Home Before Dark - Part Thirteen
by Debbie Nockels
COPYRIGHT: April 2002
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from BTVS or ANGEL. They're owned by Joss Whedon (who needs to treat them nicer), MutantEnemy, Kuzui, Sandollar, David Greenwalt, the WB, UPN, Fox, etc.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Once again I have to tender my apologies to Joss for tampering with his lyrics.
THANKS: To Janice (coppersinger) for her assistance with adapting the lyrics and, in the case of Buffy's song "Foolishness," for writing them! The song should be sung to the tune of "Agony" from the Brodway musical Into The Woods, music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
_____________________________________________________________________
Even as Buffy put down the receiver, she knew she was being irrational. Why shouldn't Angel teach Cordelia how to fight? He was an expert and Cordy should know how to defend herself. In fact, thinking about it objectively Buffy was surprised they'd waited this long to begin self-defense lessons.
Too bad that cool objectivity didn't last beyond the first mental image of Angel standing behind Cordelia as he'd done with her when teaching her a new move - his hands touching . . . guiding her motions . . . cool on her overheated skin . . . his body tantalizingly close. . . .
Cordelia was a part of Angel's life now - an important part. Aside from more mundane assistance, she was his connection to the Powers That Be. The visions They sent her were one of the means by which Angel helped people, thus fulfilling his role as a warrior for good
and enabling him to progress along the slow road to redemption. But even more significant was the fact that Cordelia was family. All of them - Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia, even Fred and Lorne - were family. They were involved with his life in Los Angeles in a way she couldn't be. The casual, being with him all day/every day kind of way. And Cordelia was a beautiful woman, even if that new short hair wasn't the most becoming style for her, in Buffy's opinion.
Wasn't there a cliche about men suddenly noticing a woman who'd been there all along? Sort of the girl next door syndrome, only applied to an office setting? She was sure she'd watched an old black-and-white movie on television last year about that very subject -
the boss all at once realizing that his secretary was very attractive, and falling in love with her. Of course Cordelia wasn't a secretary and Angel wasn't her boss anymore, but now that he was teaching her self-defense they were involved in a manner they hadn't been before - one that involved one-on-one, head-to-toe, sometimes rolling-on-the-floor-together physical contact.
And Cordy was tall too. Angel wouldn't have to break his back bending over to kiss her.
"Well?"
Buffy blinked. A circle of expectant faces greeted her. She'd walked back into the main room of the store without realizing it. "What?"
"Did Wesley have any suggestions?" Giles asked.
"Oh. Uh, no, but he said he'd, um, check some references, ask around - that kind of thing." She made a vague gesture.
Giles studied her. "Is everything all right? You seem rather - distracted."
"No, I'm fine. I just - uh - I think I need some fresh air." Buffy headed for the door. "I'll be back in a little while."
"What about the coffee?" Anya called after her.
Buffy turned, the bell chiming over her head. "Coffee? Yeah, that's a great idea. I'll bring some for everyone." The door closed behind her.
There was a baffled silence. "Okay," Xander said. "Is anyone else wondering what the hell happened during that phone call?"
The sun was still fairly high in the sky, but a few clouds could be seen on the horizon and the unseasonal warmth of the day had begun to cool. Buffy made her way down the sidewalk, dodging harried mothers with fretful children, groups of loudly chattering students, and business-suited professionals of both genders going about their business. Automatically she wove a path through them while her thoughts churned back and forth, making her feel like one of those old cartoon characters that had an angel talking into one ear and a devil whispering into the other. No, it was as if there were two Buffys; one of them cool, rational and mature; the other all insecure, roiling emotion that had never heard of logic.
Okay, Buffy, you�re doing it again. You�re acting like a silly schoolgirl instead of someone who�ll be twenty-one in a couple of months. Angel doesn�t love Cordelia, except in a brother-sister-friend kind of way. He loves *you*, and you know it!
Yeah, but he can't *be* with me without risking his soul. That wouldn't be a problem with Cordy. And God knows she's beautiful and sexy and - and Angel may be a vampire but he's also a man, with normal male urges.
