I
believe all of us were exhausted when the whole tour finally ended and that
mean our holiday was starting, every one of us was excited about it. Maybe
except Toshiya, Die and myself. I had told myself that after the tour, I would
make thing clear between the three of us. Surprisingly, instead it was I asking
Die out, I did not expect that it turn up to be Die dating me out. He told me
that he had something to tell me, what is it? I asked myself, pretending not
knowing anything.
It was
about Toshiya… I guessed.
Die was
already there when I reach; as usual those beautiful ladies were surrounding
him. He waves to me the moment he saw me, which was unlike other time when he
hint me to wait for him when those beautiful ladies surround him. Does that
mean that he really had something important to discuss with me tonight.
Maybe
deep inside me, I had start trying to avoid Die from telling me anything, which
I do not wish to hear. I was afraid that he was going to tell me that he and
Toshiya was now together.
Die was
walking to me, and was smiling to me. “ You’re late.”
We take
a sit at the counter and I order a cocktail. We start chatting for a while as
usual, chatting about anything that happened around the band. It was always Die
hearing me out when I asked him about thing relating to love for the last few
time we were here.
It
seems different today.
“ So
what’s you gonna tell me?” I asked, deciding that it was time to stop all those
nonsense we were talking about.
“ It
was about Toshiya.”
Die was
in love with Toshiya, he told me this. He wanted to tell Toshiya about it but
he knows that Toshiya was in love with someone else. Toshiya had told him that
if the person he loves still would not do anything about their relationship.
Toshiya had decided to give up in their relationship.
I did
not know why Die was telling me this. Did he know anything about Toshiya and
me?
“ So you
know anything about that person?” Die asked.
Die did
not know the person is me? He was just simply asking me for help?
“
Kaoru!” I heard Die shouted behind me. I left the place without a second
thought. No matter what Die had known or whether he really did not know
anything, all I have to say to him is ‘I’m sorry’.
Die
stare at Kaoru disappearing back before he settle back on his sit. He did not
expect Kaoru would have such reaction; it was faster than he had expected. Was
he on his way to look for Toshiya, Die wonder?
~~~
Toshiya
had just finished his bath and was walking out of the bathroom. He had heard
his mobile beeping the moment he enter his room, it was a reminder to him that
there is message earlier on send to him. Wondering whom it was sending him the
message, he presses the button and Die name appear with the message: [Was Kaoru
there?] The message appears.
Kaoru?
Toshiya
wonder for a while what Die mean. The message was sent 15 minutes ago.
Toshiya
dial Die mobile.
“
Hello?” Die answer after a few rings.
“ What
do you mean by the message?” Toshiya asked without waiting.
“ Oh,
you’re rude.” Die tease, purposely wanted to delay some time. “ Nothing, it
just I had told Kaoru that I was in love with you and there he is gone within
second.”
“ You
what! I thought it suppose…” Toshiya stopped when he heard the doorbell. “ Is
he here?” Die asked, properly had heard it too.
Toshiya
goes to the door and peek through the door hole. “ I call you back in a while.”
Toshiya apologize after he confirms that the man at the door was Kaoru.
~~~
The
phone had hang up. “ Oh heartless soul, throwing me backs like this again,
‘like husband like wife’.” Die pretend to weep, referring to Kaoru and Toshiya,
just then he saw a hot babe walking into the pub.
“ New
target huh?” The bartender tease, knowing Die was always looking for new target
in the pub and would never let go of chances like this when the woman had came
alone. “ She is walking toward here.”
Die
takes a slip of his wine and turn back facing the bartender. “ Another glass
please.”
The
bartender hands another glass to Die as the lady take a seat beside Die. “ Care
to treat me for a drink?” The lady asked.
“
Sorry, not in the mood.” Die apologies and walks away.
Bartender:
Huh? @_@?
~~~
“
What’s bring you here?” Toshiya asked when he led me into his house. I was
keeping quiet, how should I say now? I had rush all the way here after knowing
that Die was in love with Toshiya and all that was in my mind at the moment was
to tell Toshiya that I love him and I had decide that I would do it this time.
