JesusLanding (00:35:36): sorry, was dealing with the cat
irishduckyfreak (00:35:44): meow
JesusLanding (00:38:09): lol
JesusLanding (00:38:14): he likes a lot of attention
irishduckyfreak (00:38:27): meow meow so do i meow meow :D
JesusLanding (00:38:49): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:39:06): im makin ppl laugh 2nite, thats a good thing :-)
JesusLanding (00:39:40): I'm just trying to make myself laugh
irishduckyfreak (00:40:17): laughing is good for the soul
JesusLanding (00:40:26): yeah
irishduckyfreak (00:40:30): and for the record, Quarantine is on BBC2 apparently
JesusLanding (00:40:35): Having self esteem issues, however, is not
JesusLanding (00:40:41): lol
JesusLanding (00:40:50): Well,I have a copy on my comp
irishduckyfreak (00:40:55): so do i :p
irishduckyfreak (00:41:00): thats why i aint watchin it
JesusLanding (00:41:17): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:41:20): self esteem issues man, u are talkin to the queeeeeeen of self esteem issues
irishduckyfreak (00:41:24): :d
JesusLanding (00:41:58): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:42:23): *takes yer hand and walks ye over to a mirror*
JesusLanding (00:42:28): I'm just trying to curb myself so Diane doesn't have to deal with it
irishduckyfreak (00:42:32): say hello to yerself
irishduckyfreak (00:42:50): *waves yer hand*
JesusLanding (00:42:58): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:43:00): look at ye, yer all tall and strong
irishduckyfreak (00:43:07): look into yer own eyes
irishduckyfreak (00:43:17): those eyes change colour!
irishduckyfreak (00:43:26): thats a unique quality
JesusLanding (00:43:53): thank you
irishduckyfreak (00:44:01): i want them eyes
irishduckyfreak (00:44:06): *tries to steal them*
irishduckyfreak (00:44:13): dammit, i cant reach :p
JesusLanding (00:44:29): I'm just.... dealing. Having a sword through you takes a lot out of you... I'm not used to feeling this weak
irishduckyfreak (00:44:44): i can understand that
irishduckyfreak (00:44:58): but let me tell ye this...... im here for u
irishduckyfreak (00:46:05): i dont know what's happened to me, but i feel like ive changed
irishduckyfreak (00:46:10): im new
irishduckyfreak (00:46:39): i just dont want to see u like this, i want to help
JesusLanding (00:47:00): Thank you. It really does mean a lot that you want to help
irishduckyfreak (00:47:16): ive wanted to help lots of times..... things got in the way
irishduckyfreak (00:47:20): mainly myself
JesusLanding (00:47:57): I'm just... it's difficult to be off the antidepressants. I'm making it, but it;s hard. Me and Diane are getting barely any contact
and as much as I hate to admit it, she's a lot of what keeps me going
irishduckyfreak (00:48:38): the key 3 words u just said are "I'm making it"
JesusLanding (00:49:10): I know
irishduckyfreak (00:49:20): always remember that
JesusLanding (00:49:30): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:49:43): can i hug u gently?
JesusLanding (00:49:50): course
irishduckyfreak (00:50:13): *nice gentle hug, trying to avoid injured parts*
JesusLanding (00:50:35): lol
JesusLanding (00:50:45): it;s above my right hip, I got ran through with a rapier
JesusLanding (00:51:00): My stomach muscles in the middle are almost healed after I ripped them a while back
irishduckyfreak (00:51:05): *blows kisses at it on behalf of our kiddies*
JesusLanding (00:51:15): lol
irishduckyfreak (00:51:32): wanna come see them?
JesusLanding (00:52:35): *Smiles* After this afternoon... I don't think I'm quite ready
irishduckyfreak (00:52:58): wot happened this afternoon?
JesusLanding (00:53:35): When I was visiting they were about as distant as usual. They treat me like I;m a babysitter, and no matter what anyone
does that's just how they act
irishduckyfreak (00:54:22): pet...... its just cos u feel like theyre distant..... u have to stop thinking like that.... then u'll see the way they look at u
irishduckyfreak (00:55:16): wud it help if u seen them one at a time?
