Deep, deep
Part 6
The studio assistant finally left the
room leaving Kaoru behind with a pile of unfinished work for the leader to
complete and this is the time when Kaoru really hate being a leader of the
band. What make him felt worse now is
the incident that happened earlier on about the conversation between the
drummer and the bassist. Most of all, he hated himself because of that night
with the bassist, now he can’t face the bassist directly.
Kaoru let out a sigh, “ Was it really because
of my pride and guilt or is it because…?”
“ Kaoru-san, who are you talking to?” The
sudden voice had scared the leader out of the hell.
Kaoru jump up from the chair and turns to the
direction where the voice had come from, cold sweatdrop and eyes widen when he
had a clear view of that person whom he already had expected from the voice.
“ To... Toshiya!”
The bassist let out a grin when he saw the
nervous expression from their always clam leader. “ I bought you some food but
not in purpose because I’m back to take my bass and remember that you’re
staying behind to complete the work.”
“ You left your bass behind… I have not notice
just now… so kind of you to brought me some food…” Kaoru said anxiously trying
to hide his nervous.
“ You’re welcome!” Toshiya reply.
Toshiya walks to the corner of the studio
where he had place his bass. He carries it up with one hand and turn around
just the right moment to have eyes contact with Kaoru who is watching him. The
time around them seem to stop at the moment just for them. Looking into one
another eyes, both could feel electric shock sending down their body.
Kaoru regain his thought. At that moment, he
felt the bassist looks so gorgeous to him. The bassist long leg, the bassist
sexy body, and it let him remember the night he had spend with the bassist. The
touch, the scent, every feeling of the bassist suddenly feels so marvelous to
Kaoru.
“ Ahem…!” Toshiya let out a cough.
“ Err… I think I have to finish the work
fast.” Kaoru said and went back to the table anxiously.
“ I must get going now!” The bassist added and
walks out of the studio. “ Eat the food while it hot, see you!”
Kaoru did not look back but give a nod as his
answer. “ Good bye.” He added.
Toshiya increased his speed while walking down
the stair. His heart was still beating fast and his hand was sweating at the
moment he left the studio.
Shinya was walking to the studio where
he saw the red head; his heart skipped a bit. How he wishes he could run to the
red head and hugged him at that moment but he didn’t. Shinya slow down his
footstep, he did not know what to say to the red head.
“ Shinya.”
Die turns around, Shinya turns around.
Die saw the drummer, the drummer saw Toshiya running towards him. Die pouted.
Shinya sighed. Toshiya smiled at the drummer before he saw Die looking at them.
“ Good morning.” The drummer greets.
“ Ohayo Shin-chan… and Die.”
Die look at the bassist, Shinya look at
Die, and Toshiya stare at Die. Toshiya let out another smile, a cheerful one.
This is the first time the three of them was standing together ever since Die
and Toshiya had broke up.
“ Good…good morning.” Die said trying
to break up the sudden silent.
The three enter the studio.
Shinya was silent all the way.
Why is Die looking
nervous? Isn’t he always been cruel to Toshiya? Why he starts to get nervous when
Toshiya was around? Die still have feeling for Toshiya!?
Die expression was nervous.
Why Toshiya smiling
to me? He suppose to hate me!? Does Shinya’s love really changes his altitude!?
Toshiya was still wearing a smile on
his face.
Feeling scared now?
Wondering why I could still smile at you? Because I know you too well Die… the
more I be friendlier to you, the more you will feel nervous and once you feel
nervous, your beloved lover will starts to guess thing… hahaha… but this is not
the end, my love!
“ Good morning!” Kaoru greets when they
enter the studio.
Toshiya felt his heart beating faster
suddenly when he hear Kaoru’s voice. The passion yesterday rose from Toshiya’s
heart. “ O…Ohayo.”
“ Ohayo.” Shinya greet and went to his
drum set.
Die was staring at the bassist with
widen eyes while greeting their leader back. The bassist was blushing. This
kind of expression had not even happen when they were making love! Why is the
bassist having this expression now while looking at Kaoru!?
Toshiya and Kaoru??
The drummer was staring at Die who is
looking at the bassist. His heart ached when he sees the expression on Die’s
face. Die looks jealous! Is it because Toshiya smile to you again? No one could
resist the bassist smile… and especially when you had seemed his beautiful body
before. Are you feeling regret now!?
The practice went on smoothly except it
is quieter today without any conversation that is unnecessary. Kaoru was the
only one who is giving out instruction and Kyo doing the singing. Shinya was
burying himself in his drum set hardly lifting up his head to look at the
others because he was afraid that he might see Die looking at the bassist
again.
