"Nobody" (A:TS)
by Debbie Nockels
(October 2000)


RATING: �NC-17 for sexual content
CATEGORY: �Vignette/Romance/lots of Angst
SPOILERS: �Season 1 of A:TS through"Sanctuary" - Seasons 1-4 of BtVS through "New Moon Rising"
DISCLAIMER: �I don't own any of the characters from BTVS or ANGEL. �They're owned by Joss Whedon (who ought to treat them nicer), MutantEnemy, Kuzui, Sandollar, the WB, Fox, etc.
SUMMARY: �Yet another alternate ending to "Sanctuary".
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������ Buffy stood frozen, heedless of the irate mutters of those forced to squeeze around her in the narrow corridor, not even seeing Wesley's concerned glance as he passed. Her eyes remained fixed on the tall, dark-clad figure who was stopped several feet in front of her. �Desperately she tried to convince herself that she was mistaken, that Angel hadn't spoken the words she'd just heard come out of his mouth - but she knew there was no mistake. �She knew she'd heard correctly, and the knowledge cut deeper than any knife possibly could.

������ "Who are you?" the woman detective had demanded only a moment ago, throwing her an angry, impatient glare as she hustled Angel toward her desk, eager to book him and throw him into that cell she'd just mentioned - the one that faced the rising sun.

������ "She's nobody," Angel had replied, just as impatiently and without so much as a glance in Buffy's direction.

������ Nobody . . . nobody . . . nobody.

������ The word rang in Buffy's mind, echoing louder and louder until it was all she could hear. �Mechanically, unaware of what she was doing, she turned and walked away, retracing her steps down the long, bending hallway leading to the doors that would allow her to escape from this suffocating building. �It seemed to take forever, but finally she stood outside the police station, breathing in the late-night air. �Los Angeles was going through one of its unseasonable heat waves, and Buffy was grateful for the warmth. �Her body felt like an icicle, frozen and stiff. Still on automatic, Buffy turned right and began walking.

������ Nobody. �He said I was nobody.

������ Well, that was clear enough. �Whatever feelings Angel had once had for her were obviously gone now. �She should have guessed when she'd discovered him holding Faith, comforting her while she wept. �What clearer indication could she ask for? �He'd even hit her. �A small, niggling thought tried to intrude at this point, but she pushed it away before it could form.

������ Nobody. �She was nobody to Angel. �Not important. �No-one. �

������ She kept walking. �Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot . . . crossing square after square of pavement, some smooth, some with grass growing through the cracks, until she found herself gazing around Angel's apartment, where her feet had carried her, all unknowing.

������ Suddenly exhausted, she collapsed on the couch and stared straight ahead, unseeing. �All right. �Time to face facts. �It was over. �Angel no longer loved her. �All the passion, the kisses, the tenderness . . . the tears . . . all over now. �Of the past, never to be repeated. �The irony overwhelmed her.

������ I came here to warn him about Faith, but also to let him know that even though I've found that "normal life" he wanted me to have, I'll always love him. �And what happens? �He gives Faith hug therapy and tells that police detective I'm nobody. �Guess we could have sex now and his soul wouldn't budge an inch. �Unless that "moment of true happiness" thing is just another name for an orgasm. �"In two hundred and forty-three years, I've loved exactly one person." �Yeah, right. �It didn't last long, did it?

������ Round and round her thoughts whirled. �Memories of Angel holding her, kissing her, telling her he loved her, mingled with newer images forever seared into her brain: Angel holding Faith in his arms, comforting the bitch who'd stolen her life . . . Angel confronting her, defending Faith . . . Angel casually remarking that she was nobody. . . .

������ "There you are. �Why did you leave like that? �Wesley said you just walked out."

������ Buffy blinked, slowly returning to the real world. �She looked up and her heart twisted. �It was Angel, looking down at her with mild puzzlement that changed to concern. �"Are you all right?"

������ Buffy repressed an insane desire to laugh. �"Peachy," she said instead. �"Never better. �How come you're not in jail? �That lady cop seemed hell-bent on turning you into toast."

������ Angel sat beside her. �Buffy stifled the impulse to spring up from the couch, contenting herself with turning to face him, in the process scooting at least six inches away before coming up against the padded arm. �Angel didn't seem to notice. �"Faith was there, didn't you see her?"