JesusLanding (00:55:22): *Sighs* Seeing my own children fawn over Kain and call him dad as often as they call me it is difficult. it's been like this
since before I got taken off my antidepresants
irishduckyfreak (00:55:44): they dont call him dad
JesusLanding (00:56:20): then why was ceiran calling him dada today?
irishduckyfreak (00:56:28): and the way yer feeling about that is the same way i feel over sebastian calling diane 'mom'
JesusLanding (00:56:44): looking him right in the eye, holding his arms out to get lifted and calling him dada
irishduckyfreak (00:56:50): did he? i didnt know that
JesusLanding (00:57:06): Thing is, Sebastian made that descision himself, and doesn't love you any less.
irishduckyfreak (00:57:26): the fact he made the decision hurts
irishduckyfreak (00:57:44): plus, he calls her the name he called me and he started calling me the name rosa uses
JesusLanding (00:57:52): The babies, they seem like they're forgeting me. I understand that's how you feel with Seb, but you need to talk to him
about that. I can;t talk to the bairns... and no matter how much I;m there they still grow more distant
irishduckyfreak (00:58:03): it wud be different if diane was Momma and i was still Mom...... i cud deal with that
JesusLanding (00:58:11): Because Jude needed a distinction between the both of you
irishduckyfreak (00:58:20): yes i know
JesusLanding (00:58:21): He still calls you Mom when he's talking to me about you
irishduckyfreak (00:58:44): i want him to call me mom full stop....... but i'll get to talk to him about that
JesusLanding (00:59:30): *Sighs* Is it really so wrong for him to care about Diane? She loves him... and I don't know if that's how Kain feels about
my bairns
irishduckyfreak (00:59:38): our port of call right now is the babies
JesusLanding (00:59:52): k
irishduckyfreak (00:59:54): its not wrong for him to care about her, it hurts me soooooo much that he uses my name for her
irishduckyfreak (01:00:15): it wud be different if he called her momma
irishduckyfreak (01:00:23): cos that isnt his name for me
JesusLanding (01:00:26): *Sighs* Well, I don't know what to say.
irishduckyfreak (01:00:53): let's get back to the babies
JesusLanding (01:01:07): ok
irishduckyfreak (01:01:37): kain cares about them...... he made them a blanket to sleep under when they sleep with me
JesusLanding (01:01:41): wave your magic wand. Make them act like they used to with me and they now act with Kain. Make them call me boban
and make them happy to see me. Can you do that?
irishduckyfreak (01:01:57): i can try
irishduckyfreak (01:02:15): wot i see must be different to wot u see
irishduckyfreak (01:02:47): cos when yer gone, adam babbles 'boban' over and over again
JesusLanding (01:02:48): O.K. I;m glad he cares about the,m. That's good.
irishduckyfreak (01:03:05): when u come in, their eyes light up
JesusLanding (01:03:25): Just... I'll never stop being their dad, I'll never stop loving them with all my heart and giving everything for them, but I can;t
force them to love me
irishduckyfreak (01:03:55): they DO love u
JesusLanding (01:04:11): Their eyes light up but they're afraid to hug with me. They always crawl off to you of Kain. They hide behind chairs. *Sighs*
I know they love me, they've just.... they've got so distant recently
irishduckyfreak (01:04:46): because theyre scared to hurt u
JesusLanding (01:05:24): even before I was injured. I'm just... I'd dealing with it, and I really do know that they'll get back to how they were... it;s just
hard in the interim
irishduckyfreak (01:06:01): ye know..... yer talkin exactly like ive talked like
JesusLanding (01:06:12): ?
irishduckyfreak (01:06:50): "i know things will get better between me and aodhan, but its hard right now"
JesusLanding (01:08:18): and?
irishduckyfreak (01:08:29): and wot
irishduckyfreak (01:10:19): *hug* just come see hem?
irishduckyfreak (01:10:21): them*
JesusLanding (01:10:26): You've said something similar before and your point is?