“ Aright, that’s it for today.” Kaoru
finally speaks out after so many hours of practicing.
Kyo was the faster out of all, he
disappear within a minute leaving behind the other four members. As usual,
Toshiya would go to the drummer and leave with him but today, the bassist had
notice the change of mood in the drummer and he know too well what is the
reason that had causes the change. Toshiya smiled, he know the drummer was
jealous.
“ Really to leave Shin-chan?”
Toshiya’s voice had waken the moody
drummer as well as the other two members. Kaoru take a fast glance at the
bassist, suddenly remembering of that emotional night and blushed. Die saw the
expression on the leader face, it was also the first time he saw his best
friend having this expression and the reason was because of the bassist.
What the fuck!!
Blushing while looking at each other!? Toshiya and Kaoru… since when…?
Anger abruptly rose within the red head
and all these was seem in the eyes of the drummer. Shinya felt his own heart
breaking, now he was at lost. At this very moment, Toshiya who was so eager to
get revenge had actually not noticing his unintentional action had work between
Shinya and Die getting their relationship drifting apart.
“ Not now. I’m having some work to
discuss with Kaoru-san.” Shinya reply coldly. “ You shall go first.”
Kaoru look at the drummer, mostly
because the reason which the drummer had make up suddenly but he nodded his
head. He knows there must be some reason behind if the drummer decided to make
up story.
Toshiya pouted. He knows the drummer
was telling a lied but he didn’t expect their leader to play along with him.
Worse of all, Toshiya had not realize that he was getting angry with Kaoru
because he seem to know the drummer so well and not because that Kaoru had
stirred up his plan.
“ Join me for dinner then!”
Shinya’s heart almost stops beating
when he hears that. Toshiya stared at Die, he had not expected this sentences
from the red head. Partly because of the sudden request and partly because of
his new chance of getting revenge, Toshiya agreed to go with the red head.
Toshiya and Die left the studio after
bidding goodbye to Shinya and Kaoru, leaving the depressed drummer and their
‘don’t know what happen that make him jealous’ leader behind.
It will be a marvelous time for Die to
have a good talk with the bassist whom he always wanted to have but due to the
red head sudden eruption of jealousy, he would properly miss the chance to have
a good talk with Toshiya.
Why am I feeling
jealous? Is it because of Toshiya? That can’t be possible because I love Shinya
but…
Back at the studio after Die and
Toshiya had left. Shinya could not take the pain anymore and burst out crying
in front of Kaoru. He didn’t expect himself to behaved like that because he was
the main cause of all the problem. He know he have to put in all responsibility
to solve everything but he was now getting mad and jealous of Toshiya.
“ Shinya…?” Kaoru was totally
unprepared of the sudden eruption of his bandmate.
What’s the hell
happening now? Has Die goes back to Toshiya that make Shinya…? But I thought
Shinya and Toshiya was together now?
Kaoru struck in confusion.
Jealousy, pain and anger erupted in the
drummer.
Die getting unaware about his feeling.
The bassist was not aware of the changes that
had occurred in his heart.
Part 7
Die was sitting in his car smoking and
letting the cool breeze to cool himself down. He could not believe himself to
be shaken so easily by Toshiya. He always thought his love for the bassist was
no longer existing and he was loving the drummer wholeheartedly but just
because of Kaoru, he eventually get jealous.
Why is it
so?
The feeling he has with the bassist
while having dinner just now was totally different. They had been together for
about a year but he had never felt this good before. He remembers that they
were mostly spending time in bed other than having dinner like that when they were
together. Mostly because at that time, the bassist was likely to be a
substitute of Shinya in Die’s heart. He never told Toshiya about it, he has
always treated the bassist as Shinya’s shadow and that why he says Toshiya was
the purest person in his eyes, which he is referring to the drummer.
Toshiya is a
substitute but then I started to see Toshiya’s shadow in Shinya…
Who is the
real substitute…?
He also never told Shinya about it, he
know he is selfish, he tried to remain his love for only one person and he
choose the person to be the drummer. Therefore he ignored the bassist since
they broke up even when Shinya reprimand him of being coldhearted.
Toshiya was humming some tune when he
walks back to his apartment. He had never thought that he and Die would have a
chance to have dinner like today. It still feel nice to have the red head
accompanied and most of all, he did not have any hatred for the red head at
that moment. He didn’t know why is that so.
Die loved
Shinya… that’s the conclusion!!