I’m
sorry for being so selfish Die but Toshiya is mine and I won’t give in to you
even you’re my best friend.
I took
a deep breath. “ Toshiya I…” I was stuck again; I curse myself for my lack of
courage.
Toshiya
was standing there unmoved, waiting for me to continue, which I did not and we
just stand there looking at one another for the next five minutes.
Do
it now!
I tell
myself, I warn myself, before Toshiya really leave me and goes to Die. I do not
want this to happen… “ Toshiya… I…” The words just would not come out from me.
Tell
him now!
Do
it now Kaoru!
I keep
encouraging myself.
Finally,
I close my eye and took another deep breath before opening it again. “ Toshiya
I love…”
“ I
love you Kaoru.” Toshiya exclaimed stopped me from finishing my sentences.
I was
stun for a moment and again we were standing there looking at one another, then
our face blushed and we broke into laughter. I did not expect Toshiya would
brut out something like that.
“ I
love you too!” I never want to miss this chance to tell him this; especially
this is a given chance to me. I would hate myself if I did not say it out but
now it just feel so good just by telling him what was inside me all the while.
No
more brother love… it was pure love… true love for you…
Toshiya
blushed harder.
Silent
rise again…
I just
stare at Toshiya who was looking at me back. Since when did he become so
beautiful, I was quite surprise when I realize the man standing in front of me
had feel so different to me out of a sudden. I never know he was so beautiful
until this moment, everytime I saw him, it was his smile that had attract me most
because it look like my brother and now I know it was Toshiya who had attract
me and no longer the smile of my brother because I love him now.
It
was the love for a lover.
“ I
love you, truly, Toshiya.” I held him close to me and whispered to him follow
by a kiss on his soft lips.
“ The
first time ne…” Toshiya giggle. “ You kiss my lips.”
I
laughed and Toshiya told me that my face is crimson. It really feel good to let
the one you love to know it, I felt so stupid for hiding my feeling for so
long. I would never enjoy this blissful feeling if it not for Die’s ‘kick’ to
let me face my true feeling toward Toshiya, I may have loss this wonderful
lover.
Remembering
of Die, I decide to tell Toshiya about it. Maybe we should tell Die about our
relationship before he really gets mad at us for hiding from him and the truth
about Die was in love with Toshiya, I believe it would be better to let Toshiya
know first.
“ And
this is actually what happened huh?” I rubbed my temple knowing that I had been
treated as a fool all this while by the two after Toshiya tells me that
everything was actually Die plan. I should be thankful to Die if it were not
his plan, maybe I may have not told Toshiya about my feeling and maybe making
thing worse between the two of us.
“
Angry?”
“ Well…
see how you would pleased me now.” I teased.
Lucky
it was just a plan… >__<; I was so afraid that I would have to compete
with Die in the beginning.
~~~
[Beep]
Die
look at his mobile, one message received.
He give
a sighed, he had left the pub early today and had been wandering down the
street doing nothing as he do not feel like going home early. Maybe he should
treat the lady earlier on and now he may be with the lady companied, Die gave
up the idea immediately. He was extremely in no mood today…
“ So
boring… maybe I should find a stable girlfriend.” Die was muttering as he
pressed the button on his mobile, Toshiya name appears.
A
smiled appeared on his face.
[Thanks
Die! Your plan really work, Kaoru…] Die did not continue reading the message,
he pressed the delete button and eraser it. “ My plan huh?” Die given an edgy
laugh.
“ Maybe it is a plan at first…”
“
Holiday!” Toshiya happily exclaimed clutching onto my arm as we board the plane
together. This is the happiest moment for Toshiya because he can finally travel
for a holiday with the man he love, especially when our doubt was clear and
everything seem going on well for us. I was certainly happy too; having the man
I loves beside me now.
“ Don’t be overjoyed, behaved Toshiya.” I sound like teaching a
child and of course Toshiya pouted and make a face at me. We broke into
laughter. I felt so content now. If I
were to know that I will be so blissful when our problem was solve, I would
have do it long ago, anyway we were together now and I would try all I can to
maintain our relationship, firstly, it was to treat this man with all my love.