JesusLanding (01:10:35): O.K. But let me se them alone?
irishduckyfreak (01:10:58): i didnt really have a point..... i thot that was point enough really *shrug*
irishduckyfreak (01:11:06): let me know when/if ye want me in
JesusLanding (01:11:12): ok
JesusLanding (01:11:17): give me a few minutes?
irishduckyfreak (01:11:26): ok..... u can talk me thru it if ye want
JesusLanding (01:11:40): I;d prefer not to
JesusLanding (01:11:47): Just... me and them time, you know?
irishduckyfreak (01:12:12): we can talk about sumthin else? or wud ye prefer i just shush until yer done?
JesusLanding (01:12:40): Well, I;m writing just now, but we can talk while I;m writing
irishduckyfreak (01:13:03): i'll leave ye till yer done :-)
JesusLanding (01:14:29): I'd like to keep talking if it;s ok
irishduckyfreak (01:14:49): ok :-)
irishduckyfreak (01:15:00): if i appear to be slow, im just writin sumthin :-)
JesusLanding (01:15:07): what you writing
irishduckyfreak (01:15:23): lyrics
JesusLanding (01:15:33): a new song?
irishduckyfreak (01:16:13): an ode
JesusLanding (01:16:26): to?
irishduckyfreak (01:16:31): r kelly
JesusLanding (01:16:35): ahh
JesusLanding (01:16:41): Did you ever read the albatross?
irishduckyfreak (01:20:41): laughter is good for the soul
JesusLanding (01:21:10): it is
irishduckyfreak (01:21:17): never forget that
irishduckyfreak (01:23:14): when there's sadness, there's always red dwarf :-)
JesusLanding (01:23:37): lol
JesusLanding (01:23:40): and jools holland
irishduckyfreak (01:23:57): ye can keep jools, and i'll keep red dwarf
irishduckyfreak (01:24:07): rimmer, he is the man
JesusLanding (01:24:20): lol
irishduckyfreak (01:24:36): :D
JesusLanding (01:26:34): loooods of convos
irishduckyfreak (01:26:46): mister popular
JesusLanding (01:29:51): kinda
irishduckyfreak (01:29:53): so...... how's it goin with the wains
JesusLanding (01:30:05): not bad
JesusLanding (01:30:15): theyre still seeming very timid and distant
irishduckyfreak (01:30:42): are u talkin to them? maybe if u try talkin and encouraging them to talk back
JesusLanding (01:31:18): iam... I always do
irishduckyfreak (01:31:38): do u mind if i ask wot ye say to them?
JesusLanding (01:32:20): i just talk to them... read to tehm.. tell them I love them
JesusLanding (01:32:24): the stuff ive always done
irishduckyfreak (01:32:35): *nods and thinks* ok.....
irishduckyfreak (01:33:04): ok, uh, i have an idea
irishduckyfreak (01:33:18): it cud be a good one, but then again, it cud go the other way *frowns*
JesusLanding (01:33:28): ...
irishduckyfreak (01:34:04): i was thinkin that us 3 adults (me, u and kain) cud sit with them and ask them to go to daddy
irishduckyfreak (01:34:12): but...... hmm
JesusLanding (01:37:57): I dont think that be a good idea just now
irishduckyfreak (01:38:19): yeah i was thinkin that too...... i was just leavin it up to u
JesusLanding (01:40:40): *Sighs* Muuuuhc writing
irishduckyfreak (01:40:54): much writing indeed
irishduckyfreak (01:45:23): i left ye a note
JesusLanding (01:45:35): ok... where?
irishduckyfreak (01:45:44): the only place i can.... fod
JesusLanding (01:45:56): ok
irishduckyfreak (01:49:15): *looks at the smiley pic on yer fod* awwwww smiley ooo
JesusLanding (01:49:34): which pic?
irishduckyfreak (01:49:48): the one where yer smiling
irishduckyfreak (01:49:58): ie. the only one
irishduckyfreak (01:50:13): top right corner
JesusLanding (01:50:22): ahhh
JesusLanding (01:50:27): that was taken a while back
irishduckyfreak (01:50:29): smiley
JesusLanding (01:50:33): I don'tlook anythign like that now
JesusLanding (01:50:41): my beard is grey with a white streak down the middle
irishduckyfreak (01:50:52): stripey
JesusLanding (01:51:05): lol
JesusLanding (01:51:16): I'mjust glad witb it
irishduckyfreak (01:51:27): im drinking non-alcoholic cider...... ie. fizzy appleade
JesusLanding (01:51:35): lol
JesusLanding (01:51:40): I;mnotdrinking anything
irishduckyfreak (01:51:45): its makin me hyyyyyyper
irishduckyfreak (01:51:52): even tho it says its sugar free
irishduckyfreak (01:52:06): *ponders over the silliness of the tesco ppl*
JesusLanding (01:53:58): writes and reads and stuff
irishduckyfreak (01:54:41): wud it be any use to ye if ye talked to kain about the wains? like get feelings out in the open?