Shinya was nearby Die’s apartment. He
notices the light was not turn on; the red head was not home. Shinya could not
understand why he cannot have much believe in Die, why is he assuming Die has
change his heart just because of a simple incident today?
I always
believe that I own Toshiya something but I start to get mad at him now…
Kaoru left the studio an hour later
after Shinya had left. The drummer decides to be alone after the incident so he
left without Kaoru. Kaoru had finally asked Shinya about his relationship with
Toshiya and the answer given had finally make Kaoru realize his truth feeling.
He finally knows why is he feeling so unstable within himself.
[Flashback]
“ Are you feeling better now?”
Shinya nodded. He
suddenly feels so embarrasses for crying in front of their leader whom he
always respect. Kaoru pad him on the shoulder showing his encouragement, he
also decides to ask Shinya about the doubt in his mind.
“ Can you tell me
what’s going on with you, Die and Toshiya?”
Shinya just stare
at Kaoru in the beginning. He notices the change of expression when their
leader mention of Toshiya. Shinya guessed that Kaoru was in love with the
bassist.
Kaoru waited for
the answer.
“ You’re in love
with Toshiya?”
This sudden
question eventually strikes Kaoru. What Shinya had just mention had make him
realize his own feeling toward the bassist. He does not know since when he
starts to have feeling toward the bassist but he was sure now that he does
have. Out of a sudden, he does not want Shinya to answer his question but the
drummer had spoken out.
“ Let me figure up
our relation first before I tell you the answer.” Shinya simply answer the
leader.
Although Kaoru does
not have a clear answer, he felt relief. He was afraid to hear the answer that
the bassist did have a lover.
[End of Flashback]
Die drove back to
Toshiya’s apartment. He had make up a decision that is he should tell the
bassist his relation with Shinya or rather said to explain everything to the
bassist and ask for his forgiveness so that he can set his mind to be with the
drummer whom he decides to love. He knows that he can’t be selfish anymore
before he make thing worse.
Toshiya put on his bathrobe and walked
out of the bathroom when he heard his handphone ringing. The water was dripping
down from his body, leaving behind a trace of line toward the bed. Toshiya sits
on the bed and pick up his handphone, looking at the display screen where the
red head name appears. Bizarrely, Toshiya pressed on the answer button.
“ Moshi Moshi?”
There was a paused for a few second
before Die finally speaks up. “ Toshiya, are you free now?”
“ Yes, what’s the
matter?”
“ Can you come down
for a while? I’ve something to tell you, I’m downstairs of your apartment now.”
Die request knowing that it will be inconvenient for the vocalist to be around.
Feeling a bit
wired, wondering what’s make the red head to turn back again, Toshiya decides
to go. “ Sure, I’ll be down in 5 minutes time.”
Die was lighting up
another cigarette when he heard the bassist calling him. He put the cigarette
away and faces the bassist who was wearing a simple T-shirt and a pant but was
still looking good. Toshiya saw the expression on Die’s face; he didn’t
expected to see such serious expression on the red head and starts to get
uneasy.
“ So what’s up?”
Toshiya asked trying to change the atmosphere around. “ What make you turn
back?”
“ Something
important, I must tell you now.”
Toshiya had guessed
what the red head was trying to tell him at this point. He didn’t expect
himself to be so careless for letting the red head to have a chance to destroy
his plan of revenging.
“ What thing?”
Toshiya asked nervously.
“ My reason for
breaking up with you.”
Toshiya stared at
his ex-lover. Die looked into the eyes of the bassist without blinking, those
beautiful eyes and it was what Shinya don’t have. He used to kiss those pair of
eyes when he kiss the bassist but he never kiss the eyes of the drummer.
Toshiya stared onto
the ground, his heart was beating fast, his heart was hurting him suddenly. It
was worse than the time when Die break up with him. He doesn’t know why his
heart starts to get painful but it just like someone tries to tear it apart.
“ Toshiya actually
I …” Die was about to speak up when he heard the bassist muttering something.
“ Please… don’t
said it now. I don’t want to … listen … anything now.”
Die look at the
bassist who was still staring down onto the ground but this time, he saw tears
dropping down onto the ground from the bassist. Die slowly lifts the bassist’s
head up, he was confused why the bassist was crying but it seems to hurt the
red head this time to see the bassist crying.
Although confused,
Die holds the bassist closer to him and hugged him, letting the bassist to cool
down first. Toshiya clutched onto Die’s shirt and held him tightly, still
sobbing on Die’s shoulder.
For so long, I’ve been hoping that you give me a reason but now
why I hope that you won’t tell me anything? Is it because I’m afraid… but for
what!? Revenge?