“ Toshiya.” I glance at him when I think of that.
“ Huh?” Toshiya stare at me with those pair of innocent eyes.
I smiled at him. “ Nothing, just that I found myself so much in
love with you.” I whispered to him. Toshiya face becomes crimson. “ You
becoming too mushy Kaoru.”
He was right. After that night when we expressed our love, I would
tell him whatever that was in my mind without hiding. I want Toshiya to know
almost every single thing that I was happy about because I want him to be happy
too especially after so much time we had wasted.
Toshiya rested his head on my shoulder after we had a long chat,
as there was still a long way to go before we reach our destination. He was
thinking of something I believe and I decide not to disturb his thought after I
fail to get his notice for the first time. Soon he falls asleep. I recalled the
passed and was grateful to Die for helping us, if it weren’t him, I would not
know that having Toshiya with me, chatting and watching his every movement
would make me so content.
The
footsteps sound stopped in front of the studio. Die was surprise that the door
was not lock. Who was back during the band off day? Die thought as he opens the
door. Somehow in his heart, he wishes it were ‘him’.
“ Die?” Shinya was the one inside the studio. “ What’re you doing
here?”
There was a slight disappointment in Die. “ It’s you…”
Shinya notice the trail of sadden in the man expression. “ Die,
you’re not feeling well?” Shinya walks to his friend and place his hand on the
bigger man forehead, feeling Die temperature.
“ I’m okay.” Die moved away from the drummer. “ I’m back to get my
stuff.”
Shinya sweatdrop. Something was very wrong with Die. Firstly there
was no grin on his face, secondly he did not make fun of the drummer and
lastly, he had come to the studio to get his stuff which he would never do so
unless necessary because the red head would rather spend his free time at some
kind of pub with the accompanied of those beautiful ladies.
Die must have notice the drummer doubt face and force a smile out.
“ Shinya baby, is it that you felt lonely without being make fun of by me huh?”
Die grin.
Shinya threw the file at Die, getting annoy thinking that he had
waste his precious time to get worried for Die. “ Ouch… it hurt.” Die protested
while rubbing his face. “ What are you doing here?”
“ You’re asking me what am I doing here!” Shinya voice had
increase out of a sudden. “ Kyo disappeared totally, Kaoru and Toshiya went for
holiday and I don’t count on you to do all this right!” Shinya slam a pile of
document in front of Die. “ Who gonna finish this if I was also away for my
holiday huh!”
Die smiled faded when he heard that. It was not that he does not
know anything about it but he just does not feel good on hearing that. Die
sighed and sit down in front of the drummer. “ I help you with it.” Die said
and start opening out the file.
Shinya nearly get a heart attack and fall down onto the floor form
the chair. “ Die…?” He stares blankly at the man. Helping me…? Shinya had
sweatdrop for the second time of the day.
What am I going to do for this whole week? Die sighed and take
another slip of wine. “ You are here alone today?” The bartender asked while
passing another new glass of wine to Die. “ Where is that beautiful man?” The
bartender asked referring to Toshiya who had visit this pub for a few time with
Die.
“ Nuisance.” Die was slightly drunk.
The bartender kept quiet. He was not angry with Die for saying
that, he had know Die for a few years and this was the first time Die was
getting so serious with him for a joke.
“ I’m sorry.” Die apologized when he realized what he had said. “
I didn’t really mean it.”
The bartender give Die a smiled hinting that everything was all
right. “ You can share with me your problem if you want.” Die merely gives a
laugh. “ You can’t help me.” Die expression was so miserable when he said that.
A glass of cocktail was place in front of Die this time. “ Wine
won’t help, take this cocktail instead.” Die looked at the man and to the
cocktail. “ What’s this?” He asked.
“ ‘Speak from your heart’.”
Die laughed. “ What kind of name is that.”
“ Speak
from you heart, see thing from your heart and do thing from your heart. It mean
follows what your heart think.”
Follow my heart? Can I? “ I can’t…” Die muttered. “ I was in love
with him, but I was also the one who had help him with his relationship.” Die
taste the cocktail.