Great, now you're suggesting that Angel would use Cordy just to get laid? Not to mention thinking that Cordy would allow herself to be used like that? No way, huh-uh, that would never happen, not in a million years - even supposing there's something like that between them, which there isn't.
You're right; I know you're right. There's nothing between them except a really deep friendship, just like with me and the Scoobies. So why doesn't knowing that make me feel any better?
Music came out of nowhere. She started singing:
"Cordy's his sister,
His seer, his friend
This shouldn't bother me
He wouldn't use her
For 'needs' or a whim
But in my mind I see -
"Foolishness!
'Cause he lives in L.A.
Sunnydale is my home
And his seems so far, far away
"She'd never settle
Or play second fiddle
To me in his heart
But shared joy and laughter
And tears and disaster
Each day can breed more
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
"Foolishness!
Oh God, why can't I stop?
Seeing more than there is to them
When I know that there's not
"I'm just a fool, but he's
Not blind
She's gorgeous
Compassionate
Smart, sexy
Bitchy
I'm bitchy too, I know
Yet he loves me still
"And it's everything that I have wished for
"So why these?
Help me, please!
Gods, I must be mad!
Buffy laughed suddenly, harshly:
"You know nothing of madness
'Til you claw from your grave
Your first real thought his name
And you vow this time
You'll hold to love this time
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
"Foolishness
Jealousy
Love
Must they go hand in hand?
"I get three steps ahead
Then I'm pulled down again
And I just want to stand
"Foolishness!
That this cuts like a knife
"Ah, well . . .
"Back to my . . . life!"
The music faded. She looked around. No one was near except for one couple, who applauded her. "Great," Buffy muttered. Turning, she trudged back to the Magic Box, remembering to stop and buy coffee for everyone.
<><><><><><><><><>
"Work with me, British man," Xander said. "Give me an axe and show me where to point it." On the other side of the ex-Watcher, Anya nodded vigorously.
Giles sighed. The two had ambushed him as he left his hotel, sandwiching him between them. He'd been listening to them for several minutes now, even though the fact that they were both talking at the same time made it difficult. He understood their feelings. It was
disconcerting to suddenly find oneself bursting into song, as had happened to the couple this morning, but he'd have thought that after all these years they'd know not to expect miracles. Summoning his patience, he said, "Well now, Xander, it's not quite that simple. But I have learned about some disturbing things."
They were nearing a young blonde woman who was singing to a policeman, but events like this had become so commonplace in the past couple of days that Giles gave them only a passing glance. Apparently she was pleading with the policeman not to give her a parking ticket. "Basically, the police have found dead bodies."
Anya snorted. "Like that's anything new in this town."
Giles coughed. "This was new. The bodies were burnt."
"As in burnt up?" asked Xander. "Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts!"
Anya muttered, "I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would've been looking for a gas can."
"Well, clearly emotions are running high," Giles said, noticing a group of people dancing together in a parking lot. "But as far as I can tell these people burnt up from the inside - spontaneously combusted."
Now they were passing three streetsweepers dancing with their brooms. "I've only seen the one victim. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias."
"Okay, but we're sure that the things are related: the singing and dancing, and burning and dying?" Xander wanted to know. They stopped walking.
Giles sighed again. "We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at the local demon haunts. At least . . . in theory she is, but . . . she doesn't seem to - " He faltered to a stop. One glance at his companions showed they took his meaning.
"She's easing back into it," said Xander soothingly. "We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension, ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her."
Giles shook his head. "I'm helping her as much as I can, but . . . " Again he stopped. Anya patted him awkwardly on the shoulder but had nothing else to contribute.
"Giles," Xander said hesitantly, "is it possible that something happened to Buffy when we brought her back - something that wasn't supposed to happen?"
"What do you mean?" Giles frowned.
The young man looked apologetic. "I'm not sure. But . . . did Willow tell you that the Rite of Osiris didn't get finished?"
"What?" Giles swung around, looking sharply at him. "Why not?"
"The Hell's Demons that were terrorizing the town gate-crashed our little resurrection party before it was over. That's why we weren't there to help Buffy out of her grave." Xander looked distressed - and guilty.