“ Toshiya…? Are you
feeling better now?”
No!! It not because of revenging now, why didn’t I realize
earlier…? I don’t hate him anymore but since when?
Shinya wandered
down the street from Die’s apartment. These must be what the bassist had gone
through when he snatch Die away from the bassist. Now he could understand how
much pain and loneliness the bassist had suffered and it seem that it was his
retribution now to go through the same thing the bassist had gone through. For
an hour, he had wait for Die. But the more he look up at the empty apartment,
he starts to imagine things.
Will you return to Toshiya? Will you treat me like how you’ve
treat Toshiya if you dump me? Who can I blame if it really happened, it all my
fault…
“ Sorry, but I
can’t control myself just now.” Toshiya speak up first after the long
quietness.
Die let go of
Toshiya when he knows that the bassist will be alright now. This is when he
realizes he still cares a lot for the bassist. He do lied to Toshiya many time
but his concern for the bassist was always a fact although he does not show out
or might as well said he does not know how to. Shinya always reprimand him for
been cruel to the bassist but the drummer does not know that he was actually
trying hard to keep his distance away from the bassist.
Because I was afraid that I might really fall in love with you… I
already have Shinya and I love him first.
“ Sorry!” Die said suddenly. “ Do you
know I’ve been making use of you all the way.”
Toshiya remains
silent. He didn’t expect the red head to be so straightforward.
“ I have been
treating you as a shadow of someone I love, I never thought I can be with him
so I taking you as a replacement of him but I was so afraid suddenly because I
starts to see your shadow in him now.”
Die’s voice starts to shake. “ I never tell him this but it seem that
I’ll be hurting both of you now if I said it out.”
Toshiya pouted.
“ I know it may be
unfair to you but I’ve decides to ……” Die stop when someone interrupted him.
Die look at that
person together with Toshiya, both dumbfound.
“ Is what you’re
saying just now the truth, Die?” That person asked. “ You’ve been seeing
Toshiya in me?”
“ SHINYA!?”
Part 8
Shinya was standing there staring at
Toshiya and Die, waiting for the red head to give him an answer. He didn’t
expect to hear these words from his lover. He always thought he was the only
one the red head love, but now it seem to Shinya that the red head do love the
bassist and was seeing the bassist’s shadow in him.
Maybe I have too much believe in
myself…but he told me he only love me didn’t him!?
Shinya was wandering on the street
after he left Die’s apartment when he suddenly think of the bassist. He decides
to look for the bassist but never did he expect what he had heard just now when
he arrival. The tears starts to strain down the drummer’s face as time pass
when he waits for the red head to reply him. The pain in his heart increase but
still he remains calm and wait for the answer.
“ Shinya I…”
Die wanted to explain to the drummer but then he stopped.
Toshiya just stand still waiting for the red
head to continue, Shinya waited too, wishing that Die would give him a good explanation.
The tears on the drummer’s face were killing Die’s heart. He wanted so much to
hug Shinya tightly and comfort him with all sort of reason that will stops the
tears but then he didn’t. Instead, Die decides to say out his truth feeling, he
does not want to lie anymore, to either Shinya or Toshiya.
“ I’m sorry Shinya…” Die continued.
Shinya felt his heart frozen, the red head was
apologizing to him and that mean what he had heard was truth.
“ I know I was so selfish, I’ve been lying to
both of you. I didn’t expect things will turn out like that, I’ve really been
doing my best to keep my feeling but I just realize that I had fail to do so.
Believe me Shinya, I do really love you.” Die’s voice is shaking badly.
“ What… do you mean you really love me… then
what about Toshiya… how can you say you really love me when you also love
him…!?” Shinya tremble.
“ I didn’t know why… but when I realize it,
there’s already a place in my heart for Toshiya.”
Shinya clutch up his fist, his body was
trembling badly, and tears were streaming down his cheek.
I should have realize it earlier on… I should have… I should have…
why things will turn up like that…
Toshiya was dumbfounded.
Die still loves me?? I should be happy to hear that, I’ve been
longing for this word but why I have no feeling now…? Instead, I feel sad for
Shinya… it shouldn’t be like this…
A loud slapping sound was heard.
Toshiya regain his thought from the sound and saw Die holding onto his chin and
Shinya just putting down his hand. Die did not say anything and was standing
still hoping anyone could tell him what to do now.
“ Shinya…” Toshiya speaks up softly, feeling a
bit frighten of his bandmate.
Shinya wipe his tears away then he smiled.
Toshiya felt guilty suddenly.
