Jerri is planting a tree.
Jerri: There we go. Hello there, little ficus. I�m Jerri Blank, and I�m a 46-year-old high school freshman. Ya know, you and I got a lot in common. We both have thick, leathery bark, we�ve both got initials carved into our trunks and we�re both setting down new roots. Me, back in school, after 32 years of drug addiction, prostitution and money laundering, and you here, after being ripped from the secure beauty of your native soils. So, happy Saint Arbor�s Day, weak little ficus. Oh, it�s not a legal holiday, but, ya know, neither are most of the Jew ones.
Scene � Lockers.
Jerri is standing at her locker, looking through a yearbook.
Jerri (to herself): Taken�redneck�
Orlando: So, Jerri�
Jerri (to herself): Too fat, mama�s boy�
Orlando: Did you ask someone to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
Jerri: I�m working on it.
Orlando: The dance is this Friday.
Jerri: I can read a calendar.
Orlando: Hey, I made you a present. It�s a friendship collage.
He hands her the friendship collage.
Jerri: Thanks a bunch.
Orlando: I made it out of, uh, words and pictures from magazines.
Jerri: What, you want a medal? I said, �thank you.�
Orlando: Good luck at thinking of somebody to ask to the dance.
Jerri: Thanks.
Orlando smiles at Jerri.
Jerri: I�ve gotta go.
Orlando: Well, if you get a chance, check out the �
Jerri: Friendship collage, right. I�m not deaf and you don�t stutter.
Orlando: Alright.
Orlando walks away. Principal Blackman approaches Jerri.
Blackman: Bonjour, Senorita Blank. Have you decided who you�re going to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, yet?
Jerri: Well, I �
Blackman: I thought as much. As always, this year, Special Ed is looking for volunteers to escort violent students to the dance. We don�t wanna make them feel disappointed, keeps them calmer.
Jerri: But I �
Blackman: Don�t worry. We�ll be supplying you all with tasers. We don�t want a repeat of last year�s debacle. Hmm?
Jerri: I�ll think about it.
Blackman: Mmm.
Principal Blackman uses a taser on a student.
Student: Hey!
Blackman: Works like a charm.
Scene � Mr. Noblet�s class.
Mr. Noblet is showing slides to the class.
Noblet: Here, we see the acropolis � literally, �the high city.� Theater of Dionysus � birthplace of drama. That�s me on the beach. Perfectly appropriate beachwear for Greece. On the beach. Beach. With a goat. And finally, Zeus, �father of the gods,� with my head on top�it was this cutout thing they had�on the beach. Lance, lights? Before we leave, that (points to a student) is Ricky. He�s a new student here at Flatpoint. As you can see, Ricky, all the desks have been taken by real Flatpoint students, so I�m afraid I�m gonna have to ask you to sit on that box of slightly irregular jeans. Go on. Now, I want you to treat Ricky as you would any other student you don�t know anything about, and who evidently feels he can just waltz into my classroom in the middle of the semester and expect me to change my lesson plan! Why don�t we give him a big Flatpoint High welcome?
The bell rings.
Noblet: Maybe next time.
Student: Why are we stuck with the new student?
Jerri: Tell me about it. Nice pants.
Jerri drops a notebook. She and Ricky both bend down to pick it up. Mr. Noblet goes over to them.
Noblet (to Ricky): Busted! I�ve been waiting all since you walked in here for you to slip up.
Jerri: But �
Noblet: Jerri, it�s OK. Principal Blackman will take care of our little handyman, here. Oh, yeah.
Scene � Principal Blackman�s office.
Principal Blackman is speaking with Ricky.
Blackman: You don�t fool me, Ricky. I know all about your kind. Your new student eyes immediately graze over the firm young flanks of our females, and I won�t have it, capiche, amigo? There�s nothing I�d like better than to put you new students back on the boat to where you came from, comprendsevous? You can go now.
Ricky: I want you to know, Principal Blackman, I�ll work hard to try and fit in here at�Flatpoint.
Blackman: Talk your monkey ass off. I�ll be watching you.
Scene � Outside the school.
Ricky is fixing his tire. Jerri approaches him.
Jerri: What�cha doing?
Ricky: Somebody slashed my tire.
Jerri: Yeah, I know. I did it.
Ricky: Why�d you do that?
Jerri: I�ve got a good excuse: Peer pressure.
Ricky: Who put ya up to it?
Jerri: Nobody. Sorry. Let me help you with that. I like your wheels. Vintage?
Ricky: I like �em old. Old and fast.
Jerri: Really? Name�s Jerri.
Ricky: Blank�I remember.