As well he should, thought Giles. That they hadn't thought about what waking up inside a coffin buried in the ground might do to Buffy emotionally was only one of the stupidities associated with their resurrection plan. The greatest one was attempting to do it in the first
place. And now it appeared that Willow and Tara hadn't set up any safeguards around their circle either. "No, she didn't tell me," he said grimly. "How far along had you got in the rite?"
"Uh," Xander said vaguely. "Well, Willow chanted a while and then weird things started happening. Willow got these mysterious slashes on her arms and she vomited up a snake, which - ergghh!" He shuddered, then went on, " - and then this reddish light surrounded her,
and then the demons showed up with their motorcycles and one of them smashed the urn and, well, that was the end of that."
Giles felt as though someone had hit him on the head. He stared at Xander. "You mean the rite had just begun?"
"No. We'd been at it for, oh, at least fifteen minutes, more like twenty probably," Xander said. Anya nodded agreement.
Giles stuttered, "The, the Rite of Osiris takes a good forty minutes to perform, at minimum. You were barely halfway into it - " He stopped. "It shouldn't have worked. How the hell was Buffy able to come back?" He began striding down the sidewalk. "Xander, you may
be right. Something might have gone wrong with Buffy. I need to look into this right away."
"Whoa." Xander hurried to catch up, Anya right on his heels. "Giles, I'm with you on being concerned about Buffy, but right now don't we need to concentrate on finding out why Sunnydale's suddenly turned into an MGM backlot?"
"Damn!" Giles rocked to a halt, frustrated. "Yes, you're right. Damn! All right, let's hurry up and find out the answers to this dancing business. Then I'm going to have a little talk
with Tara and Willow." The trio hastened back to the Magic Box.
<><><><><><><><><>
"Lot of homework?" asked Tara, from the doorway to Dawn's bedroom.
Dawn made a face. "Math. It seemed cool when we were singing about it."
Tara smiled sympathetically and came a few steps inside the room. "Willow said they have a lead on the whole musical extravaganza evil. There's this demon that can be summoned, some sort of Lord of the Dance." She grinned. "Oh, but not the scary one. Just a demon."
Dawn looked interested. "Do they know who summoned it?"
"They don't even know its name yet. But Willow will find out. She's the brainy type." Tara smiled again, proudly.
"Hmm." Dawn returned her smile. "I'm glad you guys made up."
"What?"
"That fight you guys had about magic and stuff?" Dawn reminded her. "It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight."
Confused, Tara said, "Dawn, Willow and I never fought about - "
Dawn hurried to reassure her. "It's okay. It's just . . . you guys are so great together. I just hate it when you have arguments." She shrugged. Tara looked down at the herb pinned on her blouse, remembering how she'd found it on her pillow and assumed it was a love token, and removed it. Dawn went on, "That was the only fight I've seen you guys have. But I'm still glad it's over."
Tara stared at the herb in her hand as if she'd never seen it before. "Dawn, I . . . Um, there's something I need at the shop. Will you be okay for a little while?"
Dawn resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Yes. The fifteen-year-old can spend half an hour alone in her locked house."
Tara barely listened. "Good. I - I won't be gone long." She rushed out of the room.
Dawn waited until she heard the front door close, then went over to the table and opened her small wooden jewelry box. For a moment she surveyed the items inside, then took out the necklace she'd swiped from the Magic Box earlier and put it on. Looking at herself in the mirror, she sang:
"Does anybody even notice?
Would anybody even care?
Okay . . . Anya would care - "
She smiled wryly, knowing Anya's first concern would be the cost of the items. Then her smile faded.
"And Buffy would too
Well - if only she knew
And I care, I really do
So . . . ."
Her reflection stared back at her, as if issuing a challenge. Out loud she said, "So tomorrow - or tonight, if I get a chance - I'm taking all this stuff back."
The decision made, a huge weight seemed to lift off her shoulders. Almost giddy with relief, Dawn turned around, only to find a demon standing directly behind her. No, there were three of them, their heads huge and mask-like. Even as she screamed, one of them grabbed her and threw a bag over her head. She continued screaming, but even to her own ears the sound was muffled. Not that there was anyone to hear her anyway. Despite her struggles, she was lifted up and carried away.