Die was so distress to said anything.
“ It should turn up to be like this!”
“ This is what I should deserve to
snatch your lover away!”
“ Now I should suffer everything you
have gone through!”
“ You need not feel bad about it,
things had only gone back to the beginning!”
“ I have been lying to you, I only
agreed to be your lover because I want to make up something for you, but now
I’m free!”
“ Toshiya, I’m sorry to hurt you but
now I don’t own you anything! Die is all yours now!”
Die was stun to hear what the drummer had say,
doesn’t that mean the drummer was breaking up with him? He decide to tell them
the truth only because he don’t want to lie to them anymore but he didn’t want
thing to end up like this, he did not want to break up with the drummer.
But why am I speechless now…?
“ What do you think you are, Shinya!”
Toshiya exclaimed.
Shinya was brought back from his depression
from the bassist shouting. The bassist seem to be angry, why must he?
“ First
you two betray me together then trying to make thing up for me. Now you’re
giving him back to me!? WHAT ARE YOU TAKING ME FOR!!??” The anger in Toshiya finally erupted out.
He had been thinking throughout everything
that had happened around him, he always wanted so much to take revenge on Die
and Shinya but then he realize that he had already forgiven them although he
does not know when. Now things seem to be going back to normal but then Die say
out his feeling and Shinya giving up in the relationship!?
“ Toshiya…sorry I didn’t mean it, I know it
unfair to you, you just get to know everything so suddenly, I know it hard for
you to accept it but…!” Shinya trying to explained.
“ No, you listen to me Shinya!” Toshiya yell.
“ I know it… I know it was you who… betray me …since long ago, I know it all
the way.”
Both Die and Shinya was stunned. So Toshiya
does know about their relationship since long ago but then why is he still
going after Shinya, how could he be so relax in front of them?? Both of them
wondered.
“ I was waiting to get my revenge from you
two, I was hurting Shinya, making him miserable, I was trying to tear up your
relationship! See now, I don’t deserve you to feel so much guilt Shinya!”
“ You’re trying to break us up!?” Shinya
asked. “ Then why are you telling us the truth now? Isn’t it what you want?”
Shinya pouted.
Die’s mind was in chaos.
“ ……I like you Shinya!” Toshiya gave an answer that shocks the other two.
“ You what…!?”
“ No, I like Shinya, not LOVE!”
“ Toshiya, what are you trying to said?” Die
asked.
“ It truth that I like Shinya, this
fool keeps on blaming everything to himself but it was not totally his fault.
He can just ignore me and enjoy the time with you but he did not. It will be bad if I continue to hate him.
Although I did not know when but I know I don’t hate him anymore.”
Silent remained for some time.
“ So you’re making use of me all the time, so
I’m really a fool…” Shinya speak out. “ So NICE of you to tell me this and I
can’t blame you at all because I’m the one at wrong first! Is it what you’ve
been thinking!?”
“ Shinya!? It not what you are saying! Really,
I was sorry for making use of you but can’t we smooth thing out now? You did
betray me once didn’t you? Now let’s forget the past…”
“ You think it work!?” Shinya cut down Toshiya
word. “ Do you think I can still treat nothing had happen and be with Die
again? Can you tolerate if your lover’s heart have someone else!?”
“ Shinya, I…”
“ You shut
up!!” Shinya shouted at the Die before he can say anything.
Toshiya was stun at the reaction of the
drummer. He had not seem the drummer getting so angry before, he had not see
the drummer shouting at others before but now Shinya was showing out his temper
at them.
“ I DON’T THINK IT WILL STILL BE THE SAME!!”
“ Shinya, please cool down!” Toshiya said.
“ CUT OFF YOUR ACTING!!” Shinya exclaim and
shove the bassist’s hand away. “ Toshiya… you are incredibly clever! You choose
the right time to show us your kindness and at the same time, I was still the
wrong one if I get mad at you!”
Shinya…??
“ Cool down, Shinya!” Die holding the drummer.
“ Toshiya don’t mean it, you should know.”
“ GREAT! Side him as you like and get him
back!”
“ SHINYA! Please be more reasonable!!” Die
exclaim.
“ I’m like that! This ‘s the real me! DIE-
KUN!”
Toshiya was dumbfounded. He really means what
he had say earlier on but he could not understand why Shinya was getting so
unreasonable suddenly.
“ Shinya… I’m…” Toshiya was trying to explain
to the drummer when a sharp pain strikes on his face.
“ SHINYA!!” Die exclaims and pulled the
drummer away.