“ Why did you help him in the first place?”
“ I really wanted to help him in the beginning and when they are
finally together… it was then that I …”
“ That you realized you have fall in love with him?”
Die said nothing and left the pub. The bartender was right and Die
does not want to admit it.
I had just finished talking with Shinya when Toshiya walks out of
the bathroom. His hair was so wet, hence I asked him to sit down and I wipe it
dry for him. This was also something that will make me happy. “ Who’s it?”
Toshiya asked.
“ Shinya.” I merely answered and was enjoying wiping his hair. “
He had just finished the document.”
Toshiya pouted when he hears that. “ You are such a workaholic.”
“ There’s something interesting there.” I remember what Shinya had
said. “ Die was there to helped Shinya up.” I was also surprise when Shinya
told me about Die helping him on the document.
“ Is it? What was Die doing there? Toshiya was also laughing.
“ Maybe he’s after Shinya.”
We broke out laughing. “ Maybe.”
It wasn’t right… It just doesn’t feel right… it seemed that
something was lack of, between us.
“
What’s the matter?” I asked when I notice that Toshiya was so focus in his
thought. He just shakes his head and gives me his topical smile. A week had
passed and our holiday had ended. During this week, we had visit so many places
and Toshiya was enjoying himself although sometime he would start daydreaming
like what had happened just now. Anyway we were just so happy with the
accompanied of each other; at least this is what I think.
Toshiya
yawned. “ How I wish the holiday would not end… work again.” He grumbles. “ Can
we take another few days off huh leader-sama?”
“ What
do you think?” The word ‘NO’ was all over my face.
“
You’re meant Kaoru.” Toshiya pretend to be angry and went back to sleep where I
still heard him giggling.
Sometime
happy, sometimes pretend to be angry and sometime quarrel over small thing and
forgive soon. This is what I enjoy most now; this is the kind of couple life I
was finding all along in my life and now I finally have it now.
“
Toshiya I love you.”
Toshiya
turns around and face me. “ Me too.” He rests his head on my shoulder and everything
went quiet again in the plane heading back to Japan.
The morning light shone into the window at us. Toshiya curl nearer
to me to avoid the brightness from the sunlight and continue sleeping soundly.
He look so much like a child when he is sleeping, I smiled and keeps on
glancing at him, feeling a bit heartless to wakes him up like this. Everything
was so blissful now and this was the first morning Toshiya and I had together,
it was just so wonderful to have him beside me when I wake up.
You must have waited so long for this moment and I have been cruel
to hold back your happiness for so long. I was grateful that I have got this
happiness back before I lose everything. “ Thank you Totchi.” I whispered,
brushing his hair away from his sleeping face.
“ Um…” Toshiya slightly moved away.
I really hope our happiness will goes on forever. I give a gentle
kiss on Toshiya as he curl up more to me. Should I wake him up now?
I was increasing my speed pulling Toshiya with me toward the
studio while he was yawning all the way from my house. “ You’re meant Kaoru!”
Toshiya was grumbling behind me for waking him up.
“ You still saying I’m meant!” I frowned. “ I’ve let you slept for
another two hours after your pleading and now we’re late for practices and you
still saying that.”
“ Kaoru… you know I can’t get used to the time yet.”
“ Toshiya…! You have been back in Japan for three days now.” I
know he was just being lazy. “ Oh, I just shouldn’t give in to you this
morning.”
I stared at the empty studio. “ Hey where are the others?”
The practices today was cancel after I could not find Die, I have
forgotten to wake Kyo up, which was always my job and Shinya had called to say
that he was sick. Of course Toshiya was the happiness one when he heard that.
“ We’re just getting too relaxed, I must make sure everything work
on the right path from now!” I declared in front of him and Toshiya know I was
always serious when I decide to get thing done. He sighed, knowing that hard
work was on his way.
Toshiya enter the pub, which Die had brought him to a month ago.
He glances around the place and finally spots a familiar figure that he was
actually looking for. This had been the third pub and Toshiya was glad that he
finally sees the red head, an easy target to spot among people. “ There you are
Die.” Toshiya happily approaches his friend.
