Independent Writer
One of the most difficult burdens of grief, for women especially, is the loss of an unborn child. The pain of the bereaved over this loss is increased through its inexplicability; and the normal process of grieving � denial, gradual acceptance, and the piece by piece restructuring of daily life � are often delayed or fail to be resolved at all.
Denial of the loss can last for a few days, or even weeks. Though a woman knows that she has lost the child that was developing inside of her, she will usually avoid admitting it to herself until she must. By denying that she has lost the baby, she protects herself from any possible blame that she might feel she deserves.
Denial of death is also a way for people to stop and catch their breath. By refusing to believe it has happened, they do not have to deal with the intense emotional and mental anguish right away. Soon, however, the denial stage will pass and the next stage will set in.
Gradual acceptance of death is usually the most difficult stage to get through. Often at this time the woman needs to blame something or someone for the loss she has experienced. Doctors can say it was not the woman�s fault, that there is no true explanation for what happened: the fetus just stopped developing.
It is tremendously difficult to accept any death if there is no reason or person on which to lay blame. However, once the absence of blame is accepted, women can proceed to the next step of the grieving process.
Picking up the pieces and getting on with life is where some women get lost. Out of fear, hurt, and anger, they do not want to have to deal with other women who are pregnant, or who have newborn babies in their arms. The fear of getting pregnant and having to change repeating the pain all over again is very real. The woman who loses her baby will find herself getting angry at those women who do have babies. This anger is difficult to understand and overcome.
Having friends say that it �was probably for the best� hurts! Well meaners who say, �God wanted his little one back� really make a person wonder what kind of God it is that they believe in. These statements, though said with no intention to hurt, do bring pain to woman who hears them.
Once the fear, hurt, and anger has been mastered to the point that a woman can go out in public and look at a baby, or see a pregnant woman and not feel resentment, she has then started to put her life back into working order.
Although it is difficult to imagine actually living through such a hard time in a person�s life, it can be done. As the saying goes, �time heals all wounds.� Time may not be able to heal a wound gouged so deep into a woman, but it does blanket the wound, assuages the pain.
Grief is a natural process that each person must go through in order to accept the loss that has been experienced. The denial, gradual acceptance, and then getting on with life are steps that take time, but are necessary in order to keep from being overwhelmed by the pain.