Shinya slap me!? He slaps me!! He…
“ Toshiya, are you alright?” Die asked.
The bassist nods his head although his was
getting mad at the drummer. Shinya saw the caring in Die for the bassist,
jealousy rise in him. He broke free from the grip of the red head and run away
leaving the other two staring at his vanishing back.
Side story 1
It’s time for you to choose
Who you love…!
Shinya runs away like mad.
Die did not go after him.
[“ Die, go after Shinya.” I said. ]
[“ It’s no use, he won’t listen to
anyone now, you should know.” He replies.
What Die said is truth, although it’s not a
long time I know Shinya but I know he is the type of person who will not listen
to anybody when he is angry. If you try to talk to him at this time, you will
only end up with a worse result.
Shortly then we realize we are left together
alone, standing facing one another, looking at one another. Our face redden,
our smile follow by then we start laughing at our silly reaction.
Maybe it was now that I finally realize
my feeling… Die will be a good friend to anyone or at least for me.
It feels so nice to have his
accompanied.
Always thinking that it was love,
therefore at the time he left me…
I have mistaken the sadness for pain.
People used to say: ‘one can know
whether it is love or like is by knowing the pain. If it is love, you’ll feel
the pain but if it is like, you’ll only feel sad!’
When he left me, I feel sad!
Yes, I feel sad when Die left me but I
did feel the pain only that it was not for Die.
The painful feeling…
The day I woke up alone in an
unfamiliar hotel room, which supposes to have two of us.
I know I was with him that night, but
he left me alone in the next morning.
I didn’t know why he left me alone,
until now there was still no explanation because he thought I don’t know about
it.
Why I have not realized at that time, I
was feeling pain… so painful in my heart.
When did I start loving him?
Kaoru…
“ Toshiya, are you alright? What are you thinking about?” Die
asked looking at me who was staring deep into don’t know whatever.
I looked at him again; I give him a smile and nod my head. He
seems to feel relief; maybe he was worry that I was badly affected by the
incident earlier on. So I was now sure of my feeling toward Die, how should I
tell him now? I was about to fall back to my thought again when I felt Die
holding my hand.
“ Sorry Toshiya, for everything.” He said.
I can see the sincere in his eyes. He was truly sorry about
everything this time. Anyway, I know I would not blame him anymore.
“ I accept your apologize and this will also be the last time. I
hope there’s no need for another time.”
He finally let out a smile from his heart. A real Die’s smile that
I have not seems for a long time.
“ So what do you intend to do next?” I asked.
Die let go of my hand.
I know he would and that’s what I wanted.
“ Do you believe what I had said just now?” Die finally speaks
out. “ You have a place in my heart.”
I nod my head.
“ Shinya had say the right thing too, how could I said I love him
if I also love you at the same time.” He continues. “ But the fact is that I do
love both of you, I may be unfair to tell you this but I have to.”
“ You will choose Shinya.” I cut into Die word.
He smiles. He knows I will
guess the right thing.
Our laughter follow by, and that’s will be an ending of our love
and hate. When we realize or when we know what we should do, thing will always
lighten up for us. We have know well,
when the next day arrival, we will become friend – real friend.
“ One last time…” both of us said almost at the same time.
Die gave me a hug, which I hug him back tightly. Our lips meet and
our last passion kiss ended shortly.
“ I love you…” Die said softly beside my ear. “ I never say it to
you when we were together, so let it be the first and last time.”
“ I like you…too”
It will always be a time for you to
choose who you really love…
I slowly walk to the lift, Die following
behind me. “ So what do you intend to tell Shinya?” I asked while pressing the
button.
“ The truth.” He replies.
“ Everything? Including our kiss and hug just
now?” I said jokingly.
“ Do you think I will?”
Both of us laughed. “ I doubt you will.”
The lift door open up, I turn and say
goodnight to Die before entering the lift. He stood unmoved and greets me back.
The door slowly close up as Die suddenly block it with his hand. “ Toshiya!” He
added while the door opens up again.
“ Do you have someone you love now?” He asked.
I think for a while as the door starts to
close back again. Die hesitates for a while before he let go of his hand to let
the door close.
Before the door was thoroughly close up, I nod
my head and Die smile.
“ You must be happy too!!” He exclaim as the
door close up.
I stood in the lift, suddenly feeling my face
blush. Why I think of him when Die asks this question, I wonder.
| The End |
Part 9
Shinya was running down the path along
Toshiya’s apartment, there was not even a single soul around at this time. Tears
was streaming down his face, his heart was pounding fast after running for some
distance. His hand was still burning after giving both Toshiya and Die each a
slap. His speed starts to slow down, he could not catch his breath and finally
he stop down at the turning junction.