<><><><><><><><><>
Buffy slid her right foot over just a trifle. There. Now her weight was evenly distributed and she felt centered. Well, more centered at least. Now if only she could turn her mind off. It wasn't Angel's fault - or hers - that they hadn't been able to talk last night, but knowing that didn't help. First they'd played telephone tag, with Angel calling while she was gone (she'd taken Dawn out to dinner), then her returning his call only to discover he was out tying up the loose ends of a case and had forgotten to take his cell phone with him. Then he'd phoned again, but she was patrolling. When finally they had connected -
"You're a hard person to get hold of." Keep it light, not to sound accusing.
Angel's soft chuckle warmed her. "So are you. Busy patrol?"
"So-so," she answered. "Mostly I was dodging Gene Kelly wannabes."
"Have you found out what's causing it all?
"Giles has a lead on something; Tara calls it the Lord of the Dance demon." She chuckled. "Anyway, I don't think it'll be long before we get this sorted out."
"Good." He paused. "Buffy - I'm having Wesley take over Cordelia's training."
Relief was followed instantly by guilt. She knew she shouldn't let her insecurities interrupt Cordelia's lessons, but she couldn't say the words. And how shameful was that?
He went on, "Gunn's also going to give a hand - he knows street-fighting techniques that I don't."
A soft "blip" on the line indicated Angel had another call coming in. He cursed softly, then excused himself to answer it. She waited. A minute later he was back.
"Buffy, I have to go. That was Cordy. She's had a vision and it's a nasty one. I love you."
"Love you -"
Click. He'd hung up.
" - too," she finished bleakly, and replaced the phone in its cradle.
"Buffy?" Giles recalled her attention.
Right. Forget last night and her irrational feeling that Cordelia had once more come between them, and concentrate on the task at hand. Buffy took a deep breath, focused on her goal - and struck.
Crack! The piece of wood between Giles' hands split evenly in two. "Good," Giles congratulated her. "Good."
Buffy smiled a little. "I feel like I should . . . bow, or . . . have honor or something."
He smiled in return. "It may seem hokey, but we need to work on precision and concentration as much as power." He walked over and tossed the pieces into a corner. "We're still not sure exactly what we're facing."
"Oh, you'll figure it out," Buffy assured him, putting one leg up on the horse and stretching. "I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an '80's movie."
Giles chuckled. "Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away." He picked up a towel. "Anyway, I don't think we need to work that much on your strength."
"Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse." Jumping, Buffy did a handstand on the horse, hoping she hadn't sounded as bitter to Giles as she did to herself.
Apparently not. "Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween?" Giles wanted to know.
Buffy let her feet fall to the ground and straightened up. "Sure." She frowned, stretching her arms over her head, then out to the sides. "But I didn't really know what to say to her that she didn't already know. I mean, I pointed out that she'd lied to me and she reminded me of all the times I'd lied to Mom about where I was, before she knew about me being the Slayer, of course."
"That's hardly the same thing," he objected.
"Of course not, and Dawn knows it." She sighed. "Then I reminded her that vampires look just like everyone else until they're in game face. She asked me if I expected her to throw holy water on everyone she meets, just to make sure."
"Sounds like Dawn." Giles smiled in spite of himself. "Sounds like a typical fifteen-year-old, actually - present company not excepted."
Ignoring his teasing, Buffy gazed at him pleadingly. "Giles, would you talk to her? Please?"
"Me?" Giles was taken aback. "Buffy, I'm hardly an expert on talking to teenagers. Mostly I just try to avoid them."
"But she respects you," Buffy told him. "I don't expect a miracle, but just maybe she'll listen to you better than to me."
"Why on earth do you think she'd pay more attention to what I say?" he asked.
"Because you're the closest thing to a father she's had in several years," Buffy said quietly. "Like I said, she respects you, but more than that she - " At the last second she substituted a different word. " - likes you."
Even more disconcerted, Giles stammered. "Er . . . well, I - I guess I could - um - give it a try." He was still dubious, and a little embarrassed by Buffy's disclosure, but he had to admit to himself that there was also more than a tinge of pleasure in there. He'd always been fond of Dawn - when he wasn't wanting to wring her neck - and was pleased to know that his paternal feelings for her were reciprocated.