Jerri: I bet she runs sweet. Ya know what would really make �er hum? Pop out the block, drop in a 454 holly four barrel, throw in some headers, what the hell, functional hood scoop. You know where you�d feel all that power? Right in the seat of your pants.
Some girls drive up.
Student: What�s going on here, Jerri?
Jerri: Uh, just, uh, slashing the new meat�s tires.
Jerri slashes Ricky�s tire.
Student: Way to go, Jerri.
Student: Hey, we�re going over to the Bronzery Barn. You wanna come with?
Jerri: Let me finish teaching this punk a lesson.
Jerri bends the car�s antenna, smashes the passenger side window and scratches the side of the car.
Jerri (to Ricky): I don�t mean any of this, really. I like ya a lot. Call me.
Jerri gets into the girl�s car and they leave.
Scene � Jerri�s kitchen.
Sara is making a dress and Guy is assisting her.
Sara: Hold still, Guy.
Jerri enters the kitchen.
Sara: Oh, Jerri, I need to know tonight whom you�re taking to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I can�t finish your dress until I know what he�s wearing. That way, I can coordinate the hems.
Jerri: Well, I haven�t really decided yet.
Sara: Oh, why don�t you take one of those�violent students? Spike Jabber called.
Jerri: Even I can do better than Spike Jabber, Mother.
Sara: Look, I�ll just finish up the dress, and then if it turns out to be one of the violent students, I can just reinforce the trouble spots. I love the golf theme this year.
Jerri: I don�t know, �Bogie Nights?�
Sara: Aw, I think it�s cute.
Jerri: Speaking of �cute,� um, there�s this new kid at school.
Sara: New? I don�t like the sound of that.
Jerri: Well, he�s really nice.
Sara: Most new people are, until provoked. And then they turn out to be�different.
Derrick enters the kitchen.
Derrick: Mom, did you see my cumberbun?
Sara: Ohh.
Derrick (to Jerri): Hey, Sac, your face looks like a moccasin.
Jerri: Hello, Shaft. I thought I smelled ball smoke.
Derrick: So who you begging to the dance, Spank?
Jerri: I�ve got someone in mind.
Derrick: I wouldn�t be surprised if you took the new kid.
Sara: Hey, Derrick. I don�t wanna hear that talk in my house. Not even as a joke.
Jerri: I�ll be in my bedroom.
Scene � Jerri�s bedroom.
Jerri is writing in her diary.
Jerri (reading out loud as she writes): Dear Diary, things are going great at school and at home. I love my stepmother, couldn�t be happier. Well, gotta go do my homework. Ta-ta for now. Jerri.
Jerri puts the diary away and pulls out another diary.
Jerri (reading out loud as she writes): Dear Real Diary, I�m dying inside, and I hate my stepmother. I wanna ask the new boy to the dance, but no one would understand. What to do? Desperately yours, Jerri.
Jerri looks at the friendship collage Orlando made.
Jerri: Ah, it�s beautiful.
Scene � School.
Jerri is trying to get Ricky�s attention.
Jerri (whispering): Ricky. Ricky. Psst. (yelling) Ricky! (other students look at her) Ooh�down with the new student! Blech! Mmm.
Ricky: Hey, Jerri.
Jerri: Shh. Keep it down, keep it down. Follow me and don�t fight it. Shh.
Jerri brings Ricky into the Violent Student Lounge.
Jerri (to a violent student): Um, uh, could we maybe like, have a minute?
Jerri releases the student from his bondage and he gets up.
Jerri (to the violent student while pointing to the door): No, that way.
The violent student runs out of the room. People in the hallway scream.
Jerri: Ricky�so, uh, how�s your car?
Ricky: I have to replace the front quarter panel and the passenger side glass.
Jerri: Oh, boy, those glass and fender dudes will really screw ya. Listen, why don�t you go see my man, Nico? Tell him you�re a friend of mine.
Ricky: Am I a friend of yours, Jerri?
Jerri: Well, if you weren�t, would I have made you�this?
Jerri shows him the friendship collage Orlando made for her; she has written Ricky�s name over her name.
Jerri: Nice? I made it myself.
Ricky: Oh, thank you, Jerri.
Jerri: Hey, Ricky�will you, uh, maybe, I was thinking, uh, do you wanna maybe, go to the, uh, I don�t know, danc � dan � dance with me?
Ricky: Oh, but wouldn�t that cause problems, Jerri?
Jerri: Eh, problem�s my middle name. I picked it up in Florida about 15 years ago.
Ricky: Oh, that�s where I�m from!