“ STUPID DIE!!” Shinya yelled as he turns
around but did not see Die came chasing after him, which he had expected the
red head to do so. “ You don’t even bother to chase after me!”
After staring for a while Shinya give up and
stood down on the path. He was clutching his fist firmly just in case Die did
turn up so that he can give him another blow and forgive him if Die apologize,
maybe he will forgive him, maybe if Die apologize now. His firmly hold fist
soften at the moment he think of it, his anger smooth down, his eyes redden
again.
Shinya was crying bitterly, not caring
anyone seeing him like that. His heart was broken, totally shattered by the one
he love!
This terrible weekend finally ended with
someone hurt, someone confuse, someone feeling relax, someone realizing his
truth feeling and someone doing nothing accept for sleeping. Follow by was
Monday, the day for the band practices.
Kyo was surprisingly the first one to reach
the studio. “ Where is everyone?” He wondered, within a while later he was
found sleeping on the sofa when Kaoru arrival.
“ Good morning!” Toshiya was the third one to
arrival.
Kaoru was the only one greeting the bassist
back. He had notice how refreshing the bassist look, maybe something good
happen to him he thought and felt happy suddenly. Maybe this is what others had
said; when the person you like is happy, you would also feel happy. Kaoru was
smiling all the way while reviewing his study. Toshiya was staring confusingly
at their leader.
“ Are you alright Kaoru-san?”
Kaoru sweatdrop when he realizes how he had
been smiling like idiot all the way. He gives the bassist a silly face and both
laugh. Toshiya lighten up, this is the first time Kaoru behave like this in
front of him as their leader had always put on a serious face.
Toshiya felt satisfied. He doesn’t need Kaoru
to love him or do anything for him. All Toshiya want is the relationship they
are having now, just friend, bandmate and that’s all. Deep inside Toshiya, he
still has some rejection against falling in love. He was afraid to get hurt,
afraid to lose the one he love again. He completely understands he could take
another blow.
Kaoru was staring at Toshiya who was smiling
dreamingly to himself. It had been a long time since he sees the bassist
behaving like this. If it were the past, he will not feel anything but thing
was different now, it seem that he had fall deeply in love with the bassist.
Kaoru was laughing again.
Toshiya was still smiling dreamingly.
They notice one another behavior; again they
broke out laughing without knowing what really happening to the other one.
The door open suddenly had distracted Kaoru
and Toshiya joy. Standing at the door was Shinya and behind of Shinya was Die.
The smile on Toshiya’s face faded as he recalls the incident that happened two
days ago. Since that day, Toshiya only receive a call from Die telling him that
Shinya is aright and he had not seen them till.
Shinya and Die enter the studio, Die giving
Toshiya a smile secretly hinting him that everything is still going on well but
his smile had already been noticed by Kaoru and Shinya. Shinya was heading
directly to his drum set after giving Toshiya a glared without the bassist
noticing. Kaoru take a glance at Die then to Toshiya and Shinya, something must
be wrong.
Kaoru was the first one to break the silent.
The practice that day was quiet. There was no
unnecessary conversation, especially no conversation between Toshiya and
Shinya. After the practice, they had dinner together, mainly being pull along
by Kyo who insist having dinner together before letting them off.
The dinner was tasteless for everyone accepts
for Kyo who is enjoying his meal without noticing what’s going on. Kaoru was
sitting in front of Toshiya beside Shinya and Die was sitting beside Toshiya in
front of Shinya.
“ So what do you all think about the concert
stage?” Kaoru is trying to break the quietness.
Knowing that Kaoru was trying to help out, Die
immediately expands the topic. “ How about the lighting, don’t you think it is
too bright?” Die said and look at Toshiya and Shinya for answer.
“ Leave the lighting to the worker.” Shinya
simply answer and continue eating his food hoping to finish it soon and leave
the place.
Toshiya was getting mad now. What wrong have
he make? Why should he let Shinya showing him cold-shoulder like that? If were
to said who had the right to be angry, that person should be Toshiya himself
and not the drummer who had snatch his lover! He had be remaining quiet all the
while because he was afraid to say anything that will anger Shinya and this is
mainly for Die’s good.
Toshiya is giving up now! Why should he care
so much for them! He starts to increase his speed of eating…
Kaoru sulk.
Die sweatdrop. He could feel that Toshiya was
getting angry and Shinya was still ignoring him.