Die stared blankly at the bassist, wondering was he dreaming or
what as he was still thinking of the bassist a moment ago and now there Toshiya
was standing in front of him. “ To… Toshiya?” Die still couldn’t believe his
eyes.
“ You know how angry Kaoru is today for your missing in action
huh?” Toshiya had seat down beside the guitarist.
Die know Kaoru would but he just do not feel like seeing the
lovers coming together to the studio happily and he decide not to go, though
understand that he cannot do this forever but he was just too upset suddenly. “
You came for the sake of Kaoru.” Die was confirmed that it is but the question
just came out from him.
Toshiya did not answered.
“ The two of you must be so happy now huh.” Die continues
speaking.
Toshiya did not answered.
“ Humph what rubbish am I asking?” Die laughed. “ Of course you
guys are happy.”
There was silent for a moment.
“ Where’s Kaoru?”
“ He was still at the studio and I decide to come out searching
for you.”
Silent again.
Die wanted so much to ask Toshiya why but he did not. Toshiya was
feeling uneasy now and the two were sitting side by side not daring to look at
each other. Can someone stop this atmosphere? “ Die-kun!” Someone seems to hear
their praying. “ It really you, we thought we have see the wrong person but
with this red head of yours… Hee… Hee.” The girls were laughing as they
surrounded Die, touching Die’s hair.
“ Don’t you introduce him huh?” One of the girls finally seems to
have realized the beautiful man who was staring at them.
Die was thinking that maybe this is a good chance to stop the
uneasy feeling from Toshiya; anyway his entire friend knows that he was a
flirt. He can just shake the bassist off and leave with the girls now and
everything will be back to normal soon. Just do it Die… Die told himself. “
He’s Toshiya and this is…”
Toshiya walks off before Die has a chance to finish what he says.
“ Toshiya?” The bassist heard his friend calling him but he never turn back.
Toshiya
increased his speed. What am I doing? What am I thinking about? This was horrible
Toshiya and you shouldn’t have this thought! Toshiya keeps on telling himself.
You have Kaoru already and it was such a hard relationship where you finally
get together with Kaoru and now you are eventually getting jealous over another
man?
Jealous?
What is… I’m jealous?
Toshiya
stopped. “ I’m jealous… because I see Die with the groups of girls? How could
it be?”
Toshiya
squatted down near the wall.
“
TOSHIYA!” The bassist heard an exclaimed.
Toshiya
looked up and saw Die was standing at the other side of the road, exhausted and
sweating at the same time. Die must have over-run when he came running after
the bassist and was relieved that he finally see Toshiya. “ Die?” Toshiya stand
up.
Die run
across the road toward his friend. “ Are you alright?” He asked as he touches
Toshiya.
Toshiya
stared blankly at Die. You came running after me? He wanted to ask but did not.
“ I was so worry when you just left like this, is everything really okay?” Die
look so worried as he asked again.
Toshiya
shakes his head. “ Thing was not right…”
Die was
anxious when he heard what Toshiya had say, thinking that the bassist had hurt
himself or what and he was looking all over the younger immediately. “ No
listen to me Die.” Toshiya stopped Die. “ I just feels something was different
when I goes to holiday with Kaoru but I never realized anything until just
now…”
“
What?”
“ Die…
I think I was in love with you.”
Die was stunned to hear that. Should I be happy now or worse
matter will be coming up?
The two
men stare at each other as the time passed by. Shock to hear the news from
Toshiya while happiness ascends in Die heart at the other hand to know that the
bassist was in love with him. Die never considers so many things at one time in
his life till this moment. What should he say to this younger man standing in
front of him? It will be an easy task if it weren’t Toshiya is Kaoru lover and
Kaoru was his best friend.
I was so happy… this
were the most wonderful and wanting word I wanted to hear from you Toshiya.
Die heart was
beating fast as he broke the silent. “ Do you know what you are saying?” The
guitarist looks down at the floor hoping that his happiness will not be too
obvious. He wished he could just embrace the bassist tightly now but there is still
something he needs to consider because the matter had concern of his best
friend Kaoru.