Jerri: Really? What a coinkidink! Florida�mmm. Beautiful weather, harsh penal system.
A teacher brings the violent student back into the room. Jerri leads Ricky out of the room. Ricky walks off with the collage and Orlando sees it.
Scene � Coach Wolf�s class.
Wolf: I know a lot of you ladies are going to be attending the big dance on Friday. Be prepared. It�s important that you have clean lines around the delta region. Now, Jerri, come on up here, we�re gonna do a little demonstration.
Student: Woo-hoo, Jerri!
Student: Alright, Jerri!
Wolf: Just drop your drawers, Jerri, and relax.
Jerri drops her drawers.
Wolf: Oh�I hope I have enough wax.
Coach Wolf applies the wax.
Wolf: Now, there are several ways you can go when dealing with the area on either side of the bacon strip. I prefer a clean, simple line!
Coach Wolf removes the waxing strips and holds them up, and the class gasps. The bell rings.
Wolf: OK. That�s it for today. Have fun at the dance! Thank you, Jerri.
Jerri (to Coach Wolf, referring to the waxing strips): Can I take those home?
Scene � Hallway.
Jerri is walking with her friends.
Student: Hey, Jerri, you�re gonna have a great-looking bacon strip for the dance.
Jerri: Ooh, I better.
Student: So, did you ask anybody yet?
Student: Yeah!
Jerri: No.
Student: Jerri, the dance is this Friday.
Mr. Jellineck approaches Jerri.
Jellineck: Jerri? Hi, can I speak with you for a moment?
Jerri: Sure. (to her friends) I�ll catch up with you booties later, alright?
Students: Bye!
Scene � Classroom.
Mr. Jellineck is speaking with Jerri while some violent students destroy some instruments.
Jellineck: I�m having some of the violent students work out their aggression on the percussion instruments. (to the violent students) OK! Jerri, what�s this I�m hearing about you spending time with the new new student?
Jerri: Who told you that?
Jellineck: Let�s just say a jealous little Filipino snitch told me. Damn it, Jerri! New students lead to bad reputations.
Jerri: Yeah, but he�s �
Jellineck: If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we�d all have a bowl of granola! Jerri, come on, use your brain, make some smart choices. Spike Jabber�s making eyes at you.
Scene � Jerri�s bedroom.
Ricky�s throwing rocks at Jerri�s window. She looks out the window.
Jerri: It�s Ricky. Ricky!
Jerri lets Ricky in through the window.
Ricky: I�m sorry it�s so late, but I had to talk to somebody�and you�re the only one I know who doesn�t hate me.
Jerri: Oh, no. Sit. You can talk to me, Ricky. Shove your words into my ear.
Ricky: I�m thinking of running away.
Jerri: What? If you run away, it would break your mother�s heart.
Ricky: I�m an orphan, Jerri. I don�t know anything about my real mother�y�know, just what genetics tells me.
Jerri: Mmm�and what�s that?
Ricky: She was probably a short, squat woman with thinning hair and a debilitating overbite.
Jerri: Mmm�she sounds pretty. I don�t want you to go, Ricky. I like you. I like you a lot.
Ricky: Ooh, I like you, too, Mommy.
Jerri: What?
Ricky: I mean, Jerri. I was thinking about her. Look, I better go. But, first, they found this on me when I was a baby. I want you to have it.
Ricky hands Jerri his necklace.
Jerri: It�s a tooth. Thank you, Ricky. I�ll treasure it.
Scene � School.
Student: Hey, Jerri. We just got some unsettling news that you and that new student got a cozy little friendship going.
Jerri: Well, where did ya hear that?
Student: I�m not gonna tell you. I�m not a snitch, like your little friend Orlando, who told me all about you and that new student.
Jerri: Well, it�s not true.
Student: Oh, yeah? Then who are you taking to the dance?
Jerri: Uh, well, uh, I was gonna ask, uh, uh� (she sees Spike Jabber) Spike! I was just telling the ladies about um, our Sadie Hawkins date.
Spike makes a noise of agreement.
Jerri: See?
Student: So, you�re not going with Ricky, right?
Jerri: Ricky? Are you kidding me? He�s nothing like us; he�s new.
Ricky overhears.
Jerri: Ricky�
Ricky: I was just coming to give you this collection of sonnets. Oh, but I guess you won�t want it now.
Jerri: No, this book means the world to me. Don�t look at what I�m doing. Just listen to what I�m saying. (she rips pages out of the book) I will always, always treasure this book�or rather, ya know, what�s left of it.
Student: Way to go, Jerri.
Student: Yeah, Jerri.