������ He glanced at her; Buffy shook her head. �After Angel's remark in the police corridor she'd seen and heard nothing. �Angel went on. �"She turned herself in and told the police that I was the one who persuaded her to do it. �So Kate had no grounds to hold me."

������ "Well, isn't that nice?" Buffy noted. �"Happy endings all around. �You're not a pile of dust and Faith's in prison where she belongs. �So I guess it's time to get on with our lives." �She stood. �Angel remained seated.

������ "What did Faith do to you, Buffy?"

������ "You mean this time around?" �She faced him squarely. �"Does it matter?"

������ "If you mean, will it make me stop helping her, no," he returned calmly. �"But she obviously hurt you badly, and of course that matters."

������ Did it? �Buffy shrugged. �"Oh, it was nothing much. �She just switched bodies with me, that's all. �So the police arrested me instead of her, and when the Council goons came for her it was me they kidnapped, and it was me who they spat on, and me who they almost killed. �In the meantime she was having a ball laughing with my friends and living in my house and wearing my clothes."

������ "Not to mention sleeping with your new boyfriend," Angel put in quietly.

������ Her eyebrows rose in surprise. �"You know about that?" �

������ Angel nodded. �"Faith mentioned it; she thought I already knew about him." �He paused. �"It's that Riley person I saw you talking to at Thanksgiving, isn't it?"

������ "Riley Finn," Buffy contributed. �"Yes. �He's the TA in my Psych class, and he's a really great guy." �

������ Angel looked away. �"I'm sure he is if you care for him." �He stopped, then, eyes still averted, said, "Do you - care for him?"

������ Buffy's eyebrow went up again. �"I'm not in the habit of dating people I don't like."

������ He swung around. �"You know what I mean. �Do you - love him?"

������ "Love?" �Buffy shrugged. �"What's love? �Usually what you think is love turns out to be just infatuation or lust, or some other fly-by-night emotion. �You should know that, with all the experience you've had at it." �Try as she might she couldn't keep a touch of bitterness from creeping into her voice.

������ "What?" �Angel regarded her, his forehead creased in a frown.

������ She attempted a light laugh. "Oh, please. �You told me yourself that you'd been with lots of women before me. �Dozens, I believe you said. �Maybe even more, you also said."

������ "Buffy - " he started, looking confused.

������ Buffy shut her eyes for a moment. ��"Look, let's just stop this," she said tightly, holding onto the last remnant of control. �She opened her eyes. �"It was fun while it lasted, it was great, but now it's over. �You can stop feeling guilty about the girl you left behind because I've moved on too. �That's life. �So now let's shake hands and say we'll keep in touch, and I'll go back to Riley and you return to whoever or whatever it is you now have in your life - existence - whatever."

������ "What are you talking about?" �Angel leaned forward, his brow creased more than ever.

������ He wanted to play games, did he? �Fine. �"I'm talking about whoever it is you've met that you're now involved with. �I just hope for your sake that it isn't Faith; she really is psycho, you know."

������ Angel got to his feet. �"Buffy, I don't know where you've gotten this idea from, but you're wrong. �You may have moved on but I can't; remember? �I'm not allowed to." �Now he sounded bitter.

������ "That's right, you can't have sex," Buffy said with mock commiseration. �"That pesky happiness clause is a real bitch. �But obviously you were celibate for a hundred years before you were with me, so how awful can it be? �Especially if there really isn't anyone new in your life to tempt you."

������ "What?" �He stared at her. �"I don't believe I'm hearing this. �I wasn't celibate during that time, Buffy, and I didn't lose my soul because I had sex. �I lost my soul because I had sex with you - because the night that we made love I knew a joy and completion greater than anything I've ever felt before, or since."

������It was impossible not to believe him. �Tears sprang to Buffy's eyes, and she had to swallow before she could answer. �"Thank you. �It's good to know that it was real for a little while." �Her voice was husky. �"Too bad things change, but that's life. �As I guess I've already mentioned. �Well, at least we can part with no hard feelings." �She held out her hand.

������Angel remained staring at her. �"What are you really saying, Buffy? �Because I don't have a clue what you mean."