Unknown that Die was
indeed so happy, Toshiya thought that Die would felt disgust at him. Firstly he
had go to Die for help with his relation with Kaoru and now he was telling Die
that he was in love with him. Who on earth would not think that Toshiya were
not a slut at this point? Toshiya did not understand why himself too. He should
be happily enjoying his holiday trip with Kaoru but he starts to miss the time
he had spent with the red head guitarist.
“ Toshiya it
shouldn’t be like this.”
Toshiya froze. He
was right; Die had felt disgust in him. Moreover Die was always going with
woman and who do you think you are to let Die betray his best friend and come
to a man like you, or even worse than that, you may be just a slut in his eyes
now Toshiya.
“ What about Kaoru?”
Kaoru… yes what
about Kaoru? I always thought I would love him whatever what happen but what am
I doing now? Telling another man that I was in love with him? It shouldn’t be…
I had felt it during our trip that the feeling I had with Kaoru wasn’t right
because I was thinking of Die during the whole load of time.
“ Toshiya?” Die looked
up at his friend when there was no answer from the younger man.
Kaoru… No I still
love him now and that’s why I told him that I love him when he says that to me
but what about Die…I shouldn’t love the two of them at the same time.
Then why did I come
to look for Die?
Isn’t it because you
want to verify to yourself what had been troubling you?
“ I was thinking of
you all the while when I was with Kaoru.” Toshiya said suddenly. “ I miss the
time I had with you… I just want to tell you this and I know I am selfish to
just brut thing out like this which might cause your difficulty but… I think I
really was in love with you Die.”
“ But Toshiya…”
“ Die please let me
finish.” Toshiya had finally known what he wants now. “ There’s nothing I would
expect from you, I just hope to tell you what I had been thinking and hope that
you would still treat me as a friend. Please Die can you?”
Then I would tell
Kaoru the truth and let him decide what he wants… this was the only fairer way
for Kaoru. Kaoru might just dump me again for being a slut and I would never be
with Die who only loves woman and all this would be my punishment for falling
in love with two people at the same time.
“ You are really
selfish Toshiya. How could I just pretend that nothing had happened after you
had tell me so many thing?”
Tears drip down from
the bassist eyes when he hears that.
See Toshiya… You
would lose a friend like Die now. Letting the man you love to treat you as a
slut.
“ What should Kaoru
do now? What should I do now?” Die had make his fastest consider in his life. “
Just don’t tell Kaoru about it and stop loving me, everything would be fine
then.” Die curse himself for this saying. It was not what he really wanted to
tell the bassist but thinking that the bassist was more in love with Kaoru…
“ I understand…”
Toshiya wipe the tears from his eyes. “ Sorry for all this Die… I’m leaving…”
The bassist walks passed Die having leaving a trail of scent and increased his
speed before he make a turn at the corner and run with all the strength he had.
Toshiya never knows it would be so painful for hearing the man he love telling
him to stop loving him although he did not expect Die would do anything in the
beginning but it was so hurting.
Why do I have to
tell him all this then… just because you see him with a group of women and you
get jealous? You have volunteer to look for Die, telling him that you came to
look for him to tell him all this but you weren’t going to do it if it were not
those groups of women. Isn’t it enough to prove everything?
Proving that he’s
indeed more important than Kaoru now… that you are willing to give up your
relationship with Kaoru now…
Toshiya stopped
running and burst out laughing. “ You have ruin everything now… Hahaha…
Hahaha…”
Die smell the trail
of scent as Toshiya walks passed him. He saw the trail of sadness at the man
face. What am I going to do? I told him to stop loving me! “ It shouldn’t be…”
Die turned around and dash off.
Toshiya stopped
laughing as he hears someone shouting his name and he saw Die had come running
after him and now finally reaches him. He would have run away feeling frighten
to hear anymore thing that he do not wish to hear from the red head but his leg
just would not moved. “ Toshiya…!” Die was exhausted. “ Don’t make me run after
you for the third time of the day, you can really run fast you know?” Die
embraces the younger man tightly.