JesusLanding (01:54:59): nope
irishduckyfreak (01:55:08): *nods* ok
JesusLanding (01:55:11): ive talked to him.. he knows I don't bear a grudge against him about it
irishduckyfreak (01:55:51): see, u ppl shud tell me some of this! lol
JesusLanding (02:02:48): I thought he had
irishduckyfreak (02:03:06): nah, u men tell me nothin
irishduckyfreak (02:03:28): but i just wanna ask, are u ok with the blanket? i was worried ye wud be annoyed
JesusLanding (02:03:51): I;mok with it
irishduckyfreak (02:03:57): thats good
irishduckyfreak (02:06:00): that means a lot to kain
irishduckyfreak (02:09:03): *wonders if yer still with the wains*
JesusLanding (02:10:04): I am
irishduckyfreak (02:10:47): ok
irishduckyfreak (02:12:57): julie-anna wants to talk to u
JesusLanding (02:13:07): ok...
irishduckyfreak (02:13:15): Hello!
JesusLanding (02:13:32): Hey
irishduckyfreak (02:13:55): Aren't the little babies so beautiful today?
JesusLanding (02:14:25): They are always beautoful
irishduckyfreak (02:14:59): Heehee yes!
irishduckyfreak (02:15:47): Mommy says in a few weeks the triplets will be a year old
JesusLanding (02:16:10): yahum
irishduckyfreak (02:16:20): Are you excited?
JesusLanding (02:16:26): of course
JesusLanding (02:16:31): I made themlots of wee presents
irishduckyfreak (02:16:41): You did? Wow!
irishduckyfreak (02:19:42): I have a dolly!
JesusLanding (02:19:50): cool
irishduckyfreak (02:20:02): I helped to paint it today
JesusLanding (02:20:27): whatsit like?
irishduckyfreak (02:21:13): It's made out of wood and I painted it to look like mommy :-)
irishduckyfreak (02:35:43): hmm, she's wandered off now
JesusLanding (02:35:56): ok
irishduckyfreak (02:36:13): u ok?
JesusLanding (02:36:41): yeah
irishduckyfreak (02:36:50): good good
JesusLanding (02:37:07): just writing and discusing with Hamish
irishduckyfreak (02:37:27): hamish....... im assuming u mean Jim and not nathan
JesusLanding (02:38:23): Yeah, Jim
JesusLanding (02:38:30): Nathan doesn't deserve to eb called Hamish
irishduckyfreak (02:39:15): *can just imagine the two of ye's in a room staring each other out, each of ye's ready to pounce and me tryin to hide*
JesusLanding (02:39:42): lol
irishduckyfreak (02:39:55): :-)
JesusLanding (02:39:57): hing is, Nathan knows fine well he really wouldn't stand a chance
irishduckyfreak (02:40:07): *nods* and so do i
JesusLanding (02:40:35): And i'm really not that concerned with beating him up, hels just an irritating little dick... and he knows fuck all about
bondage or blood play and thinks he's the man and that REALLY irritates me
irishduckyfreak (02:41:50): ye know, he's only 27 days younger than u
JesusLanding (02:42:10): lol.. Last I was told he was a year older
JesusLanding (02:42:17): and yeah.... why am I being told that?
irishduckyfreak (02:42:18): nope
irishduckyfreak (02:42:26): sure ye know me and my random facts
irishduckyfreak (02:42:34): they dont really have any point
JesusLanding (02:42:42): fair nuff
irishduckyfreak (02:42:43): i just sorta like talkin
irishduckyfreak (02:42:46): :p
JesusLanding (02:43:33): Sorry am just.... discussing crucifixion with Hamish
