Funny Stuff!

A collection of jokes, and cartoons that people have sent me, and that I have found funny.

I think this is really funny - its a typical occurance in our house!

A man is lying in bed, just drifting off to sleep when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock - it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks.

Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realise the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened. She says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember the night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts "Hey, do you still want a push?"

He hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please".

So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts, "Where are you?"

The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

In the beginning there was Aristotle,
And objects at rest tended to remaiin at rest,
And objects in motion tended to come to rest,
And soon everything was at rest,
And God saw that it was boring.
Then God created Newton,
And objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
But objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
And energy was conserved and momentum was conserved and matter was conserved,
And God saw that it was conservative.
Then God created Einstein,
And everything was relative,
And fast things became short,
And straight things became curved,
And the universe was filled with inertial frames,
And God saw that it was relatively general, but some of it was especially relative.
Then God created Bohr,
And there was the principle,
And the principle was quantum,
And all things were quantified,
But some things were still relative,
And God saw that it was confusing.
Then God was going to create Ferguson,
And Ferguson would have fielded a theory,
And all would have been one.
But it was the seventh day,
And God rested.
And objects at rest tend to remain at rest.

The other day I was in the Auto Zone Part Store. A blond lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap.
We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"
She said, "You know, its right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."
"What does it do?"
"I don't know, but its always been there."
The Counter Clerk gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it.
So she makes a circle about 3 inches in daimeter and in the centre she writes "seven ten".

Scroll down to see the picture of the part she was looking for.....

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The "seven ten" cap!!!!!