Do any of you silly gooses remember your first date with your first real romantic partner? I don't, I was drugged and date-raped, at a Garth Brooks concert, worse part is she didn't even call the next day, oh Lu-Ann how you broke my heart....but if your reading this plz come back to me, i still stare dreamily into your picture as i fall asleep everynite. but im puzzled why everynite i dream of wrestling with a rabid nypho polar bear, and sick of waking up in my own vomit
I was doing shots off the stomach of the person who looked the most like a chick (i told you i manage) and in walks this, this phew...just, 20, slim, small, blonde, ...gotta be a woman, i put all my lunch money on it and all my pokemon cards, EXCEPT blastiose, i NEVER risk ol' Toise-boy. So she sits down alone at a secluded end of the bar, and for sometime she's alone. the kicker? Every advancement made by another woman is met with a bitter face and and wave of the hand away, she's gotta be straight, maybe she just comes for the incredible drink prices. Finally after im sick and tired of the 20 hands reaching for my nipples at every 14 second intervals, i work up the courage to go and talk to her. All of the while, what seemed like an eternity, my mind was racing on what to say to her when i reached her, should i dropped the usual lines like, "I clean, lets' intersex,", or the common, "My mom says I'm ready, will you be my first?, well not first, my grandfather always did fancy the boys...". But in the end i decide just to politely sit down and offer to buy her a drink. She noticed me halfway through my trip, and we locked eyes, she seemed nervous, but no rejection so far, this might actually work!
So I reach her, and im standing over her, i stare into her eyes clear my throat, she waitings patiently for me to start, and just as I say, "Why hello-..." She vomits onto me her gastral-intestinal juices which begins to corrode my skin and flesh, she then jumps up and begins devouring and digesting my left arm. Dissappointed, High and Dry and bummed i stumble away in pain and confusion. Alas we werent meant to be, after all i was a man, and she was half-fly mutant. It just wouldnt work... :(
-Your father was alrite, think you can do better??
-All my pubic hair has ingrown into my penis thus making it bigger.
-What would you say if i invite you, a cow and 3 bottles of malt vinegar back to my place tonite?
-What? I'm not your father!? am I?
So there ya have it folks, Love in a nutshell, I'll be back next week with another something or whatever. Leave!