Speechless… quietness…
5 Minutes later.
“ Excuse me, I’ve finish and wish to leave
first!” Toshiya stand up saying and left without waiting for anyone reply.
Kaoru did not stop him, maybe letting the
bassist leave will be better or at least this is what Kaoru thought. Shinya
still remain unmoved, just like he had heard nothing. Kyo properly was the only
one waving his hand to Toshiya saying goodbye and Die just look at the
vanishing back of Toshiya.
“ Excuse me too!” Die said suddenly.
Shinya look at the red head, at the back of
his lover who was now properly running after the bassist as Die was walking
toward the direction of the exit. Kaoru was unpleased wondering what Die was
trying to do.
Shinya grip onto his spoon tighter, he did not
let his anger and jealousy show on his face but what he was thinking now was
that it would be great if a car runs down Toshiya now.
“ Toshiya!” Die called out when he saw the
bassist was about to cross the road not caring others staring at him.
Toshiya was surprise to see the red head, he
stop and wait for Die. Why is he trying to do? Coming after me like that with
Shinya around?? Toshiya pout upon thinking of his second question, why should
he worry again!?
“ What’s up?” Toshiya asked when Die
approaches.
“ Sorry, for what happen today!” Die
apologizes. “ I know it not good to be treated like this especially when it not
even your fault but please don’t get mad at Shinya. I’m sure he just could not
think through now but it will be alright soon!”
“ You just want to apologize?” The anger in
Toshiya smoothens down.
Die nod his head. Toshiya starts to giggle
suddenly.
“ Since when you have become such a great
lover?” Toshiya was still giggling. “ Running after me just to apologize for
your lover?”
“ Toshiya!!” Die pretends to get angry.
Then the laughter fades out. Die was looking
serious now. “ This is just a little thing that I should do because I’m the
main causer of this situation.”
Paused…
“ I’m really happy, you really change a lot for
Shinya!” Toshiya was also looking serious. “ It would be good if things work
out soon for both of you.”
“ Thanks!”
“ But I don’t think it’s a great idea to come
after me like that when your lover just forgive you!” Toshiya said jokingly.
“ No, he had not forgiven me.” Die answer
while he starts to walk back to the restaurant.
“ Didn’t you two come together today? I
thought he had?” Toshiya was puzzle.
“ It just me sticking to him!” Die said and
wave goodbye to the bassist. “ See you!”
No wonder they have not been talking the whole
day. Toshiya recall and understand what Die was telling him. He cross the road
and walk the opposite direction from Die.
Die went back to the restaurant. Kaoru and Kyo
was the only persons he saw, he approaches them and before he had said
anything, Kyo cut into him. “ Shinya had left.” It was the only thing he said
to Die.
“ See you guys…” Die said and wave goodbye to
them.
“ Die!” Kaoru stop Die who was about to leave.
“ Can we have a talk?”
Die was in a hurry to look for Shinya to
explain why he had go after Toshiya but the serious expression on Kaoru had
stop him from leaving. Die agreed to stay with Kaoru to have a talk with
him.
Kaoru and Die was sitting at the counter, as
there are lesser people around. Kyo was told to leave first, although he was
unwilling to leave like that but he did not disobey their leader especially
when Kaoru had that kind of serious expression.
“ Can you tell me what’s going on with you,
Shinya and Toshiya?” Kaoru start the conversation.
Die hesitated for a while. Kaoru waiting
patiently for Die to answer his question, he wanted to know it in either case
no matter it is for the band or as a friend. Thing will not work out properly
if Toshiya and Shinya continue to be like that. To what he had known, Toshiya
and Shinya was once having a good relationship but why is now that they are
behaving like this.
“ It was all my fault!” Die finally speak up
and Kaoru listen patiently.
Die tells Kaoru what had been going on, what
he had done that had cause this situation. Kaoru finally get to know
everything, at first he was damn angry with the red head but after knowing what
Die had plan to do, he anger smoothen down.
In the other hand, Kaoru was happy in some way
when he knows that Toshiya was not with Shinya or Die. At first he actually
thought that Toshiya and Shinya was snatching Die with one another and as a
result their relation worsen but he is relief now.
Or at least he have chance as Toshiya was
single now…
“ Die I hope you would straighten out
everything with Shinya soon! I don’t want these thing to distract our band or
the coming concert.” Kaoru said before leaving. “ I hope you understand what I
trying to said.”
“ I know!” Die answered. “ See you tomorrow!”
“ Bye!” Kaoru answered.
They turn to different directions. Kaoru
heading back home and Die heading to Shinya’s place.
TBC~
By Tsmrhara
27/03/2002