Jerri: Ricky, I�m so sorry, but we can�t go to the dance. I just can�t be new again.
Scene � Dance.
Jerri (to Spike): Look, I�m gonna go get some punch.
Spike: I�m gonna hit the crapper. When I get back, you better be here.
Ricky arrives at the dance and Principal Blackman stops him.
Blackman: Hold it right there at the border, mi muchacho. You see, the last time I checked, this dance wasn�t accepting green cards from los estudiantes nuevos.
Ricky: I didn�t come here to dance, Principal Blackman. I came here to leave. I just wanted to tell Jerri.
Jerri: Ricky! (to someone in her way) Outta my way.
Ricky: I�m leaving Flatpoint, Jerri.
Jerri: What?
Ricky: I don�t blame you. It�s not always easy doing the wrong things the right way.
Jerri: That�s funny. That�s what I always say.
Orlando notices Jerri and Ricky conversing.
Orlando: No! (to everyone) Club �em!
Others: Yeah!
They grab Ricky and prepare to beat him with their golf clubs.
Blackman: Get �em! Club �em!
Jerri: Wait!
She smashes a decoration and gets everyone�s attention.
Jerri: Is it so different to be new? And is it so strange to be different? Now, I�m not saying that new isn�t bad; of course it is. But on this Saint Arbor�s Day week, we must realize that the new sapling grows into the mighty old oak, which we cut down to make our new axe handles, which, in turn, we use to chop down our mighty old oaks. Ricky�
Jerri helps Ricky get up.
Orlando: That � that was beautiful, Jerri.
Blackman: I hereby declare Ricky and Jerri �Master� and �Mistress� of �Bogie Nights!� Fit them with their jackets!
Jerri drives Ricky around the gym in a golf cart as everyone applauds. Spike arrives and sees this.
Spike: Jerri!
Spike throws golf balls at people.
Ricky (to Jerri): Let�s go, now!
Jerri and Ricky get out of the golf cart.
Spike: Jerri!
Ricky (as Jerri gets into the golf cart): Go, Jerri, what are you doing? Jerri, no!
Jerri hits Spike with the golf cart.
Scene � Outside, Jerri and Ricky are sitting in the golf cart.
Jerri: Ooh!
Ricky: Thanks for sticking up for me, Jerri.
Jerri: Oh.
They kiss.
Ricky (pointing to Jerri�s mouth): I couldn�t help noticing.
Jerri: Oh, the gap? Yeah, I got a tooth knocked out by a border guard down in Florida about 15 years ago. Hey, I oughta replace it with this! (she puts the tooth from Ricky�s necklace in her gap) Wow, it fits perfectly.
Ricky: Remember how I said I never met my real mother?
Jerri: Yeah, it�s too bad.
Ricky: I, I think�I think maybe I just have.
Jerri: Oh my dear lord.
Ricky: Why, Mom? Why?
Jerri: Look, you have to understand, I was a teenage runaway for 32 years. I did things I wouldn�t force on a mule�and that includes things I forced on a mule.
Ricky: You just gave me away?
Jerri: No, no, never. I traded you for a guitar. God. And all these years, I�ve wondered, �What happened to that guitar?�
Ricky: Do you even know who my real father is?
Jerri: Of course, of course I do, of course. Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida�let�s see, it was either this obese bail bondsman with a harelip or a Cuban. Yeah, I�m pretty sure it was a Cuban, �cause they were as thick as flies down there. But that�s not the important thing. The important thing is we�re together now.
Ricky: You just can�t just waltz back into my life and be my mom.
Jerri: Well, maybe I can be your friend.
Ricky: That would have been great, but I�m transferring out again. My foster dad just got a new job.
Jerri: No, I won�t let you go, not now, not again.
Ricky: I have to.
Jerri: Alright. I guess it�s for the best, seems I don�t have a job or any maternal instincts. But at least I know you�ll be out there, not relying on me.
Ricky: Goodbye, Mom.
Ricky walks away.
Jerri: Well, can�t we still make out? Ricky!
Ricky leaves. Jerri starts to drives away in the golf cart.
Jerri: Oh, I hope Spike�s still kickin� � the bacon strip�s sizzlin�! Come on, Spike!
Scene � Baseball field.
Jerri: Well, little tree. It�s been quite a week. I hope you grew as much as I did. I�ve learned a lot: That golf cleats can really rip up the gym floor, that the violent make passionate lovers and that befriending new people can lead to having sex with your children�accidentally. Well, I hope you enjoyed your week in the sun.
Jerri chops down the tree.
Jerri: Goodnight.
transcripts page.