Buffy smiled gratefully. "Thanks. What would I do without you?" As he turned to go to the weapons case, she added, softly, "Giles. Not wanting to get all emotional on you here, but - I feel the same way. Just in case you didn't already know that." To spare him further embarrassment, she turned away and resumed her stretching exercises.
Giles watched her for a moment with a troubled look, then slowly went over to the display case on the wall. He unlocked the glass door and stared blankly at the weapons inside, deep in thought.
"Okay. I'm ready." Buffy took up her stance, rolling her shoulders to loosen them.
Unhearing, Giles sang, softly:
"You're not ready for the world outside
You keep pretending, but you just can't hide"
Buffy stared at his back, not wanting to believe she'd heard right. Giles selected a knife from the case and stood turning it over in his hand.
"Just as I promised, I am standing by your side
But I . . ."
He shook his head a little.
"Your path's unbeaten and it's all uphill
And you can meet it, if you only will
But what is the reason that you're standing still?"
Buffy caught her breath. The pain in his voice. . . .
"But I . . . "
Giles sighed, and his shoulders slumped.
"I wish I could say the right words
To lead you through this land.
I'd love to play the father
And take you by the hand
I want so much to help you
But I don't understand
What's standing in the way"
"No." The whisper came involuntarily from her lips. She had thought she'd successfully hidden her bouts of depression and the growing sense of alienation, but apparently Giles had noticed. Her heart sank. Had everyone seen it? Were they all talking about her behind her back, wondering what was wrong with her?
Giles started, coming out of his musical soliloquy. He jerked around. "Buffy - I - you heard that?"
Buffy said, "I'm standing right here; of course I heard it. What did it mean?"
He hesitated, unsure how to begin. "I've noticed a - a change in you since you returned, especially in the last couple of weeks."
She looked away "Yeah, I've noticed it too. But - you know, dying? And then being brought back to life - that could do that to a girl, don't you think?"
Before Giles could reply, Anya came rushing in, leaving the door wide open. "Giles! Someone sold the last eye of newt and didn't tell me, so now we're out and someone wants to buy two dozen of them and doesn't want to wait the five days it'll take to get them!"
"Anya, I'm a little busy here," Giles snapped. "Ask for express delivery on the order."
Anya planted her hands on her hips and glared at him. "That is with express delivery! Giles, this is a hundred-dollar sale and I don't want to lose it! Do you know of another source that could ship some faster?"
Behind Anya's back Buffy caught a glimpse of Tara. It looked as though she was trying to avoid being seen by Willow, who was walking over to one side of the store. Frowning (and glad of the distraction), Buffy watched her quietly climb the stairs to the loft.
Tara found the book she wanted and began paging through it. About a third of the way through she stopped and held the herb in her hand next to the illustration. They were a perfect match. "Lethe's Bramble," she read silently. "Used for augmenting spells of forgetting and mind control." Tears slipped down her cheeks as she sank back on her heels.
"I'm under your spell
God, how can this be?
Playing with my memory"
She went to the edge of the loft and looked down. Willow was over by the counter now.
"You know I've been through hell
Willow, don't you see
There'll be nothing left of me?"
Buffy emerged from the back room and began talking to Willow. Tara continued:
"I don't want to go
And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so
But we both know"
"Wish I could trust that it was just this once
But I must do what I must
I can't adjust to this disgust
We're done, and I just - "
Still singing quietly, she started down the stairs.
"Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay"
She walked toward the front of the store, ending up alongside Giles, who'd also come out of the training room and was watching Buffy with concern.
"Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay . . ."
Tara held the last note for a second, then let it fade off, wondering if hearts could actually break from that much pain. Suddenly the front door burst open and Spike stalked into the magic shop, dragging a demon with a big, puppet-like head along with him. Everyone turned. "Lookie-lookie what I found," he called out.
"Is - is this the demon guy?" Tara asked.
Hearing her voice, Willow turned around and smiled happily. "Tara!"