Toshiya was stunned
and stand still without any reaction.
“ I have regret!”
Die finally continues speaking after taking a deep breathe. “ I don’t want you
to stop loving me because I… because I… ” Die felt so embarrasses that he
eventually kiss Toshiya and tell the bassist with his action instead of saying
it out.
“ … Die…?”
Die deepens the
kisses that he had long last for after he realized he was in love with the
bassist. Toshiya was shocked and rebuff at the beginning but then he finally
give in, allowing Die to explored inside his mouth. The kiss from Die had also
let Toshiya to realize how different the feeling can be from Kaoru.
They stopped their
kissing and glance at each other still holding onto each other waist. “ Since
when?” Die asked.
“ Huh?”
“ You are in love
with me?”
Toshiya blushed. “
When I starts missing you during my holiday trip with the man who happened to
be I love so much.”
Die pouted. “ One
you love so much?”
“ Opps I forget to
add ‘once’.” Toshiya giggled and they melted into kisses again. “ Then when do you realize it?” Toshiya
protested when Die refused to answer him.
Silly Toshiya… it
was long before you realized you are in love with me.
I always don’t
believe in fate but I do this time.
Toshiya mobile
starts ringing, breaking the loving atmosphere between Die and himself. He
looked at the screen and Kaoru name appeared on it. Toshiya had peek at Die
before he received the call. “ Hello, Kaoru.”
“ Have you find
Die?” Kaoru asked concernedly at his lover at the other side of the phone and
it was causing Toshiya guiltier. “ I’ll come to fetch you now… where…”
Toshiya stopped his lover. “ Kaoru I have something to tell you.”
Part Thirteen (End)
Die
hold onto Toshiya hand tightly as they arrival at Kaoru apartment. They had decided
not to delay anytime and tell Kaoru about their new relationship, preparing to
receive any reproach from Kaoru. “ Isn’t it too fast Die?” Toshiya was still
uncertain though he was the one who had decided it first.
“ No, it will be best this way.” Die was willing to receive any
reproach from his best friend for stealing away his lover and he believe that
it would be better to tell Kaoru the truth as fast as possible before anything
get worse. All Die hoped was that Kaoru would only put the blame on him and not
Toshiya because Die know that how upset Toshiya can be if Kaoru really were to
blame him.
Toshiya stopped suddenly and Die could feel the tense in the
bassist. “ I will said everything, just leave it to me.” Die clench onto
Toshiya hand and they enter the building together.
I open the door and was glad that Toshiya is finally back. I was
so worried was he all right because he sounds so serious on the phone just now.
What is he going to tell me? “ Die… what are you doing here now?” I was
surprised to see him, while I realized that he was holding onto Toshiya hand
and they let go immediately when they notice my glance.
I know this would happen. My heart seems to have sunken within
seconds.
They enter the house and seated down. Toshiya was sitting beside
Die somehow making clear to me that it had something to do with Die. I seated
down in front of them noticing that Die wasn’t looking at me which was unlike
him.
“ Kaoru
I had something to tell you. It about Toshiya and me.” Die finally looked at
me.
I know this would
happen. I was lying to myself all this while because I was so afraid that
Toshiya would leave me and it really happened now. I wasn’t someone who is sensitive
but I had already feel it during our holiday trip… Toshiya heart was no longer
with me but I keep on lying to myself that he wasn’t.
“
Toshiya and me…”
Toshiya
stopped Die from saying suddenly. “ Let me say it.” Toshiya look into my eyes.
“ Sorry Kaoru… Die and I… we were in love.”
I know.
I
rubbed my temple. “ I know…” They were surprised from my answered.
“
You know it?”
I
nodded. “ Toshiya heart wasn’t with me now… it felt different from the passed.”
I merely laughed at my own foolishness. Nothing would change now even if I
would to blame them, it just that I was feeling so regret that the time I had
with Toshiya was so short. I thought we can start all over again when we
finally clear our misunderstood, not until that I heard him calling out Die
name in his sleep and his daydreaming throughout the whole trip had make me
realized that I had lose another important thing in my life again but I was not
going to accept it until I had heard it with my own ears.