������"Why are you doing this?" Buffy gritted through clenched teeth. �"Is it fun seeing the expression on my face, or what? �Angel, you don't love me anymore. �Fine. �I accept that. �Have a good life. �Good-bye." �

������Turning on her heel she stalked away. �Before she'd taken more than two steps a hand on her arm spun her around, and she was in Angel's hard embrace and his lips were fastening on hers with palpable longing. �Buffy whimpered once in futile protest, not at Angel's action but at the hunger that sprang into instant life at his touch. �It was humiliating, this lack of control over the emotion sweeping over her like a tidal wave.

������ Humiliating and just a bit frightening.

������ His cold kisses burned through to the center of her core, his arms held her so tightly she could hardly breathe. �With a little sob, she rose up on her toes and wrapped her arms around Angel's neck in a hold that would have strangled a breathing man, pressing against him, returning his kiss so fiercely that her lip cracked and she tasted her own blood.

������ Angel tasted it too. �A tremendous shudder went through his body and when he raised his head Buffy saw that his eyes were yellow. �Deliberately she touched her forefinger to the blood on her lip. �She looked at the bright red drop, then held her finger up to Angel's lips. �He hesitated, then slowly, delicately, licked the blood from her finger, his eyes never leaving hers. �

������ Buffy gasped, feeling the touch of his tongue clear through to her toes. �"I love you," she whispered. �Angel pulled her close. �"I love you," she heard just before his mouth reclaimed her.

������ Again his kiss burned, and again the tide of desire rose within her. �His hands roamed over her back, his mouth left hers and descended, searing kisses along her neck and shoulders. �The occasional scrape of his teeth only inflamed her more. �She grabbed his shirt and pulled. �The buttons went flying, revealing the pale marble expanse of his chest. �

������ Buffy ran her hands over the hard muscles, greedy to touch him and savor his uniqueness once more. �She licked his right nipple, then suckled it until he trembled and moaned. �The next instant they were on their knees on the living room rug, then she was flat on her back with Angel above her, kissing her and unfastening her pants with hands made uncharacteristically awkward by haste. �The fabric slid down her legs just as Buffy squirmed out of her tank top. �Since she wasn't wearing a bra, that left her naked except for her panties, and those were soon disposed of. �She reached for Angel's trousers, yanking them down as he kicked off his shoes barely in time to avoid snagging his pants.

������ He was erect, and Buffy grasped him eagerly, stroking and squeezing until his already rigid length was like velvet-covered iron in her hand. �Angel's gasp was cold against her throat, and then his mouth, equally cool, surrounded her left breast, so that it was her turn to gasp.

������ He worked her nipple with his tongue, sucking and licking then sucking again, and then did the same with the other breast, until the sensation became almost painful and her nipples stood out like pebbles against her satin skin. �His hand snaked downward, and she gasped again and groaned at the touch of his coldness caressing her most intimate heat. �His fingertips brushed over her clitoris, sending a rush of sensation through her, and then he was moving between her legs and she was moaning his name and arching upward to meet him, and all the while they couldn't stop kissing, their mouths joining again and again, tongues delving.

������ He slid inside her, easily because she was so ready for him, had been ready almost since their first kiss, aching for his touch, for his hardness inside her. �"Buffy," he groaned, drawing back, "I love you," and plunged forward again. �She whispered his name in turn, and met his lunge. �Their bodies impacted with an audible smack.

������ Buffy gave an inarticulate cry; she'd almost forgotten what it felt like to have his cold length buried within her, sending electric ripples throughout her like nothing she'd ever felt with Riley and knew she'd never feel with anyone else but this vampire who was her true love. �Her soulmate.

������ She kissed him as he hunched above her, and he slid his arms beneath her, holding her close while their bodies joined and parted and then joined again, over and over and over, until Buffy was covered with a film of sweat and Angel's pale skin flushed a delicate pink as the small amount of blood in his system rose closer to the surface.

������ Buffy was drowning, awash in a sea of emotions and sensations that kept building, higher and higher and then finally, just at the point of becoming unbearable, overflowed. �She cried out, convulsing, and a moment later felt Angel's orgasmic spasms as he called her name in a voice so strangled it was barely recognizable. �His arms tightened around her until it was all over. �Then Angel released her only to collapse in a spent heap half atop her.