Tara ignored her. Smile fading, Willow gave her a questioning look which she pretended not to see. Xander and Anya emerged from the back.
"Works for him," Spike announced. "Has a nice little story for the Slayer, don't you? Come on, then." He shoved the demon further into the room. "Sing!"
The now-familiar background music began playing dramatically. Buffy steeled herself for another big musical number. The music swelled to a crescendo, then:
The demon spoke, in a normal, rather high-pitched voice. "My master has the Slayer's sister hostage at the Bronze because she summoned him and at midnight he's going to take her to the underworld to be his queen."
"What does he want?" demanded Giles.
The demon gestured toward Buffy. "Her."
Spike snorted. "If that's all you've got to say, then - " He tried to grab the minion but he broke free and ran outside. "Strong," he remarked, surprised. "Someday he'll be a real boy."
"So," Buffy sighed. "Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday."
Guilt-stricken, Tara stammered, "I - I just left her for a few minutes."
"Oh, it's not your fault," Buffy assured her, then looked at the others. "So what's the plan?"
"Plan, schman," said Xander. "Let's mount up."
"No." It was Giles. All eyes turned toward him.
Anya spoke. "Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but I've seen some of these underworld child bride deals and, and they never end well. Well, maybe once."
"We're not just going to stay here," Willow protested.
"Yes, we are." Giles looked at Buffy. "Buffy's going alone." Buffy stared at him, stunned.
"Gah!" Spike scoffed, disgusted. "Don't be a stupid git. There is no - "
Giles said evenly, "If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll - " He paused, considering. "I'll never want your opinion."
Willow offered, "A little confusion spell could - "
"No!" Tara hadn't mean to snap like that. At Willow's shocked and hurt gaze, she averted her eyes again and modulated her voice. "I mean, I don't think it'll help."
Spike turned to Buffy. "Look, forget them, Slayer. I've got your back."
Buffy didn't reply. She was still staring at Giles, unable to believe what he'd said.
"Buffy?" Spike cocked his head and gestured toward the door. Buffy shook her head and he stared at her for a moment. Then anger swept over his face. "Fine," he declared in a cold, biting voice. "I hope you dance til you burn. You and the Little Bit." Coat-ends flapping, he swept out of the store.
Buffy hardly noticed. "You're really not coming," she said to Giles. He walked over to her. "It's up to you, Buffy."
Up to me? But . . . That hollow feeling began again. "What do you expect me to do?"
"Your best," he said simply, "just as you've always done."
She swallowed. "But you've always helped me before. All of you have." Her gaze swept the others, then returned to Giles. "You've always told me that having the team behind me was one of my strengths. Now all of a sudden you're insisting I go it alone?"
Giles reached out. His hands were warm on her shoulders. "The Scoobies are unique in Slayer history, and I do believe they've been a contributing factor to your amazing success rate. But lately I think you've begun relying on them - on us - too much. You've lost . . . something - an edge - you used to have."
Out of the corner of her eye Buffy saw Xander open his mouth as if to say something, but whatever it was went unsaid as he changed his mind. Dropping his hands to his sides, Giles went on, "For your own sake, Buffy, you need to do this without us. And you can do it; I have no doubt of that."
He really meant it; he was going to make her face this demon all on her own. Buffy had a sudden flashback to her first week at college when, overwhelmed with trying to cope with college life when she was still aching from losing Angel, she'd gone to Giles for help with a vampire situation she'd discovered on campus. She could still see him, standing there in his robe in the middle of the morning; could still hear his voice as he refused her:
"Officially you no longer have a Watcher. Buffy, you know I'll always be here when you need me. Your safety is more important to me than anything, but you're going to have to take care of yourself. You're out of school and I can't always be there to guide you."
Numbly, Buffy turned and left, leaving a group of equally stunned friends behind her. For several moments after the door swung shut, no one said a word. Xander finally spoke up. "Giles - if what we talked about earlier is true, she may not be able to handle this alone."
Giles threw him a sharp glance, then looked away. Moving over behind the counter, he busied himself with the receipts. The others exchanged uncertain, confused looks, then slowly drifted back to whatever they'd been doing before.
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