“
You can hatred me and reproached me for all this but please forgive Toshiya. He
may not love you now but you are still an important person in his life so
please Kaoru?” I was glad that Die was serious with Toshiya this time because I
was still afraid that he may be just fooling around with Toshiya but it seem to
me now that he is really serious.
At least I know that
Toshiya can be with someone who really cares for him.
“
Kaoru…” Toshiya had sound about to cry out. “ It was all my fault so please
don’t ruin your relationship with Die, I understand that he was an important
friend to you in your life.”
And you do cared for
Die…
I
smile at them.
“
Kaoru?”
Who should I blame
all this? If I were to choose a person to put the blame on… that person would
be myself because I was the one who had create the chance for them to be
together, didn’t I?
“
I am very upset because I really do love you Toshiya, but this is your choice
and I would be happy for you if you can be with the man you really love. At
least you are still my important bandmate and properly a brother to me… now.”
At least I’m not
going to lose you in my life… I love you Toshiya.
I only hatred myself
for not being about to made up my mind in the beginning…
‘ Follows what is in
your heart won’t hurt… but feeling
regret would hurt.’
“ Brother… what does
that mean?”
“ It mean one should
always made up his mind before he miss up something and feel regret about it.”
I touch my brother small face and explained to him. “ But it’s not always the
end of it… if you have learned to find the best way to made up for this regret,
you will always have a better tomorrow.”
My brother nodded
his head and smile happily at me. “ I will always remember what you have told
me Brother.” He ran away to play with Snowy.
I
watch from the window at Die and Toshiya who had just left. I smile bitterly to
myself, tears formed in my eyes as sadness overcomes me. It was properly the
second time I was crying out since the day my brother die.
“
How could I forgot what I always used to tell my brother…”
Regret hurt…
It really hurt…
Toshiya
was staring outside the car window trying to hide his sadness from his new
lover. How he hoped that there is something he can do for Kaoru at the time he
sees Kaoru telling them that he would not reproach them. The bassist had sense
the sadness in the older man, which he never see Kaoru being so upset before.
He
had hurt the man.
He
must do something for the man. Doing something practical for the man.
“
Toshiya are you crying?” Die asked concerned though he knows the answered.
Toshiya
wiped the tears that had just drip down from his eyes. Turning around and
smiled at his lover. “ I’m okay Die.” He replied. “ Let’s do something for
Kaoru together… something practical will do.”
Die
laughed.
The
next morning I was as usual going to the studio for the band practices. Maybe I
would need some time to recover but the band would still need to go on.
Sometime being a workaholic helps…
Life
must go on as usual…
“
Hope that the other guys had arrival…” I muttered. How am I going to face them?
I did not want to make them feel uneasy… Umm what should I do?
“
Morning!” Kyo just walked passed me.
Am
I seeing something wrongly? Kyo had arrival at the same time as me without
needing me to wakes him up? “ Kyo you’re early.” I was glad that Kyo was
finally having some responsibility for the band practice.
“
Ne… it not I wants.” Kyo yawned. “ Toshiya and Die wakes me up early in the
morning… they are a nuisance…”
I
frowned.
“
Morning!” I was greeted with a cheerful voice when I open the door.
Everyone
had arrivals. “ Great! Let start our practices!” I yelled.
Half
a year later our band finally release our first album and the band was going on
well. It was when I understand what Toshiya mean by doing something practical
for me. The band was another important thing to me and he had do whatever he
can for the band, making life easier for me, okay at least I did not have to
wake Kyo up because it had become Toshiya job since that day.
Die
and Toshiya… need not to say that they extremely loving couple now.
And of course I
still love him…
I
was glad that everything turns up fine… ‘ Always find the best way to made up
for my regret’ and therefore I still have them with me now. I didn’t know what
might turn up now if I did not forgive them that day…
Always look up for a
better tomorrow then a miserable tomorrow!
The
End
By
Tsmr
[27/02/2003]
Thanks to everybody who have read Brotherly Love and support this fic. *Bow* Please tells me if you think this story is still an acceptable one. ^^”