| Marks & Spencer phrases | ||||||||||||||||
| Marks & Sparks's phrases are word that go together like..well, like Marks and Sparks. Thus: vast majority. When was the last time you heard someone say "a large majority "a pretty damn big majority", ""an enormous majority" or even just " all"? I found myself writing "vast majority" on the previous page, just out of habit. Here are some other ones Tributes that "flood in" * Situations that are "ongoing".* Discussions that are "heated" And there's plenty more. Marks & Sparks's words are clich-ays, but even lazier. It would not be hard to rephrase all of the above. It would be the work of a minute, even for the most brain-dead journalist (oops, tautology, see below for a list of those). But they are so common they have become part of the way we think. Almost everyone slips into the habit of using them now and again. There will no doubt be plenty on this site. The only cure is to be vigilant, watch what you're writing and guard against them. I shall try, dear reader. |
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| Correct Spelling Is A Tool Of Oppression!!!!! (every word in that title was capitalised, it must be true!) | ||||||||||||||||
| How boring is correct spelling? I'm only 18, and I'm bored to tears with spelling words the same all the time. We are the only generation in history to have imposed this spellicular straitjacket on ourselves. William "I am the god of English literature" Shakespeare spelt his name six different ways, as did Walter Raleigh. Dr Johnson admitted that his dictionary was flawed, and that there'd always be different ways to spell things, and that in any case language was an organic and changing entity that can't be recorded perfectly. So why are we so obsessed with it? And why do we have such evil things as spellcheckers? Ha! You say spellchecker, I say evil tool of destruction that won't let me write the word "ha" without a query. Let me make a few things clear: 1) I don't think we shouldn't teach people how to spell. I am arguing for a Picasso's-approach-to-surrealism-type approach. That is, you learn how to spell and learn the laws governing it, and then you break them. And when you do break them, you must break them creatively and imaginatively. It is also good to create new words, like "spellicular". In this way, Incorrect Spelling can have a political dimension, as you take the piss out of advertising and its creation of pseudo-scientific words, eg: "wow, do you really have that supercool new retinol-b activitating blue-radical enhancitator guaranteed to make your skin look younger?" (another good technique is passivifying words "if i keep these scrambled eggs in any longer, they'll omelettify!") 2) I acknowledge that there is a practical point to correct spelling - it's quite handy if people know you mean "hymn" and not "him". But like I say, you learn the rules first, and then, when you get stunningly bored of them you break them intelligently. In conversation, hymn and him sound the same, yet most people know what you're talking about. The same can be true in writing - context will normally establish the meaning, and if it doesn't, you either use the "correct spelling" or go for maximum punning confusion. Mispronunciation of words is also good. I am personally keen on pronouncing silent "k"'s and "gh"'s in words, as they apparently did in Chaucer's time, so knight sounds like "ker-nik-t". 3) I am not apologising for the Grauniad. The way they misspell things is atrocious, and is a classic example of liberals ruining a great idea. As if it's not enough for them to destroy socialism, they now have to wreck incorrect spelling. It is not cool to misspell things if you don't have a clue what you're doing. It is especially uncool to not have rigorous subbing of news pages because you're lazy and then pretend you're being cool and left-wing. It is just plain stupid to then conform to rules of correct spelling by publishing a clarifications and corrections column. It is an unfunny sell-out of the highest order to publish those clarifications and corrections as an "amusing" "book". "ooh, look, we're gonna publish our mistakes in book form and pretend that our mistakes are deliberate, and that we're sticking two fingers up at the establishment, when in fact, we are part of that establishment and are just too lazy to rigorously sub our news pages!". The fact is that incorrect spelling is all about spending more time on your work and on your writing, and trying to make it more original and exciting. The Grauniad spend less time on their work, and it looks crap. 4)Again, this does not apply to the names of pop bands, or any trademark. In these cases, ad-men come up with stupid misspellings so that they can copyright a word. You can't copyright the word "Monkeys" but you can copyright "Monkees". You can't copyright "In Sync", but you can copyright "N*Sync". The first law of everything ever is that advertising bears no relation to creativity whatsoever. It bears relation to the creation of money, maybe, but not artistic creativity. The purpose of this kind of incorrect spelling is to take the piss out of inane industry formulations, as outlined above with the retinol-b skni enhancitator. I have started this revoloution by allowing my name to be spelt differently. You can choose between "clarke" and "clark" at present.I have not yet attained the high standards of Shakespeare, able to maintain six different spellings of my name. It would be insulting to him to allow myself anymore. So for the present, it's just "Clarke" and "Clark", with capitalisation of your choice (oh! the democracy! the interactivity! it's what the internet's all about!). Anyway. There will be misspellings throughout this website. Some will be deliberate; some, inevitably will not. I may start up a list of deliberate misspellings, with brief descriptions of why I chose to misspell in that way. It will NOT be a dictionary. It will be a helpful, explanatory list. Feel free to point out all my mistakes and ask questions and generally take me to pieces for such a stupid idea. And feel free to take these revolutionary principles away to your own website. |
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| Verbing weirds language! Verbing weirds language! | ||||||||||||||||
| So we're gonna start nouning it instead...hang on...making nouns out of verbs, that is. But not now. Later. All ideas greatfully accepted. | ||||||||||||||||
| Some lists of fun things Tautologies mindless journalists patronising tory politicians Truly moronic oxymorons The sun newspaper military intelligence compassionate conservatism open government papal infallibility Mankind United Kingdon European Union.... oh, I could go on. But you get the idea. |
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