������ Buffy was barely aware of where she was, only that she was in Angel's arms and that her body was still thrumming from their lovemaking. �Later she wondered if she'd briefly fallen asleep, for the next thing she knew she was lying on her side, looking into Angel's anguished face and seeing his tears. �"Angel?" �She brushed the tears away. �"What's wrong?"

������ He shook his head. �"I'm so weak, Buffy. �I knew this shouldn't happen, but I couldn't stop myself. �I've missed you so much."

������ His words acted like a bucket of cold water smack in her face, shocking her back to reality. �Gasping, she shot upright. �"Oh my God! �Angel, what have we done?" �She stared at him, trembling, her eyes tragic. �"The curse - how much time before - "

������ He got up on one elbow and reached for her. �"It's all right," he murmured soothingly. �"You don't have to worry about the curse."

������ "But - how - why not?" she stammered, wondering if the loophole had already been activated and if this was actually Angelus, playing the mind games he so loved.

������ Melancholy flooded Angel's dark eyes. �"The happiness wasn't perfect this time, because mingled with it was the despair of knowing how selfish I was being." �

������ He'd lost her. �"Selfish? �How were you being any more selfish than I was? �There were two of us involved in this, remember?" �Buffy calmed down a bit, reassured by his words as well as his manner. �She didn't think Angelus was that good an actor.

������ "I should have let you go on thinking I didn't love you anymore." �He paused, wrinkling his brow. �"Why did you think that, by the way?"

������ "You told that lady cop I was nobody." �The memory still hurt, but it was a distant pain now that she knew he still loved her.

������ Angel blinked. �"Oh. �Buffy, I was trying to divert Kate's attention away from you. �If she starts investigating you, there's no telling what she'd find. �Just think what the Sunnydale police might tell her, off the record."

������ "Oh." �She realized he was right. �Her history with the Sunnydale PD was a rocky one at best. �All it would take is one phone call from this Kate, and the Police Chief would be more than willing to talk her ear off about one Buffy Summers, troublemaker.

������ "I'm sorry if you misunderstood," he told her softly. �"I never wanted to hurt you. �Not with Faith and definitely not with Kate."

������ She held up a hand. �"Maybe we better not discuss Faith just now. �Talking about her would be a definite mood-spoiler." �Angel tilted his head in acquiescence and she continued, "And what you said to the cop? �I'm okay with it now. �I understand why you said it, and best of all I know it doesn't mean what I thought it did. �Now, can we go back to why you feel guilty about us making love tonight?"

������ "Because you were starting to build a new life without me, and now we're right back to square one," he sighed. �"Buffy, nothing has changed. �We still can't be together." �

������ Buffy drew in a long, deep breath. �"We managed okay last year," she said carefully. �"Why would it be different now?"

������ He regarded her straightly. �"Because now we've reminded ourselves of what we're missing. �Do you really think we could see each other on a daily basis, or even only weekly, and not long for more? �It's only been fifteen minutes since we made love, and already I can hardly resist the temptation to take you in my arms and make love to you again."

������ His words were like hammer blows against her heart. �Buffy blinked back the moisture collecting in her eyes. �"Me too," she whispered. �"You're right; it's too dangerous. �We can't risk your soul like this again."

������ Resolutely she stood up, even though her heart was screaming protests and every cell of her body yearned to stay with him. �Looking around she spotted her clothes and put them on. �Angel did the same. �

������ When they were both fully dressed, they faced each other. �Buffy saw the torment on Angel's face and knew hers reflected the same misery. �"Kiss me," she whispered pleadingly as tears spilled over onto her cheeks. �"Kiss me goodbye."

������ Angel's cheeks were also wet. �Without a word he bent down and their lips met in a long and loving kiss. �When at last it ended, she remained in his arms for a long moment. �"Maybe we have to live separate lives," Buffy said huskily, "but at least I have this memory to see me through it. �I'll never forget tonight, Angel. �Never."

������ His flinch surprised her. �She looked up at him, but all he said was, "Neither will I. �I love you."

������ "I love you," she managed, then abruptly pulled away, knowing that if she didn't leave now she never would. �"Goodbye." �Without a backward look she ran up the stairs. �As she reached the top she heard his voice from below.

������ "Goodbye."

������ Blinded by tears, Buffy squared her shoulders and stepped out into the night.


THE END

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