract.”
“ Care for yourself, our leader seem badly influence by you.” Die
starts grinning, making fun of Toshiya. “ Why don’t you catch him over so he
won’t be yelling at you anymore even if you’re late for 10 hours.”
Die was laughing at this moment. It is always his hobbies to make
fun of the bassist and Shinya. Toshiya was blushing hard, knowing what the red
head really mean.
“ I regret asking you.” Toshiya pout and make a face toward Die. “
Huh…”
“ Oh… don’t be angry dear Totchi.” Die putting in more effort to
make fun of Toshiya. “ Don’t ask our leader-sama revenge for you, I will be
scare.”
Die was laughing hard. Toshiya knowing he can’t win in this
‘tongue war’ decided to change his tactic into using his hand. He pinch Die
without warning, making Die yell out in surprise and the war ended up in
struggling.
Kaoru just walked into the room, seeing Die and Toshiya seem cuddle
together, make him frown. Die was still trying to pinch the bassist and Toshiya
yelling for help, both was laughing madly.
Didn’t I ask you to killed him…
see how loving they are… did Die ever play with you like this…
Shinya heart starts beating fast.
Serve you right… who ask you to
change your mind in the end…
Staring at Die and Toshiya who was struggling.
You should have killed this bitch bassist at the
beginning…
BANG…
Die and Toshiya stop their ‘war’. All of them looked at the
direction where the loud sound came from only to see the drum-set on the floor
and Shinya was sitting still there.
At a very short moment, Die felt a bit of uneasy. He thought he
saw a hatred glare in Shinya when the drummer look at Toshiya but it
disappeared suddenly. Die was wondering had he see wrongly but it impossible;
that glare was making Die quiver.
“ What happened Shinya?” Kaoru asked.
“ Sorry, it was an accident, I push it over
accidentally.”
Kaoru did not ask further question and help
Shinya with the drum. Kyo and Toshiya did not say much either and start helping
up. Die looking at his lover, to the others, everyone know it not like what
Shinya had say. Wondering how many drummer can actually ‘accidentally’ push the
drum-set over.
The practice ended early that day.
“ Kyo wait for me.” Toshiya yelled as the
vocalist was leaving.
Kaoru look disappointed as Toshiya run after
Kyo. He had been thinking of inviting the bassist out for dinner but had not
find an excuse to do so and now Toshiya was leaving.
Kaoru sigh.
“ Bye Kaoru.” Toshiya say before closing the
door, not waiting for Kaoru to greet back.
Kaoru sigh again. He always a coward when come
to the person he love.
“ Why don’t you give Kaoru a chance? Isn’t he
already that obvious.”
“ He didn’t tell me anything.” Toshiya grin. “
He didn’t say he love me or…”
“ It because you never gave him a chance to be
alone with you isn’t it.” Kyo pout. “ You don’t expect him to express his love
for you with us all around?”
“ Did I?”
Upon hearing this Kyo take a glance at Toshiya
and shake his head. “ Idiot.”
Toshiya pout.
“ You have been hanging around with either one
of us and just like today, why are you running after me when you two have a
chance to be alone?”
“ Because it time to go home.”
Kyo nearly fell. Wondering is his friend
telling the truth or just trying to act innocent.
“ Ne… you know I’m not prepared for it.
Although it been almost a year from Die relation, I was kind of scare
suddenly.” Toshiya explained.
“ You still bother by that?” Kyo looking kind
of worried for his friend. “ You still love Die? He and Shinya are together now
isn’t it? It won’t be good if…”
Toshiya stops Kyo from further saying. He criticize
the vocalist saying, it is truth he is still bother by his relationship with
Die but that does not mean he still love the guitarist. It just that Toshiya
was afraid history would repeat again after he accepts Kaoru love. Knowing
himself could not take it again if Kaoru ditch him like Die did.
Toshiya love Kaoru now, wholeheartedly, and he
does not want to lie to Kyo nor himself. It was just his previous experience
that had held him back to start another relationship with their leader.
Kyo suggest Toshiya to tell Kaoru the truth so
that Kaoru may give Toshiya some time to adjust his feeling, Kaoru will if he
really love the bassist.
Toshiya rejected Kyo suggestion because he
does not want to hold Kaoru back. He did not know how long it would take for
him to adjust his feeling. It may be a long time, he can’t be selfish to keep
the one he love to wait for so long, Kaoru could find another person who was
worthy for him to love during this period.
“ If he had not find one until I can accept
new relation, it will be great that we can be together if we still love each
other.” Toshiya continue.
Kyo was somehow touch by Toshiya. The very
first time he had further understanding toward the bassist, Toshiya always look
like a flirt but the real him treated love seriously. Kyo in some way was a bit
angry at Die, if it weren’t Die who hurt Toshiya that badly in the first place,
Toshiya and Kaoru may have a wonderful relationship.
“ Heh, don’t start falling in love with me. I
have enough just with Kaoru.” Toshiya say jokingly.
“ Don’t be so thick skin.” Kyo pout and fight
back.
Toshiya didn’t say wrongly, Kyo nearly fall in
love with Toshiya at that moment. If it weren’t Toshiya breaking Kyo thought
making him feeling a bit of embarrasses. They both laughed.
“ Who is horning the car like crazy!”
Kyo narrow eyes and look around when the
horning sound was making him irritated. His sight stops at a car, at the same
time the car stop horning. Toshiya follow the vocalist sight and look at the
car as the person in the car walk out.
“ Gackt?” Toshiya look surprise.
TBC~
By Tsmrhara
[6/6/02]